Lost and Found
by Storm-fox8
Summary: The Doctor discovers a way to bring Rose back, but is he willing to risk losing his memories of her in doing so? And how would Rose cope if they had to start from scratch? Rose/10Doctor Reunion fic. Torchwood crossover, Donna companion. COMPLETE
1. Inspiration at a Cost

**A/N: Wow… a new story :D I haven't written in ages, but I've been inspired by how amazing the new series of Doctor Who has been so far and of course the fact that Rose will be returning at the end of the series! ****Wooo XD**

**I'm currently on exam leave for my A2 levels, so I would ask everyone to be patient with my updating XD its much appreciated :) Technically I should be revising right now… -shifty eyes-**

**Here's a better summary:**

**Firstly the basics - ****Donna is the Doctors current companion, so yes it's the 10****th**** Doctor of course. This is primarily a Rose reunion fanfic. I wasn't planning on writing one as there's been so many but the idea for this story just came to me and I really wanted to write it. I hope it's something that's not been done before :) **

**This will be a Torchwood crossover, during the second series but set before Exit Wounds so Owen is "dead" and Tosh is still alive. Just cause I miss them and wanted them in .**

**Synopsis:**

**The Doctor discovers a way to bring Rose back, but is he willing to risk losing his memories of her in doing so?**

* * *

**Lost And Found**

**Part One: Found**

Chapter 1

Inspiration at a Cost

The Doctor stared solemnly out of the grubby café window smeared with fingerprints, watching as the rain beat furiously at the glass. He pondered absent-mindedly over how he had come to be in such a miserable place. He had initially been drawn to Cardiff due to all the unusual disturbances- talk of aliens and deaths and unsolved mysteries. He knew that Jack and his version of Torchwood were based here to deal with these things, but recently there had been more sightings than ever and as word had reached the Doctors ear he naturally couldn't help but be curious. However, now as he sat in a hard plastic chair in a small substandard café, clothes sodden and hair dripping icy water down his neck he regretted his decision.

The rain had caught them off guard, suddenly dropping from the sky in sheets casting the city in a dull grey mist. Personally it didn't particularly bother him, but Donna had ran screaming for the nearest shelter which had happened to be a rundown bay side café, '_home of Cardiff's best cup of tea_'.

He begged to differ.

As the rain had showed no sign of moving on, Donna had decided they should get something to eat and drink, dismissing the Doctor's grumbling as if he were nothing more than a small child complaining as his mother 'just went in one more shop'. Dangerous aliens and saving the world could wait until after the rain had stopped as far as she was concerned.

He didn't like sitting still for so long in such a domestic environment, especially when he had been hoping for adventure and near death situations. It gave him too much time to reflect on his memories. He dismally stared down at his nearly full cup of tea, seeing his own glum reflection in the rippling surface. It had long since gone cold, but the Doctor didn't care. He could no longer think of tea without being reminded of Jackie Tyler. _The answer to all problems _she used to say. He smiled at the thought. Only she could have saved his life with a hot beverage.

But thoughts like that always led inevitably into thoughts of one person, always the same. Thoughts of her.

Thoughts of Rose.

He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face wearily. Oh how he missed her. He tried to busy himself with travelling and adventures to distract himself from quite how much it hurt that he could no longer hold her hand or give her a comforting hug or even just see her face. Even the travelling wasn't the same without her to share it with, and no matter how tough it got she had always been there to support him and pull him through. At first he hadn't thought he needed anyone, and that he would be better off alone. Getting attached to someone else after all only meant more goodbyes and heartache in the end, and right now his hearts couldn't take any more of that.

But Donna had told him he had been wrong, and she had – on more occasions than he'd like to admit - been right. He now found it unbearable to be in the TARDIS alone. After Martha had left it had not been nearly as difficult as when he lost Rose, but it had reminded him of how alone he really was, and left him with nothing but his memories to dwell upon.

Right now was a perfect example. Left alone for ten minutes and he was already thinking about Rose. The wind blowing strands of her blonde hair across her pretty face, catching in the tears that trailed down her cheek. He shook the image from his head, forcing himself to think of something else. He suddenly became aware of how quiet it was, and looked around to see where Donna had gotten to.

After getting his cup of tea he had left her to wait for her fish and chips to be prepared. He could see her still at the counter, food in hand but facing a man with ginger hair. He couldn't recall seeing the man enter the shop, which was odd seeing as he was sat right next to the door in the optimism of leaving as soon as possible. _I must have been too caught up thinking about her _he resolved, mentally kicking himself for losing himself so easily in his memories.

He tried to read Donnas expression - she looked confused, he might even have gone as far to say she looked alarmed. The man reached out and put a hand on her shoulder however and she suddenly smiled and started to chat to him. The Doctor looked on puzzled as she continued to go and sit at a table with this stranger and laughed and talked with him. The Doctor was unsure as to whether he should intervene or not – the event seemed to have caused a red flag to go up in his mind, but he decided to give it a little longer. He didn't want to interrupt if Donna was simply catching up with an old friend.

The Doctor turned back to his cold tea, and he could feel his mind quickly returning to thoughts of Rose. Images of a windswept beach, almost entirely devoid of life except for one lost looking girl with a broken heart flickered across his mind. The minutes seem to stretch out, each second feeling like an eternity until he could no longer stand the persisting memories that taunted him. He could not be bothered being polite any more, but got up impatiently and strode over to Donna with his usual air of confidence.

"Hello! Remember me?" The Doctor said, smiling broadly at her. Donna glanced up at him perplexed. His smile faded slightly. "I was only joking… " He muttered unsurely. "Didn't mean to interrupt, I was just feeling a bit abandoned sitting over there all on my own, after all it was you who dragged us in here." When Donna only continued to stare at him, frowning slightly and her mouth open a little as if she didn't quite know what to say, he urged her on. "So… are you going to introduce me?" he nodded towards the man sat opposite her.

"Do I know you?" Donna finally managed to say, in a not entirely polite tone. By now the Doctor's smile had completely left his face, being replaced swiftly by a frown. He looked back at the ginger haired man and saw him flinch a little under the Doctors powerful glare.

"Who are you? What have you done to her?" The Doctor snapped accusingly, his eyes burning into the other man. He saw him gulp and try to regain his composure as he stood up to be level with the Doctor.

"I'm Adam, an old friend of Donna's. Remember?" The ginger haired man said confidently, smirking and reaching out to place his hand firmly on the Doctors shoulder. Adam's confidence faltered as the Doctor's expression did not change. The Doctor glanced at the hand that firmly gripped his shoulder and raised his eyebrows at the man.

"Nope. Sorry." The Doctor responded at last, removing Adams hand.

"But… but that's impossible," Adam stuttered nervously.

"Oh, impossible's my middle name!" The Doctor beamed at him. "I'm sorry but mind tricks like that really aren't going to work on me. On a human yes, but with me you never really stood a chance." Adam looked at him with confusion and a glimmer of fear showed in his eyes.

"What are you going to do to me?" Adam whimpered.

"I'm sorry." The Doctor said simply, looking at him sympathetically.

"No. Please don't!" Adam began to beg, his eyes showing his desperation. "I only just managed to make it back please don't send me back there again!"

"I have to." The Doctor said in a small voice laced with guilt. "You can't alter people's memories, it's not right. Your memories are what make you who you are. I can't let you do this." Donna looked at him in bewilderment.

"What does he mean? Where are you sending him?" Donna asked, not having understood any of their conversation. "Would someone please explain?" Her voice started to rise with anger.

"Back to where he came from. Back to the void." The Doctor said simply, refusing to meet either of their eyes. Adam gripped his head in distress, breathing heavily.

"You can't do this to me!" He yelled in fury, causing the few other people who had taken refuge in the café from the rain to look up in surprise, intrigued and slightly unnerved by the events taking place before them. "It has taken me so long to get back! To find another with such unique memories! I had such little grip on this world, existing as a fragment of scattered memory in an insignificant few. Do you have any idea what it's like? The infinite, suffocating darkness!" Adam collapsed to his knees and hung his head, trying to catch his breath after his outburst.

By this point the few people that were left in the shop had quickly scurried away, more ready to brave the rain than this apparent mad mans rage. The Doctor dropped down to Adams level, crouching next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I really am. I do know what its like but I can't let you do this. I have to make things right." Adam looked up at him disbelievingly.

"And to make things right it means killing me." Adam grimaced at him. "How can you say that you now what the void is like and still send me back there? How can you live with yourself?" The Doctor opened his mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. He looked away from Adams eyes guiltily.

"You're just the same." Adam continued, suddenly defiant as he stood up. "You have no pity. You're just like Torchwood." And without a backward glance Adam strode out of the café and into the heavy rain. A wave of anger washed over the Doctor at these words, but it quickly left. He felt too weary to feel angry.

"Where's he going? Adam!" Donna shouted after him, but he did not turn back. She made to follow him but the Doctor stopped her, gently turning her to face him. The look of sorrow and regret in his eyes made her stop in her tracks.

"This won't hurt a bit, just trust me. I'm going to put things right." He said softly, and placed his hands gently either side of her face. She watched as he closed his eyes and focused, and jumped slightly as she physically felt him inside her mind. She marvelled at the extraordinary sensation of him wandering through her thoughts, too baffled by the turn of events to make any attempt to stop him.

The Doctor scanned through Donna's memories, sorting the false from the true and recovering those which had been replaced. As he removed the last fake memory of Adam from her mind, somewhere in the distance a man with ginger hair dissolved into the rain, unnoticed by anyone.

The Doctor supported Donna as she slipped from consciousness, resting her on a free chair. He sighed resignedly, rubbing his eyes. _He had to do it, _he told himself firmly. He looked up as Donna's eyelids fluttered open, and took a seat opposite her ready to explain.

"What the…" Donna muttered groggily, slowly sitting up. "Feels like someone drugged me or something." She said rubbing her temples. "What happened, how did I get over here? Last thing I remember was running out of the rain," she looked up at the Doctor for help but found that him staring off into the distance.

"Doctor?" She prompted, hoping to bring him out of his trance- it was not unusual for her to discover him in deep thought after all. However on this occasion he seemed to be completely lost to the world, and did not so much as blink in response. His eyes burned with intensity as he stared dead ahead.

"Doctor!" Donna tried again, louder and waving a hand in front of his eyes. But talk of the void had triggered other thoughts somewhere inside the Doctor's mind. _Maybe, just maybe… _She jumped as he suddenly turned to look at her and she met his fiery eyes.

"I could do it…" He said quietly, as if thinking aloud.

"You what?" Donna said bluntly, frustrated at being kept in the dark.

"I might actually be able to do it." He said louder, now focusing on Donna rather than talking to himself. Donna recoiled slightly as an enormous grin suddenly swept across the Doctors face, lighting up his eyes and extinguishing the fire of their blazing intensity. "I know how to get Rose back!"

* * *

**A/N: Woo first chapter done :D sorry if I'm very rusty, hope this wasn't too bad! **


	2. A Plan Set into Action

**A/N: So in this chapter we meet the Torchwood team :) I always wondered how they would individually react to meeting the Doctor. My Torchwood pairings are Jack/Gwen and Tosh/Owen though I won't be going into them in this story, there will just be implications. I think this is the most Torchwood-y chapter there will be, though I'm not 100 percent certain.**

**Dawn- thanks for the review :) I like your suggestion, I may go back and write it in later. And don't worry, I'm -trying- to keep this in character, so yes its Doctor/Donna friendship and no she won't be the jealous type :) We saw from her willingness to accept Martha in the Sontaran episodes that she wouldn't be.**

* * *

Chapter 2

A Plan Set into Action

Donna's expression softened from one of aggravation to one of intrigue, a small smile spreading across her lips- she knew how much Rose meant to the Doctor. He was always reluctant to speak of her as she could see the pain it caused him but when he did his eyes shone like the sun. Looking at him now she could see that same brightness sparkling in his deep brown eyes, hope flickering there like vulnerable candle, threatened to blow out by the slightest breeze. Abruptly he sprang to his feet with new found energy and headed for the door. Finally he was getting out of this café.

Donna hurried after him, momentarily stunned by his sudden movement. She followed him out into the street, wondering subconsciously when the rain had stopped. The Doctor rummaged about in his pocket, bringing out his sonic screwdriver and adjusting the settings.

"Doctor! Just slow down a bit!" Donna gasped trying to keep up, but couldn't help but smile at the bounce in his step. "Are you actually going to explain this to me or not?" She suddenly crashed into the Doctors back as he stopped without warning. He held the screwdriver up in the air as it buzzed loudly, its blue tip shining vibrantly. When he showed no signs of having even heard her she walked around him impatiently and stood directly facing him. "Look I know you're very excited but a little commentary would be nice!"

He finally averted his eyes from the sonic screwdriver and contemplated the easiest and quickest way of explaining to her. "Back there, in the café you sort of… lost your memory of what happened." He began, and attempted to describe to Donna about how Adam had altered her memories making her believe that she had known him all her life, but as a side effect had caused her to forget having ever met the Doctor. After he had finished he looked nervously at her sceptical expression, wondering if she even believed him.

"So what you're telling me is some alien creep sort of hypnotised me into believing I knew him and now you're the happiest man in the universe?" She said bluntly, arms folded and eyebrows raised.

"Happiest Timelord." He corrected her in mock indignation. She shook her head but couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation. Sometimes she just didn't know whether or not to take him seriously.

"So go on then, how does all this connect to Rose? And what's that thing doing?" She gestured at the sonic screwdriver was still humming slightly. The Doctor beamed at her again.

"Okay so firstly, I know Adam's species. My people used to have to deal with them all the time. Alter a person's memory and you change who they are, and that has the potential to do devastating damage to history. I mean can you imagine if say for example Charles Strite suddenly had a personality change that meant he actually liked toast burnt and then he'd never of gotten around to inventing the toaster! And then we'd all be without toast and I like a good bit of toast with jam and-"

"Doctor," Donna prompted him, rolling her eyes as he got carried away.

"Yes! So anyway, that means that I know all about them. They all have to have somewhere to keep these stolen memories, a sort of storage box if you like. Now this could be anywhere but it would have to be somewhere safe as if their link with this box is broken they lose their grip on the world and fall back into the void. They couldn't carry it around with them as it'd be too impractical and people would notice but it should be somewhere fairly close by." As if on cue, the sonic screwdriver bleeped and the Doctor focused on it eagerly.

"And I think I know where it is!" He grinned, looking up towards a distinctive bronze curved roof which could just about be seen in the distance.

"But hang on a minute, what's this box thing got to do with anything? Why are you so interested in finding it?" Donna asked, still trying to make sense of current events. However the only answer she received was a broad smile.

"Come on!" The Doctor said chirpily, grabbing her hand and taking off in the direction of the Millennium Centre, Donna in tow behind.

x x x x x

Ianto Jones was having a particularly boring day at the office. He sighed as he picked at the tepid pizza lazily- they really did eat far too much of it. He looked up casually at the CCTV monitors. He could see Jack sitting in his office riffling through paperwork, and wondered absent-mindedly if he would be free later that night. He saw Gwen chatting away on the phone most likely to Rhys, though he saw that she kept glancing longingly towards Jack's office. He grinned as he saw Owen and Toshiko talking and smiling together- he really did hope they would both finally get their act together and just go out. He worried about how much time Owen had left, knowing how hard it would inevitably be on the team.

Suddenly movement from one of the other screens – one just outside the entrance in fact – caught his eye and no sooner had he scrambled to his feet and shoved the pizza box under the desk than the door had burst open to reveal a tall thin man, accompanied by a rather out of breath red haired woman. The man, ignoring the glares the woman was throwing him, walked confidently towards Ianto smiling as if the world could do no wrong.

"Uh.. hello sir. How can I help you?" Ianto stuttered nervously, having been caught off guard. It was a rare occasion that they had visitors.

"Hello! I was just wondering if Jack was around?" He said brightly. As The Doctor had expected, Ianto was clearly taken aback that he knew who his boss was, and didn't quite know what to say for the best without knowing whether this man was a threat or not. "Tell you what, just go and tell him that the Doctor is here to see him. Just the Doctor." He beamed, and in his confusion Ianto obeyed, scurrying away to fetch Jack. The Doctor turned briefly to a flustered Donna, looking her up and down.

"Running for our lives- yeah I get it. But I don't do running for leisure, don't forget some of us are human!" She said between gasps, still recovering from the journey. The Doctor just smiled at her cheekily.

x x x x x

"Jack!" Ianto called breathlessly as he burst through the doors of Captain Jack Harkness' office. Jack looked up instantly, ready for news of weevil attacks or rift activity. "There's a man here who knows who you are. Says he's a doctor." Jacks face softened, a smile beginning to appear on his face.

"Is that all? No name?" he asked, making sure.

"No, he didn't tell me anything else." Ianto looked at him nervously, confused as Jack suddenly bounded to his feet grinning.

"Oh yes!" He exclaimed and ran for the door. As he neared the front office the familiar figure came into sight- a tall thin man with scruffy brown hair and a long brown coat stood waiting patiently, smiling happily to himself.

"Doctor!" He greeted enthusiastically. "It's so good to see you!"

"And you Jack," The Doctor replied hugging Jack in greeting. As they stood apart, Jack noticed Donna and looked at her curiously, then back to the Doctor. "Oh! And this is Donna! Donna, this is Captain Jack Harkness." He introduced them to each other.

"Pleased to meet you," Jack smiled at her kindly.

"And you," Donna replied a little perturbed that the Doctor had never mentioned this man before and yet seemed to be very good friends with him. "So… how do you know the Doctor?"

"Ah, we've had a fair few adventures together, right Doctor?" He looked at him knowingly. Their last 'adventure' hadn't exactly been the highlight of either of their lives. The year that never happened… Jack tried not to think about it too much.

"So you used to travel with him?" Donna summarised.

"Yep. But enough about me, my timelines a bit complicated after all," He smiled grimly. "I take it you travel with him these days?" Donna nodded. Jack turned back to the Doctor eagerly. "So what brings you to my part of town Doctor?" The Doctor smiled warmly in response, his eyes glistening.

"Rose." He said simply, and Jack's eyes widened, sparkling with hope.

"You don't mean…" he almost whispered.

"I think I've found a way to get her back, and to do that I need your help Jack."

"Of course! Anything! Doctor… that's… brilliant! It's brilliant!" Struggling to find the words to convey his joy Jack embraced the Doctor in a fond hug. He did not need Rose in the same way that the Doctor did, but he did love her. He missed her deeply, and would also do anything to see her again. But more than anything he'd do anything to see the Doctor and Rose reunited. He knew how much he loved her, and had seen the pain in his eyes when he himself had been reunited with him at the end of the universe. He simply wasn't the same person without her.

"So what is it? How can you do it? I thought you said it was supposed to be impossible." Jack inquired excitedly, eager to discover the Doctor's secret plan. He looked enthusiastically from the Doctor to Donna.

"Don't look at me, I've been trying to get a straight answer out of him all morning." Donna said in an attempt of exasperation, but couldn't help but smile in the current mood of things. The Doctor however burst into action, keen to carry out his plan of action.

"Well before I can do anything, I need to find something. Something that I believe you might have."

"Well we do have a fair store of alien artefacts kept here. Anything you want Doctor it's yours!" Jack said without hesitation. He suddenly became aware of Ianto shuffling uneasily behind him, and felt a little ashamed at forgetting he was there. "Ianto, this is the Doctor. Doctor, this is my good friend Ianto Jones, makes the best coffee you ever tasted!" He smiled teasingly.

"Well, I'm more of a tea person-"The Doctor began, not realising he was being rude until he received a sharp nudge in the ribs off Donna. "But yes, anyway! We're not here to have a drink so it doesn't matter!" he tried to recover conspicuously, "Nice to meet you!" The Doctor reached out to shake Ianto's hand politely. Ianto responded in his professional manner, graciously ignoring the tea comment and returning the handshake.

"And you." He said smiling slightly, resisting the urge to ask the steady flow of questions that were flying through his head.

"Shall we go inside then Doctor? I think it's about time you met the rest of the team." Jack said proudly.

"Yes, of course! It will be good to finally meet them, from what I've heard they're quite the finest. So, allons-y!" The Doctor said brightly. Ianto looked slightly surprised at this suggestion that Jack had been telling this strange man about the Torchwood team, and blushed at the implication that what he'd said was clearly very positive.

The Doctor followed on as Jack led the way into the hub, and Ianto swiftly regained his composure of authority and brought up the rear, wondering nervously just how much Jack had been saying about him.

x x x x x

Toshiko appeared to be in deep thought about a complication in the hubs security systems- details of which adorned the many monitors at her desk- whereas in actual fact her mind was far from focused. Her thoughts were adrift in memories of recent events. Her brow furrowed as she recalled what Owen had just been talking to her about mere minutes ago. He had quite simply wanted a friendly chat about nothing in particular, which seemed to her very un-Owen-like. He had changed so much since he had… well died. But then she figured that would change anyone. Owen just always seemed to be the sort of person that took things in his stride, and never showed that he cared if something tragic happened. He had never been one for showing his emotions, so to see how much this had shaken him of all people was perhaps more distressing.

She wished with all her heart that there was something she could do to help him, but she knew that no one could. All she could do was be there for him when he needed her. And for the first time in her life she found that he was willing to accept her support, and had discovered closeness to him. Owen had begun to notice her and started to let her into his rollercoaster life. But she could see better than anyone the pain that he was suffering inside, and although she loved her new connection with him it wasn't worth it, and it broke her heart to see him in such a state.

Tosh was brought hastily out of her thoughts by the sound of the cog door rolling open, and voices drifted through from beyond. Curious, she got to her feet to investigate. She could also see Gwen getting up from her desk, and Owen peering nosily across from the autopsy room. Jack and Ianto had entered the room accompanied by two people she did not recognize, though from Jack's smiling face she gathered that they were not a threat- but was rather reminded of the time he had invited Martha Jones to assist them.

As she and the others approached the strangers – a tall man and a woman – the man turned and looked directly at her. She jumped a little at the power of his stare as his eyes burned into hers. They hid so many secrets and yet betrayed such intense emotions. Behind their cheery exterior she identified anger, fear, loneliness, loss, regret and so much pain. It was clear these eyes had seen so much- they seemed weary and yet there was still a spark of energy and excitement like that of a child, but strongest of all was the hope that shined in them. She suddenly became convinced that she had met these eyes before, but was still adamant that she had never seen this man in her life. She promptly flushed, embarrassed as she realised that she had been staring at this familiar stranger.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" He said suddenly, reflecting her own thoughts. Tosh opened her mouth to respond and assure him they'd never met, but couldn't find the words to express it due to her uncertainty. Jack looked between the two stunned.

"You've met before?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yes!" The Doctor exclaimed loudly all of a sudden, startling everyone as he finally realised why he knew her. "The Slitheen invasion! It was 2005; you were examining the body of the fake alien faked by aliens that came from the ship that crashed in the Thames!" The Doctor said pleased with himself, words tumbling out of his mouth at high speed. Tosh's forehead crinkled in confusion. "I heard you scream so I came and found you," he continued hoping to jog her memory, "You hadn't realized it was still alive." He watched as it dawned on her, and her face lit up in recognition.

"The space pig!" She exclaimed in awe. At the mention of this Owen shuffled uneasily, hoping his boss wouldn't notice.

So that was were she had seen those eyes before. She remembered now- the mysterious man that had come from nowhere and disappeared almost as quickly. She had barely known him for more than a few minutes but there had been something about that man that had left a strong impression on her and she had never forgotten those eyes. She had never found out who he was, but had always remembered, always wondered.

However as she looked at him now she realised that apart from those unforgettable eyes he couldn't look more different. In fact she was fairly certain even his eyes were a different shade.

"But… that couldn't have been you…" She stuttered in confusion.

"Yeah sorry, I look a bit different from before. I've changed quite a lot since then," He said matter of factly, sniffing loudly. He moved on quickly preventing her from asking any further questions, but noticed Jack's amused face as he realised that she had met the ninth Doctor.

"I'm the Doctor." He smiled at her warmly, "I never got a chance to introduce myself last time, it's good to meet you again."

"Toshiko Sato," She replied courteously.

"Donna Noble," Donna added, feeling a little lost amongst all these reunions. But Tosh gave her a friendly smile and she felt that she could grow to like her quite quickly.

"Doctor Owen Harper," Owen introduced himself, eyeing up the Doctor sceptically but shaking his hand. "Sorry didn't catch your name, doctor what?"

"Just the Doctor." He would never tire of saying that and a good job too. People were always so reluctant to accept his title, especially the actual doctors. Before Owen could criticise further Gwen stepped forward.

"Gwen Cooper, pleased to meet you both." She smiled, but looked at the Doctor suspiciously. Jack had often made fleeting, enigmatic comments about a doctor. _'The right kind of Doctor' _he had once said.

When Jack had disappeared it had affected Gwen the most out of the team. It wasn't just because she had automatically been appointed their new leader but because she felt betrayed by him. She knew that she didn't actually know anything about him or his past life, even though she _felt_ she knew him so well and that was what frustrated her so much. When it came down to it though she would admit she simply had missed him sorely, and in his absence been worried sick that something terrible might have happened to him or if he would even return. On his reappearance he had merely said, _'I found my doctor.'_ At the time it hadn't made sense, but then much of what Jack said didn't.

However as soon as this man had called himself the Doctor her ears had pricked up, and from the way Jack looked at him she knew instantly that this man had been involved in his disappearance. She was eager to use her police skills to extract information about where he'd been in this time, and so got straight down to the questions.

"I'm sorry but who exactly are you?" She asked as politely as she could muster.

"He's an old friend of mine; I used to travel with him." Jack answered, amused by the fact that he left out the bit about travelling through time and space.

"Well if they're going to help me out they should probably also know that I'm an alien," The Doctor added casually scratching his neck. This caught the team off guard and they all tensed and turned their attention on him. After all the majority of the aliens they had encountered had not been friendly, and they had all learnt that looks could be deceptive.

"It's okay you can trust him, relax." Jack chuckled seeing their faces. "He's saved the Earth more times than you could ever know. But now he needs our help."

"How?" Tosh asked curiously, keen to be of assistance. She could see herself growing quite fond of this unusual character; there was just something about him.

"Well for starters have there been any reports of memory loss?" Owen raised his eyebrows at the Doctors unusual question.

"Jack, how many people did you say we've retconned?" He said pointedly.

"Too many to know it wouldn't be of any use to you Doctor." He looked at him apologetically.

"Well what about you lot? Any amnesia?" He pushed, still feeling hopeful. The team looked at him blankly.

"Oh…" Tosh suddenly thought aloud. "There _was_ those two days that none of us can remember." Of course, how could they forget – if you excuse the pun. "We all woke up in the hub without a clue how we got there, and the date had gone forward by two days but all the CCTV footage had been wiped." The Doctor smiled, encouraged.

"That sounds about right," He grinned enthusiastically, "Sounds to me like an attempt by one of you to erase someone - or something - from the records. Was there any unknown artefacts found around the same time as those two days? Anything with an unidentified origin?"

"Yes," Ianto spoke up for the first time since they had entered the hub. "I came in to speak to you that evening," Ianto directed at Jack, blushing as he recalled the reason being that Jack had found his diary, but leaving that bit out and swiftly carrying on, "You were looking at that box that was in a bag with the name Adam on it, only none of us knew who Adam was so we stored it away as unknown."

"Yes that's it!" The Doctor bounced up and down excitedly. "Adam's box! I need that!"

"I'll fetch it right away," Ianto said with a slight frown, pleased that he had helped but greatly confused as to why it had caused such a positive reaction from the Doctor. They had been unable to make anything out of the strange item.

As Ianto left to retrieve the object, the Doctor turned to Donna and smiled gleefully at her. "Everything's coming up roses!"

* * *

**A/N: I couldn't really find a nice place to stop this chapter, but it was getting a bit long. Sorry if I got carried away I just couldn't stop writing!! I quite like the idea of the Doctor/Tosh friendship, I just could imagine they would get along. Also about the toast fact, not sure how accurate it is I just got it off the first website that came up when I googled toasters haha XD It just seemed a very Doctorish thing to do to have a ramble about something like that :)**

**Thanks for reading! :)**


	3. The Doctor's Theory

**A/N: Sorry if there's too much talk and not enough action, but this is the one were lots of stuff gets explained and after this it should hopefully start to kick off :)**

**Thanks again to Dawn for the lovely review XD and to Lady Clark-Weasley of Books and Rose-jane.**

* * *

Chapter 3

The Doctor's Theory

The Doctor fidgeted restlessly as he awaited the return of Ianto with the components of his plan. He didn't want to seem impatient, but he just couldn't sit still and Ianto appeared to be taking his time. Thoughts of Rose once again flashed tauntingly across his mind, and he felt his hearts flutter. He prayed he wasn't just getting his hopes up for nothing. Donna must of thought of this too, for she walked up to him cautiously and spoke to him quietly.

"How sure are you that this will work?" She said under her breath so the others couldn't hear. "I don't want to put a downer on things but I know how much she means to you and I don't want to see you get hurt. I don't want you to be running on false hope." She looked at him caringly with concern etched into her eyes. The Doctor smiled at her, appreciating her worry.

"There's no such thing as false hope. Hope isn't a promise or a guarantee that good things will happen, its just a positive emotion that says maybe you do still have a chance. So how can there be false hope?" He smiled warmly at her, but she could still see the doubt in his eyes, the fear of losing Rose again. "Besides, even the slightest chance of getting Rose back is worth trying right?" This was almost a question, as if looking to Donna for reassurance.

"Yeah." she nodded. "How can you be so positive after all that's happened to you? How can you be so strong?" She asked incredulously and the Doctor sighed heavily.

"I guess that was one of the many things Rose did for me. She taught me to look at the world anew, showed me there was still hope even in the bleakest of situations." With that he stared off into the distance, lost in his memories. Donna looked at him with a great deal of admiration, praying that he would be rewarded for his strength and that she would get to see him reunited with Rose. He abruptly snapped out of his trance, springing to his feet and startling Donna. He needed to busy himself to take his mind off Rose.

The Doctor began to rummage through various pieces of alien technology that were left lying around in messy piles, putting on his thick rimmed glasses and examining bits that caught his attention. For a while no one said anything but were lost deep in their own private thoughts, and the only noise that could be heard was the clattering of the Doctor discarding useless artefacts.

"So Doctor," Jack suddenly said cutting through the silence, "Are you telling us that you know what happened to us in those two days none of us can remember?" He asked dumbfounded- he had obviously been racking his brains trying to dredge up any details at all.

"Well… not exactly. Who knows what you get up to Jack, I just know that you must have met Adam." The Doctor responded, turning away from the desk of now deconstructed alien devices.

"But who is he? An alien?" Jack said with raised eyebrows.

"Yeep. When Ianto gets back with Adam's box I'll explain everything to the whole team. But first there's a high probability that I'll need to do a fair bit of tinkering with this box, including hooking it up to some kind of power supply."

"I'm sure Toshiko can help you there, she's our technological genius!" Jack said proudly and Tosh nodded, bashful at the praise. "And like I said before, you can have access to any of our resources."

"Excellent!" The Doctor grinned, hopeful that there would be plenty of the supplies he required in the base. "Ah…" He suddenly bounded over to the approaching Ianto with youthful energy.

"Here you are, still exactly as we found it." Ianto said, passing over a clear bag with _Adam's Property _written boldly across the top, containing an unusual box with intricate geometric carvings worked into its surface.

The Doctor instantly took it out, turning it over and inspecting every inch closely. The team watching in fascination as he examined it, eager to learn of this unexplained item and this so called Adam that had stolen two days of their lives.

Donna peered over the Doctors shoulder, eyeing up the object he had been so desperate to find. To her it didn't seem all that special; she had seen far more remarkable things on her travels. She could not believe that something so small and apparently simple could be the key to finding Rose. It even looked to be made from wood from where she was standing. It was then that she realised that similar things could be said about the TARDIS by a person who had not looked inside, and waited patiently for the Doctor to reveal its secret.

She pulled back suddenly repulsed as the Doctor licked the surface briefly- she wished he didn't have to do that so often. The Torchwood team were also taken aback, baffled by the odd ways of this stranger. Owen looked particularly disgusted, staring at the Doctor as if he was completely mad- but perhaps he wasn't far wrong.

The Doctor then proceeded to pull out his sonic screwdriver and began probing the box. Toshiko looked up intrigued by the small device. "What's that?" She inquired.

"Sonic screwdriver," He said without really explaining, too engrossed in his work to pay the surrounding people any attention. After a few minutes he set the box down and smiled up at everyone.

"Right! Time to explain." There was a collective groan from his audience.

"At last!" Donna muttered in exasperation, giving him a shove.

x x x x x

The Torchwood team and Donna all sat around the long table in the conference room, looking up expectantly at the Doctor as he paraded at the top of the room.

"Okay," The Doctor breathed in deeply, preparing for what he did best- a lot of talking. "So let me start by telling you about Adam's species. They exist initially in the void; it's where they are born. Can you imagine that?" The Doctor said seriously, sympathy shining in his eyes.

"I'm sorry but what is the void exactly?" Gwen interjected.

"The space between parallel worlds." At the response of more blank faces he continued, "There are billions of parallel universes surrounding ours all piled up together, and the void is the gap between those worlds. It contains absolutely nothing- no life, no light, not even time." He said darkly. Gwen nodded uncertainly, not entirely sure she had grasped this concept but allowing him to continue.

"These creatures are telepathic and have the ability to alter a living organism's memory to suit their will. They are drawn to those with the most vivid, extraordinary memories, which is probably what drew Adam to you Jack. To all of you. Your knowledge and experiences with aliens is unlike most people on Earth. The same reason he was drawn to you Donna, after travelling with me." He saw Donna pale at these words. She suddenly became aware of how different she was from the average person now, and that she could never go back to an ordinary life. In addition to find out that that had made her a target for an alien scared her, especially seeing as if it weren't for the Doctor she'd still be best buddies with it. She felt suddenly vulnerable.

"What these creatures do is write themselves into your memories, making you believe that you've known them for years. And when they do that it causes them to become a reality, pulling them out of the void simply because you believe so strongly that they are real. But in return you lose some other memory. Maybe a person in your life, or an event. These are the things that define you as a person, so more often than not they cause you to become a completely different person, changing your very personality." The Doctor paused dramatically.

"Judging by the fact that none of you can remember Adam but you have two days missing that none of you can remember, I believe you encountered him. But what he didn't count on was how clever you lot were, and you figured it out. You say you have the ability to wipe the public's memory for convenience?" Jack nodded, "And that the CCTV footage must have been wiped by one of your team because no one else would have the access codes?" He directed at Tosh, and she agreed.

"So you're saying that we realised who he was and wiped our own memories of the two days he spent with us, forgetting he was ever there?" Jack summarised.

"Yep. Causing him to fall back into the void most likely, and leaving you without a clue who he was."

"So isn't it dangerous for you to tell us about him? Because technically now we do believe he was real even if we don't actually remember any of what happened." Tosh added.

"Well, no because once these creatures make it into the world it'd be impossible to completely erase them. There are always fragments of them that exist outside of the void, floating throughout reality because there will always be passers-by who may have walked past and glanced their faces. It's not substantial enough to keep them alive in the real world but it's enough for a small part of them to exist.

"Now, this box," The Doctor indicated the small wooden container, "acts essentially as a storage unit for the memories these creatures steal. They form a telepathic link with the box so that when they are inside a person's mind this is where their stolen memories get sent. But it is also an important part of what keeps them anchored in the real world. Now, once they have written themselves into a person's memory it releases a sort of energy from the belief they have that the creature is real, and the box harnesses this energy and allows the creature to come through from the void. If their link with the box is broken then they completely lose their grip on the world, and become trapped in the void permanently." The Doctor stopped to catch his breath, looking at the teams impressed faces.

"How do you know all this?" Tosh asked incredulously.

"Like I said I'm an alien." He said simply.

"Trust me it'd be harder to think of something he's not an expert on." Donna turned to her, "He's in his element right now." The Doctor grinned and winked at her. It was clear Tosh wanted to know more, but managed to refrain from pressing the matter.

There was a moment of silence as they waited for the Doctor to resume his speech, but he appeared to be in another world. He was frowning slightly, and staring at the wall in front of him.

He knew that the next bit he needed to explain involved telling them who Rose was. How could he describe her? How could he make them understand how important she was to him? Thousands of words he would use to describe her flashed before his mind but still he could not find a description that would do her justice. She was simply _Rose_. It was almost as if her name were a word you could look up in the dictionary and see next to it brave, caring, funny, selfless… he could go on all day.

"Doctor?" Donna prompted gently. She had guessed what was coming next.

"Yes! Sorry!" The Doctor attempted to recover, but his fake smile failed to cover up his true feelings. Jack too now realised what it was that had caused the Doctor to falter, and attempted to help him out a little, nudging him on.

"The Doctor needs us to help him find our good friend Rose." He started for him, and the Doctor gave him a thankful glance.

"Travel between parallel worlds – as I mentioned earlier when describing the void to you – is impossible. I'm guessing all of you recall the battle of Canary Wharf?" The Doctor asked grimly. The team nodded, all except for Ianto who merely stared straight ahead, his eyes glazed over. "The truth of what happened there was that there was a breach between two parallel worlds caused by the Daleks coming through from out of the void. Torchwood found this breach and deliberately tried to open it, allowing the Cybermen to come through that breach from a different universe. The fact that they were travelling across parallel worlds was damaging both worlds and left alone both universes would have collapsed. But I stopped it by opening the breach for a final time, and all the Daleks and Cybermen were pulled back into the void, the breach sealing itself shut behind them." The Doctor sighed, stating his victory casually as if it were nothing.

"But I lost Rose." He took a deep breath. "She ended up on the other side of the breach in the parallel universe just before it shut forever. There was no way for her to come back." The Doctor looked down, avoiding everyone's eyes. Everyone in the room was affected by his story- it may not have been your average tragic tale but to see this man who minutes before had been bouncing around grinning reduced to this was shocking to them all. Even Donna had never heard the full story, and her heart went out to him.

"But you _have _found a way?" Jack reminded him. The Doctor looked up and smiled truly this time, hope shining through.

"Yes I have. Adam used this box to write himself into your memories, to bring him out of the void yes? Well what if I could rewire it a little, form a new telepathic link with the box and use it with my memories to write Rose into existence, bringing her from that world, across the void and into ours?" He grinned broadly. Jack stared at him, his mouth hanging slightly open in astonishment.

"You could really do that?" He said in awe.

"Theoretically." The Doctor replied, avoiding confronting whether or not it would physically work. He would deal with that later if he needed to, but right now he felt drunk off hope.

"Hang on a minute," Owen started, "You said you are going to telepathically link yourself to that box, but isn't it already linked to Adam?"

"Well first I would have to break his link with the box yes." The Doctor admitted.

"But won't that trap Adam in the void?" Gwen criticised.

"But it was you lot that tried to wipe him from your memories in the first place." The Doctor gave her a grave stare.

"You don't know that for certain." She countered, but at his unwavering glare she looked away guiltily.

"Anyway no, it won't actually." The Doctor carried on, returning to his cheerier mood. "These creatures must have more than one of these boxes otherwise it would be too risky if anything happened to one. This one was even inactive according to my sonic; this was just the closest one that it picked up."

"So what do we do first?" Jack urged on.

"Firstly I need to physically alter the box in various ways, so for example I need to tune it in to the parallel world where Rose is."

Jack rubbed his hands together eagerly and got to his feet. "Right! So what are we waiting for!"

* * *

**A/N: Hope that wasn't too farfetched XD Now I really should be focusing on my revision in the next couple of weeks as I have A levels on the 12th and 18th of June :( I have roughly planned what will go in the next three chapters though, so I might still keep writing, just please be patient until after the 18th because then I will be free of school forever :D**

**Thanks again for reading :) Doctor Who is back on tomorrow!!**


	4. The Work Begins

**A/N: Heh, yeah…. Revision. I am so doomed.**

**I don't know if this chapter is quite up to scratch, my mind seems a bit all over the shop at the moment, but I hope it's alright. I also seem to have developed a complete inability to think of chapter titles.**

* * *

Chapter 4

The Work Begins

The Doctor made short work of the alien technology Torchwood had to offer. After being let loose in the hub he set to work on modifying Adam's box, more determined than ever. Within minutes he had made the place his own- bits of wire and metal were strewn everywhere and rejected devices were cast into piles that were gradually threatening to cage him in.

Throughout the duration of the day the Doctor had several visitors. Many of the Torchwood team seemed to be feeling obliged to offer their help, feeling rather like a spare part themselves after realising the Doctor had wanted their help in the form of using their resources rather than requiring any physical input. Occasionally they would stumble into his room, causing cascades of machinery parts tumbling to the ground in the process and muttering a small apology as he glared at them.

So when the alarms suddenly sounded out signalling some sort of rift activity, the Doctor was pleased – with all due respect – to see them leave. He felt a little guilty about leaving Donna to her own devices, but she seemed to be busying herself with something or other. She knew better than to interrupt him when he was working.

Others had made the mistake of trying to make conversation, asking him to explain what it was he was doing- but all of them had left soon after with a stunned and slightly fearful expression on their faces. Owens reaction had amused Donna the most. He had attempted to keep his cool, acting as though he understood every word the Doctor had said. But he had soon tripped over his own words making a fool of himself, and swiftly leaft muttering irritably under his breath.

Now though the hub was silent save for the whirring and bleeping of various equipment, and the Doctor made good progress. After working well for a solid hour or so without noise or interruption, he sat back to take a breather. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, tired but in high spirits. Just as he was considering which section to work on next he heard a small knocking at the door.

"Hello?" Toshiko's voice called softly, her head appearing around the doorframe.

"Oh… hello," The Doctor greeted kindly, slightly surprised at her presence. "I didn't realise anyone was still here."

"Ah, I had to stay behind to give them readings from my computer. They've just finished up, they should be back soon." The Doctor suppressed the urge to moan at the prospect of the hub once again filling with noise. "So…how is it going?" She asked, giving the Doctor a shy smile.

"Great actually, though there's still quite a bit to be done I'm afraid." He said scratching his neck distractedly.

"Well, would you still like me to help you hook it up to a power supply?" Tosh asked nervously, and then added quickly, "I don't mind if you'd rather work alone, I mean I'm sure you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself. In fact you'd almost definitely do it better-"

"I'd like that, that's very kind of you." He cut off her rambling, smiling sincerely at her. She was about the only person he would let near this box. He could see the spark of intelligence within her, and that she was far above average for a human when it came to understanding technology. Tosh smiled in return, pleased at the acceptance of her offer.

By the time the rest of the Torchwood team had returned Toshiko and the Doctors joint effort on the box was well underway. It turned out they made an excellent team, and Tosh managed to keep up relatively well with the delicate workings of the box.

For the majority of the time Tosh and the Doctor worked quite quietly, only talking about the box when it was required. Tosh was amazed by the intensity of the Doctor's focus on his project, and it stirred many questions in her mind. Feeling a confidence boost from his acceptance of her she decided to take a chance and ask him some questions.

"So… who is Rose? If you don't mind me asking." The Doctor faltered for the first time, caught off guard. It was that same dilemma- how to describe Rose?

"She was… incredible." He managed, leaning back and staring off into space. "She travelled with me for oh… such long time."

"Travelled? Where did you go?" Tosh asked with interest, and the Doctor chuckled.

"Anywhere." He said wistfully, his eyes glistening. "We went to the end of the Earth, to the frozen beaches of Women Wept, even to Queen Elizabeth's coronation." He beamed at Tosh as she gazed at him partly with awe and partly with confusion. She was finding it hard to tell when he was being serious. He continued, "We faced things you couldn't possibly imagine; werewolves, clockwork men, even Charles Dickens." He grinned.

"How is that possible?" She gasped, going out on a limb and deciding to believe what he was saying was the truth. There was something about him that made her feel she could trust him with her life, even though he was still a complete stranger to her.

"Alien!" He said again, but this time she wouldn't take that for an answer.

"No but really Doctor?" She pushed him, and he sighed defeated.

"I'm a time traveller." He said, pausing to take in Tosh's reaction. She looked at him in amazement, speechless. The thought of having that sort of ability, that freedom…

"I can literally go anywhere or when in the universe. Anywhere except for where Rose is that is." His face dropped. "She was never going to leave me." He continued, talking more to himself than to Tosh. "I made her the exception, the one I wouldn't leave behind. But the decision wasn't ours to make." He drifted off, staring into the distance sorrowfully. "I was so broken when she found me. She was what got me through, she fixed me."

"I'm so sorry," Tosh said gently- it was clear to her now just how much Rose was to him. He turned and looked directly at Toshiko, and saw inside her eyes an understanding, and a familiar loneliness.

"We're going to sort this box out, you and me, and you'll get her back. You've found the way, you'll see her soon." She smiled, attempting to reassure him. _If only it were that simple _he thought.

"But even if this works, eventually I will have to say goodbye to her for good." Tosh looked at him questioningly. "I will outlive her, it's almost guaranteed." He explained. She kept forgetting he wasn't human, despite it being his favourite excuse for any hard to answer questions.

"But you know what that feels like don't you? Knowing that you can be with someone but that you almost definitely won't be able to spend the rest of your life with them." His words caught her off guard, and she opened her mouth to respond but couldn't find the words. The Doctor looked across the hub in the direction of the autopsy room where Owen was milling about.

"His time is running out- time he should never have had in the first place." The Doctor said sombrely.

"You mean… you know that he's…" Tosh couldn't bring herself to say it but the Doctor nodded grimly. "How?"

"Well… it's not all that difficult to notice someone who isn't breathing or doesn't have a heartbeat." The fact that the Doctor had not only been this perceptive and worked it out by himself but how easily he'd been able to accept the concept of a dead man who was still alive disturbed her. How much had those eyes really seen?

"I'm so sorry." The Doctor looked at her sympathetically, and suddenly they had switched roles.

"Yeh." She gave him a brave smile- it was all she could muster.

"You know I used to be such a different person. Before I let myself get too close to anyone I would leave them behind, never saying goodbye, never looking back. I couldn't or I thought I wouldn't be able to cope. It was my way of dealing with the pain. I wanted to remember them as young and happy – the thought of seeing them age, watching them die…" He sighed heavily. "But then came Rose, and she taught me so much. For the first time in my life I thought, _I'm never going to leave her_ because I knew she deserved better. I knew I could never spend forever with her, but I learnt that if I didn't take every opportunity I could I'd regret it. I let myself believe we would always be together and it was the best time of my life. I fell harder as a result, but I wouldn't have missed a second of it for the world." As Tosh looked at him now she saw such knowing in his eyes, and felt inspired.

"Thank you," She said softly, feeling tears prickle at her eyes. She turned away, hiding her face and returned her concentration to the box. The Doctor didn't say anymore, leaving her to recover, and drifted through his memories of all the companions he had left behind.

x x x x x

They continued to work until late that night, occasionally chatting and getting to know each other better. By the time it reached 9pm they were both thoroughly exhausted, and Jack came in to send Tosh home.

"No offence Doctor, but I _am _her boss," Jack smirked light heartedly.

"That's alright, we were more or less finished now anyway." He turned to Tosh, "You should go and get some rest. Thanks for helping me out today, and for talking." He smiled warmly at her, and they said their goodbyes. When it was just the Doctor and Jack left in the room, Jack turned to the Doctor with a more serious expression on his face.

"Doctor… I've been thinking." He began reluctantly. "Don't get me wrong, just hear me out. I would bet my life that Rose would do absolutely anything to be with you again, but her whole family is in that parallel world. Everyone else that she cares for. I'm not doubting her, but how can you go through with this without giving her the choice first? Or at the very least giving her warning so she can say goodbye. She'll never see them again." The Doctor hung his head solemnly and ran his hands through his hair.

"I know. I've been avoiding it but I know I have to give her the choice." The Doctor said glumly. "How can I do this to her? How can I make her choose between me and her family?"

"She won't blame you Doctor, you know that. It's not your fault. But I _was_ thinking more along the lines of how the heck can you even ask her?"

"Oh… the same way I did last time." He responded matter-of-factly.

"Last time?" Jack asked confused.

"Yep. It was just after she had been trapped there, and I had found a gap in the universe. I contacted her in a dream, telling her to meet me- well, a hologram of me. I projected myself into her universe so we could say goodbye." The Doctor explained.

"You never told me about that." Jack said a little perturbed.

"It wasn't something I wanted to dwell on." The Doctor said, his eyes distant.

"How can you even do that- contact her in a dream?" Jack asked incredulously. Even now this man who he thought he knew so well was still full of surprises.

"We share a slight telepathic link, ever since she absorbed the heart of time vortex from the TARDIS. It's not much, but just enough for me to be able to reach her."

"How come you don't contact her all the time then?" Jack said slightly bewildered.

"It's difficult. It requires a hell of a lot of focus and it's exhausting to project my consciousness across dimensions. But it's worth it of course. "He grinned, indicating this wasn't the real reason. He would endure any amount of pain just to be able to speak to her again. "But after we said goodbye properly it didn't seem fair to put her through that again, though I've been tempted at times. I think the dreams come out a little abstract too- to her they probably just seem like an average dream. Well maybe slightly better than average... but it could be hard for her to tell if it was actually sent by me or just a figment of her imagination. Not that I'm suggesting she dreams about me all the time." He smiled cheekily.

"Careful, you're starting to sound like me." Jack grinned in response. "So when will you do it?"

"I think tonight, when everyone's gone and its quiet. I'll need to be alone so I can concentrate."

"I'll make sure no one disturbs you." The Doctor nodded a thanks gratefully.

x x x x x

Later that night, when the hub was devoid of all life and not a sound could be heard, the Doctor settled himself down. After finding a comfortable position, he relaxed and opened his mind.

* * *

**A/N: I keep going off on tangents when writing Tosh's parts don't I? Sorry, I can't resist. This is my first time writing her and I've discovered I rather like it. She's such a fascinating character that I always feel so sorry for. She's been through so much, and yet she's still such a gentle person. She needs a hug.**

**Anyways, most of the next chapter is already written seeing as I did it before writing this one, don't ask me why I've been having some very peculiar moods recently o.O**

**And how amazing was Silence In The Library?! And who the heck is River Song?? –implodes- (that was rhetorical by the way, I don't want any spoilers :P)**

**Thanks for reading!**


	5. On The Other Side

**A/N: Two days to wait until 'Forest of the Dead'… but will we get answers? :P**

* * *

Chapter 5

On The Other Side 

It was a particularly bland day in London- blimps casually drifted across the dull grey sky, the heavy clouds threatening rain. Along the bank of the river Thames a seemingly insignificant blonde girl sat alone, watching the world go by as if they were a different species. There were all sorts of people; some dashed past in a hurry to get to their busy jobs; others jogged past, trying to get in their daily exercise; and then there were those who strolled by casually, taking their dogs for a walk or holding hands with a lover - though the girl hastily turned away from these as if they burnt her eyes.

But all of them had one thing in common at the very least. Although the Cyberman invasion had hit this world hard everyone had moved on by now. Yes there was still much fear and suspicion, but the evidence was that the Cybermen were well and truly gone, and the majority of the survivors had progressed with their lives.

But the lonely blonde girl still dwelled on that fateful day.

Rose thought about it all the time. Whenever she was left alone in fact, which tended to be quite often. She preferred to be alone though; she couldn't bear to see people trying to cheer her up, and when they tried to comfort her it was even worse. She didn't want to break down in front of them- she had to be strong. After a while most people had learnt to respect her desire for privacy, though she suspected it was more likely that she made them feel uncomfortable. She was after all a young girl who had experienced more than she should have done at her youthful age, and who had come from nowhere without much in the way of an explanation. She felt better when she was on her own away from these people who knew nothing of her life.

Perhaps her need for solitude was because she knew how lonely he had been. She had promised him forever, and in a way she felt guilty. She at least still had her family, whereas she had left him completely by himself. The thought of him travelling through distant planets with no one to even talk to or to hold his hand caused her heart to ache, let alone the thought of what would happen if he got into trouble and there was no one there to look out for him. Although it hurt that it could not be her, she prayed that he had found someone else to look after him.

Rose on the other hand had made the decision to not let herself get close to anyone else. Losing him had caused her so much pain, deeper than she could have ever imagined. She smiled despite herself, realising that in a small way she seemed to be turning into the Doctor. And then she promptly felt ashamed – he had so much more reason to be the way he was, she had merely had a taster of the anguish he must feel.

It wasn't as if she had completely isolated herself from the world though. She still often saw Mickey, although most of the time it was simply at work. He had moved forwards with his life and started a family. He was happy, and she was pleased for him because she felt he deserved it. This world had been much kinder to him than their original one had been.

Rose spent most of her time with her mum, Pete and their new baby girl. She was coming up to be eight months old now, with a growing tuft of bright blonde hair to match Rose's. But seeing the baby growing so rapidly reminded her of how quickly time was flying past. It had already been so long since the breach had sealed, and still it had got no easier.

She still recalled the first time she thought she had been separated from the Doctor for good. Standing alone in the TARDIS facing a hologram of her old Doctor, seeing him suddenly turn to look at her with such emotion in his eyes and telling her to live a fantastic life for him. So she would – she would live her life as full as she could manage, just for him because she knew it was what he would want. She had already seen some incredible things since she had been in this parallel world, whilst working for Torchwood. It didn't quite live up to travelling through time and space but it was as close as she could get to touching the stars.

But what was it without him? Because it wasn't the travelling or the sights, not when it came down to it. It was that quirky, intelligent, sensitive man that she had fallen in love with. Yes she lived her life but without having him to share it with it all seemed so empty and meaningless. He _was _her life.

She suddenly realised she had let her mind linger on thoughts of him for longer than was healthy for her mental state, and wearily got to her feet to make her way back to her mums. She still lived with them, as the house was so big there was plenty of room and she didn't have anywhere else to go. But she still couldn't bring herself to call it home.

As she trudged through the front door she passed Pete who was talking animatedly on the phone, but gave her a quick smile as she walked by. She made her way towards the stairs, lingering in the doorway of the vast living room where she could see Jackie feeding the baby, smiling contentedly.

Everyone seemed so much happier in this world, Rose thought to herself. Mickey finally had his own life, her dad was still alive and her mum now had the baby, Pete _and_ Rose. However she knew that it was more important to her mum to see Rose happy than for her to be at home with her. Jackie knew more than anyone what the Doctor meant to Rose, and it tore her apart to see her daughter in such distress. After all she had suffered losing her husband – she knew what it felt like to lose the one you love.

Rose shook her head angrily trying to knock some sense into herself. Today she just couldn't seem to stop thinking about him. Over the months she had found ways of distracting herself, although none of them really worked they were just enough to allow her to live. Shaking it off as being tired she dragged herself up to her room where she dropped onto her bed exhausted. Whether it was from overworking herself at Torchwood or her emotions running riot she couldn't tell.

Even now as she felt her eyelids grow heavy she could see his face swimming into view, his deep brown eyes gazing at her longingly. If only she could just reach out to him… just for a hug… please…

Rose suddenly jolted awake, sitting upright and breathing rapidly. Jackie was sat on the bed next to her, a startled look upon her face.

"I'm sorry love, I didn't mean to scare you." She apologised softly. Rose looked about her, feeling a little dazed. It had begun to get dark, and she was still in her clothes from the day. She must have drifted off she resolved. "I didn't really want to wake you, I just thought you should get into bed properly. You didn't look very comfortable; you're still wearing your jacket and everything." Jackie said in a typical motherly way, beginning to potter about putting clothes away.

"Thanks mum." Rose said not really listening, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She could still practically see the Doctor's face in her mind – he had seemed more vivid than ever. Jackie paused, noticing that oh so familiar look on her daughters face. She could tell when Rose was thinking about the Doctor.

"I brought you a cup of tea, it's there on the side for you." She added gently, but Rose merely nodded not really hearing her. Jackie sighed and sat back down next to her. "Were you dreaming about him again?" Rose nodded glumly. Jackie had hoped that they wouldn't end up talking about this again, but she supposed it had been unavoidable. She had been able to tell when she had walked into Rose's room to find her smiling happily to herself in her sleep. It was the only time she really saw her looking peaceful anymore.

"Oh sweetheart," Jackie hugged her daughter close, "It does get easier I promise."

"But when mum? I can't keep doing this." Rose said desperately, her eyes shining with tears.

"In some ways it was easier for me to move on I suppose, because I knew for certain that he would never come back. Well… I thought that," she added on second thought, "But he's still out there somewhere, so you'll always have that hope."

"But I can't give up that hope mum, it's the only thing I've got left. I have to live my life believing that I'll see him again cause otherwise… I can't carry on. It's the only thing that keeps me fighting." Rose said passionately, the tears escaping her eyes. For a moment Jackie was silent, not knowing how to respond to Rose's powerful words.

Jackie considered to herself how likely she actually thought it would be that they would see the Doctor again, and realised she seemed to have lost faith. At first she had been sure that he would appear again to sweep Rose off her feet, always expecting to turn the corner and find a blue box standing proudly before her. But the days had stretched out into months, and still he didn't come. Now she felt there was very little hope for Rose, but to see her daughter still clinging onto it broke her heart.

"If he did came back now Rose, and he offered to take you back to that other world… would you go?" Jackie asked suddenly, almost pleading. But she knew the answer was inevitable.

"Mum…" Rose looked at her sorrowfully, but thankfully before she was forced to answer Pete called up from downstairs.

"Jackie! That was Darren on the phone, can I have a word?" He beckoned her, his voice echoing up through the vast house. Jackie sighed and got to her feet.

"You make sure you get into bed properly this time, you could do with the rest." She gave Rose one last weak smile before hurrying off to meet Pete. For a fleeting moment she prayed for her to have that impossible second chance she had had with Pete, forsaking the pain it would cause her to lose her daughter forever.

Rose took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that had begun to fall down her cheeks. Despite her earlier nap she could still feel the sleep tugging at her, even though she wouldn't have said she felt particularly tired. But she had no reason to stay awake so she began to get ready, getting into her pyjamas.

No sooner had she settled in amongst the warm, comfy sheets than she found herself deep in slumber. She began to dream, random images related to her day flitting past, barely registered.

And then there he was. The Doctor in all his glory. Hands stuffed in the pockets of his brown pinstriped trousers, brown hair ruffled and sticking out at odd angles- the same as he always was. She dreamed of him often, but only once had he seemed so clear, so perfect, so… real.

In her dream Rose approached him and the details of his face swam into focus. She gazed upon the face she loved so dearly and her heart sang as a smile spread across his lips. He looked at her tenderly, his deep brown eyes shining with adoration. For a moment she wondered if this was all the dream would consist of, but then he opened his mouth to speak.

"Hello Rose," He said simply, his familiar voice resounding in her head causing her heart to skip a beat. He sounded so clear…

"Hello!" Was all she could manage, beaming back at him.

"Oh Rose I've missed you so much," He said expressively as he leaned forwards and pulled her into a tight hug. She suddenly felt so overwhelmingly happy, her troubles melting away as she buried her head in his chest.

"I've missed you too," She spoke into his jacket. It felt like they stayed like that forever – their imaginary forever that was stolen from them, that they never had in the first place. Time was difficult to measure in a dream, but them time with him had always been hard to determine. Eventually she felt him pull away reluctantly.

"Rose, I haven't got that much time," He said suddenly regaining focus on his purpose, and her face fell. She wished she could stay in this dream for all eternity and never wake up. But when she saw that he had continued to smile, and saw his eyes bursting with hope she allowed him to talk.

And then he said the words she'd been so desperately longing to hear.

"I've found a way…" He grinned, and she knew immediately what he meant. She felt her heart burst with elation and tears of joy found their way to her eyes.

"Really? You really mean it? I can come back to you?" She said quickly getting excited.

"Yes, but Rose…" His smile faded a little, causing her to hesitate, "are you sure it's what you want?" She looked at him staggered by his question.

"What do you mean? Of course it is, it's all I want!" He looked at her affectionately, touched by her words.

"But seriously… and I'm so _so_ sorry to have to make you choose… but you won't ever be able to come back." He said agonisingly, and suddenly she understood.

It was him or her family. The man she adored or her mum, dad, little sister and best friend. She felt her heart tear just a little bit, before swallowing hard and fighting back her raging emotions. She stepped towards him confidently and took his hand, tears still lingering in her eyes.

"Do you not remember what I said to you all that time ago? Back to before I ever got trapped here, back at Torchwood tower. I said I'd made my decision, and that was final. I'm never going to leave you." She gave him a brave smile, her eyes looking at him firmly to show she meant it. The Doctor's heart melted, his doubts gone.

"Thank you Rose." He smiled at her lovingly, squeezing her hand.

"So… how soon?" She said with anticipation, all logical questions of how he would do it washed away by her excitement.

"About a day, late on tomorrow if I can. Just… be ready, I won't be able to warn you again. You'll just be pulled through." Rose took a deep breath, calming herself and he grinned at her enthusiasm. Suddenly the image of him flickered before her eyes, and she looked up at him fearfully.

"I have to go now," and she looked at him pleading, willing him to stay longer. "The sooner I leave the sooner I can see you again, for real." He reassured her, hugging her again. And when she opened her eyes he was gone.

Rose sat bolt upright for the second time that night, tangled up in her sheets. She breathed rapidly, and a moment's panic washed over her. _Had it just been a dream? _For a moment she felt that well-known sensation you get when waking from a dream that was too good to be true, and you realise with regret that it hadn't been real.

But no, the more she thought about it, remembering the clarity of his words, the surer she became. Slowly it began to sink in.

He was coming for her.

x x x x x

Jackie was sitting on the sofa holding the baby, distractedly flicking through the channels on the TV, with Pete sat next to her reading the paper. How could she ever have predicted she would end up like this? Even as she held his baby in her arms she still couldn't get her head around the fact that she had Pete back. As she pondered over her unexpected fortune she heard a telltale creak of someone creeping down the stairs.

"Mum…" Jackie turned to answer as she heard her daughter entering the room. But when she saw Rose's smiling face she felt her stomach drop. She hadn't seen her daughter that happy since they'd been in this world. Against all the odds, she knew what was coming next.

"Mum… I'm going home."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry if that was really rambly and angsty. I wrote this having just watched Silence in the Library and then having bought Doctor Who magazine with a very sorrowful looking Rose poster from series four with a quote from Billie Piper promising that this series is going to make us all cry. I am so doomed. It's going to be Doomsday all over again- a sobbing mess hugging a pillow. XD**

**Sorry I didn't name the baby, two reasons for that. a. I'm terrible at coming up with names and b. it oddly frustrates me that there's been so many fanfics which included Jackie's baby and that everyone has given him/her a different name. I know there's no other way round that but I don't know why it bugs me. Especially when more often than not it's a name I really don't like, but then I am a very fussy person. Anyways, I hope it didn't sound too weird :) I did figure however that Jackie and Pete's baby would probably turn out a hell of a lot like Rose.**

**Thanks again for reading!**


	6. Now It's Just the Waiting

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the mega long wait! So this chapter is nice and long :D and I've also decided to split this story up into two sections (not that it really makes any difference) but this is going to be the last chapter of section one, now entitled Found. :) So now all my exams are over and I have an amazing summer to look forward to! So hopefully updates will be more frequent.**

**And oh my god… how amazing was Turn Left?? I screamed so much I went dizzy! haha XD waiting for this finale is killing me!**

* * *

Chapter 6

Now It's Just the Waiting

The Doctor awoke from his trance with a gasp, emerging from the dream as if he was surfacing from a pool of icy water. He breathed in deeply, trying to catch his breath as consciousness flooded into to his body. He felt slightly dizzy and completely drained, but as he felt the warmth restoring and flowing through his veins a smile crept across his features.

_She had said yes _he thought gleefully, remembering how it had felt to have her back in his arms clinging to him as if she would never let go. He had almost lost himself to the dream, and he had only been able to part from her by reminding himself that it was only a tantalising taster and that the real thing would be so much more. He could still see her face beaming up at him in his mind, her eyes sparkling with joy as stray tears spilled down her cheeks.

And then he came to his senses, plummeting back to Earth as he remembered the next step that needed to be carried out, just in case…

His smile faded slightly, reality crashing down upon him. He felt so weary after the effort of projecting his consciousness across the void, all he wanted to do was rest his eyes and think of Rose – but things needed to be done. He had to keep his word and then he could be with her by the end of the day. His heart skipped a beat at the mere thought. It was enough to spur him on.

He just prayed everything would go to plan…

x x x x x

When Jack entered the room the Doctor had commandeered early the next morning to find him still tinkering away, it was as if he hadn't left. It wouldn't surprise him if the Doctor hadn't stopped working all through the night.

"Did you do it?" He asked apprehensively, fearful of a negative response. However his doubt washed away as the Doctor smiled at him broadly.

"She said yes!" The Doctor said simply, bounding over to Jack and gripping him in an overjoyed hug.

"Oh yes!" Jack said in relief, hugging him back. He would have been shocked if she hadn't said yes, but he secretly hoped that Rose knew what she was doing and that she had thought carefully about her decision. He knew what it was like to lose your family- he just didn't want her to make a decision she would later regret.

"So what's the next step?" Jack asked as he was released from the hug.

"Well firstly I need to sever Adam's link with the box, and tune myself in forming a telepathic link with it so it'll respond to me instead," he said confidently. "That shouldn't take too long; I'll need to spend most of today actually writing in all my memories of Rose." The Doctor paused, his confidence giving way to a look of unease.

"What is it?" Jack prompted him, instantly noticing his change of mood.

"Nothing!" The Doctor's smile quickly returned, "It'll just take a while that's all, there's a lot of memories after all…" He drifted off, looking into the distance.

"So… you think you'll be able to bring her across today?" Jack continued, trying to focus the Doctor.

"Yep. Later this evening if all goes to plan." The last part sounded a little too doubtful, and the Doctor didn't seem nearly excited enough at the prospect of Rose returning. Jack had taken this all in, but he knew if there was some sort of risk – which was more than likely seeing as they were once again attempting the impossible and it involved the Doctor – he would never admit it, so Jack decided against pressing the matter and simply nodded in acceptance. He could have sworn he saw a look of relief in the Doctor's eyes at his successful evasion of Jack interrogating him.

Suddenly something on the desk caught Jack's eye as it reflected the harsh light of the room, causing him to wince. As he shifted to an angle that did not blind him he saw that it was just a disc, but it seemed so out of place amongst the grubby machinery parts and tools. Jack picked it up and inspected it curiously.

"What's this?" Jack gestured at the mysterious item in question. The Doctor looked up from his work and upon seeing what Jack was holding he quickly moved across the room and snatched it out of his hands.

"Nothing." He said bluntly, quickly pocketing the item. "Now when I'm writing in the memories," he continued swiftly hoping to create yet another not so subtle diversion, "I will enter a sort of trance, almost like meditation. I will need a certain level of concentration, so I'm best left alone but I can communicate if you need me for anything urgent." The Doctor gave Jack a firm look, his eyes silently demanding him not to ask any further questions about the disc.

Jack was now convinced that the disc was actually quite significant and that something was clearly troubling the Doctor, but knowing how stubborn he was and judging by the look in his eyes he knew not to ask. The Doctor was always hiding _something, _but he had never let them down so he had to have faith in him.

"I'll let the rest of the team know the news." Jack responded, a hint of grudging defeat in his voice as he left without another word.

As the rest of the team started to drift in a short while later Jack informed them of the Doctors progress, and that he would hopefully be ready by the end of the day. There was a calm, almost contented mood lingering in the Torchwood hub as people pottered about, eagerly awaiting news from the Doctor. As he had predicted it didn't take him long to establish a new link with Adam's box- it had now become 'The Doctor's box' as he had proudly announced to the team, and by around midmorning it was ready to receive memories of Rose.

Donna had been attempting to help out with small tasks that Tosh had given her to busy herself, but she found it hard to keep up with her unmatchable knowledge of technology. She eventually came up with an excuse and left to find the Doctor. She was surprised when she came across him dawdling aimlessly on the balcony, apparently lost in deep thought.

"Oi!" Donna gave him a firm poke to get his attention, causing him to jump as he had not noticed her approach. "What do you think you're doing slacking off? Anyone would think you were having second thoughts." She said jokingly bossing him around. But when he gave her a peculiar look she couldn't quite read her face dropped in shock. "Oh my god… you're not are you?"

"No," The Doctor said firmly, "No… it's not that." Donna breathed in relief.

"Oh thank god for that, you had me worried there for a moment." Noticing his expression however hadn't changed she didn't feel entirely convinced. "Well… what is it then?" The Doctor sighed deeply, running his hands through his hair as he thought something through. Making a decision he took Donna's hand and led her away from the desks where the Torchwood team were working nearby, and into a quiet room shutting the door behind them.

"Okay," He began reluctantly, Donna watching him nervously. "I haven't told anyone else about this yet because I'm not sure what the chances of it actually happening are, but I'm taking the necessary precautions in case it does and I think it's best that someone else knows about it."

"You're not in any danger are you? Tell me you're not risking your life or anything with this thing!" Donna interrupted heatedly, a mixture of anger and fear rising in her voice.

"No I'm not in any danger," the Doctor said smiling at her in appreciation of her concern and amused at her fiery reaction. But the sadness still showed in his eyes, tainting the smile that was supposed to be reassuring. "It's just that…" he stopped to think of how to put it, "…this is a tricky process. Like I said before, memories are a delicate thing, dangerous to meddle with."

"So you are in danger!" Donna roared at him, her eyes beginning to water.

"No no listen." He shushed her hastily. "I've just been thinking over the effects this could possibly have, nothings certain. But it's occurred to me that this _could _affect _my_ memories. Similar to how when Adam wrote himself into your mind it made you forget me." He explained talking expressively with his hands, "I'm scared that… that if I use my memories of Rose to write her into this world that I may lose them… that I'll forget her." He looked away from her, attempting to conceal the genuine fear in his eyes.

"My memories of her are so important to me. They're what keeps me fighting. Once upon a time I'd try to forget and move on from the people I left behind, because I wasn't strong enough to face the concept of never seeing them again, but with Rose it was different. I need to remember her because she changed me so much, she made me a better person in oh… so many ways. Especially if this failed and I never saw her again… it'd be like I never even met her…" his eyes shone with tears that he was clearly fighting to hold back.

"Oh my god…" Donna looked at him sympathetically, unsure of what else to say. She knew how often he thought of Rose- whenever she found him alone in the TARDIS with a far off expression on his face she knew that he was actually running across some alien planet a million miles away with her at his side, and the smile that he reserved only for Rose would grace his features. "How likely is it?" She barely dared to ask.

"I'm not sure," he said unconvincingly, "but I figured if I have even the slightest chance of getting Rose back then it was a risk worth taking." It was almost a question as he looked pleadingly at Donna for reassurance. She understood that the Doctor needed her to tell him that he was doing the right thing, and that he should go through with it despite the possibilities. She gulped back the lump in her throat and nodded resolutely.

"Yeah. Of course."

"If… if it does happen, and Rose comes through but I lose my memories of her, I need you to give her this." The Doctor reached into his pocket and produced a disc.

"What is it?" Donna said, taking it with care.

"Just tell her to use it in the TARDIS console; she'll know what to do." Donna accepted this instruction, gathering from the avoided question that it was private to Rose. "If it comes to it it could be my last bit of hope." He looked down at his feet, saddened. "And… if I don't remember her, I need you to tell her…" he hesitated, shuffling restlessly, "… tell her that I…" he swallowed. "I need you to let her know how much she means to me. Even if it doesn't seem it."

Donna felt her heart break for him. After all this time, he finally had the chance to be reunited with his long lost Rose and he couldn't even be excited for fear of the possible side effects. She couldn't imagine being the one who would have to explain to Rose, but the fact that the Doctor had trusted her to do it meant a lot to her. She just prayed it wouldn't come to it.

"Of course I will. I know how important she is to you Doctor." She gave his hand a squeeze of encouragement and he gave her a small smile of thanks in return. "But hey, let's not think about that now. We'll deal with that when we have to." She attempted to lighten the mood and be enthusiastic. "Just try and focus on you getting to see her again." He took a deep breath.

"Right then!" and with that all the emotion he had just so blatantly exposed to her was seamlessly covered up with a grin – clearly a well practised exercise. He dashed across to the door, leaving Donna feeling a little stunned by his abrupt departure.

"Okay team!" He declared from the top of the balcony, gaining everyone's attention. "Oh I still don't like that… team… crew, squad… anyway you all listening?" At a few raised eyebrows he swiftly continued, "As I'm sure Jack told you all before I need most of today to focus on writing in the memories, so I could do with some peace and quiet." He said trying his best to be polite. "So just to let you all know… I'm ready to start."

x x x x x

The rest of the day seemed to pass sluggishly, a tension rising in the air. It was a mixture of anticipation after such a dramatic build up, the uncertainty of whether or not it would work and the excitement of finally meeting this so called Rose.

Jack in particular was very on edge, having sensed trepidation within the Doctor. Suddenly what was supposed to be a joyous event seemed somehow tainted, as if something had gone wrong. He didn't know what it was that had happened, but he had a bad feeling about it.

Donna felt isolated from the group by her burden of knowledge only she had been trusted with. She paced the hub nervously trying to preoccupy herself, however failing miserably. When Jack had approached her having noticed her restlessness, he had suspected her of knowing something more about what the Doctor was doing. Donna had been tempted to confide in Jack so that she didn't feel quite so alone, but had decided to respect the Doctor's wishes and kept quiet.

So now it was just the waiting.

Donna frequently went to check on the Doctor, anxious in case he really had been lying about his own health being in danger. She always found him with the same intense expression on his face, his eyes tightly closed in concentration. He was sat cross legged on the floor like a small child, firmly gripping either side of the box so that it was held out in front of him. Occasionally a smile would flutter across his face softening the intensity, and Donna took this to be his fondest memories of Rose surfacing, which only broke her heart all the more.

She would watch him until she could no longer bear it, and then retreat out of the room. She felt so useless, wishing there was something more she could do. She just wanted so badly for this to work out for him.

x - x - x - x - x

Rose breathed in the familiar, comforting scent of her mother as she hugged her tightly. She could feel the tears stinging at her eyes already. _Could she really do this? Could she leave everyone she loved behind?_

Yes. Of course she could, she had to. She had learnt the hard way what a life without the Doctor was like, and she had only just managed to survive it. More than anything though she felt guilty- as Jackie pulled back she took in her tear stained face, her makeup wrecked and her eyes red.

"I'm sorry mum," Rose's voice wavered, "You know I have to go to him." Jackie nodded, trying to control the tears. Somehow she had known that this day would come, even before they had been trapped in a parallel universe. She knew that one day she would be saying goodbye to her daughter for the very last time and all because of the Doctor.

But even now Jackie couldn't resent him. She too had gotten to know him, and she had to admit – not to his face of course – that he was a brilliant man. In fact he was about the only man she would trust with her daughter's life, and that was saying something. She was glad for Rose; it tore her apart seeing her in such distress every day, knowing she was always thinking of him. She only wished she could be there to see Rose's face when she was reunited with the Doctor- to see her daughter truly happy for one last time. Perhaps it had all just been too perfect; having Pete, Rose and the baby was the life she had dreamt of but that was ultimately impossible. It simply wasn't meant to be.

"I love you Rose, just be careful. _Please_ be careful. I know you won't, you two never are! The day you stay out of trouble..." Jackie smiled at her sadly. Rose felt a great admiration for her mum as she watched her trying to be brave. Once upon a time she would never have even considered letting her go, but now she knew she understood.

She turned to Pete next, who was stood nearby holding the baby who gurgled happily and grabbed at Roses fingers. It broke her heart that she would never see her grow up, although she did get an uneasy feeling that she would grow up to look identical to herself.

Pete shuffled awkwardly, not knowing quite what to say to Rose. He always seemed to end up acting like her father without realising, and then promptly becoming very aware that he wasn't. It just seemed to come naturally to him as if it was just _right _but he didn't want Rose thinking he was trying to replace her real dad. She looked at him knowingly, understanding what he was thinking and why he was holding back.

Suddenly there was an impatient knocking at the door, and before she knew it Mickey had burst into the room.

"Rose… I came as fast as I could," Mickey managed between gasps- he clearly had run here. He walked up to her and hugged her fondly, his eyes watering as he tried to be brave. They had said goodbye before thinking that they would never see each other again, and Mickey had never truly believed that Rose would stay in the parallel universe with them forever. He had been preparing himself for this day for a long time, but even now it was still so hard to let her go.

Rose stood back from him, taking in the faces of the ones she loved in an attempt to imprint the image firmly in her mind. She took a shuddering breath as tears threatened to spill from her own eyes.

"I don't know what to say!" She laughed nervously, feeling horribly reminded of the time she had last said goodbye to the Doctor. What were you supposed to say in situations like this? This should never happen to anyone, let alone twice. All of a sudden she saw their faces drop, her mother's eyes growing wide and fearful.

"What? What is it?" Rose asked anxiously as she saw fresh tears falling down her mothers face.

"Rose you're…" Mickey pointed at her, "…fading…" She brought her hands up to her face and found that she could indeed see straight through them. She felt a jolt of nerves as a peculiar feeling took over her body, before blackness clouded her vision.

x – x – x – x – x

As it got towards the evening Donna returned once again to visit the Doctor, deciding she would sit with him now until he came out of his trance. He was in exactly the same position as she'd left him, only this time his face was scrunched up with emotion.

He seemed distressed and in pain, and for a moment Donna panicked, wondering if she should try and wake him up. Perhaps he had been lying about his safety after all. But then she heard him mumble under his breath, and tried to pick out some of the words.

"…quite right too… if it's my last chance… Rose Tyler…" she could just about make out. And then she realised that these must be his last memories of Rose, as it was nearing the end of the day. He was reliving the moment he was separated from her, feeling that same grief that had torn him apart all that time ago. She gasped as a tear escaped his tightly shut eyes, feeling her own welling up.

Suddenly a flicker of movement caught the corner of her eye, and as she turned to look she could have sworn she saw a person standing there, just for a second. Donna blinked, staring at the empty room. Had she imagined it? But no, there it was again- a flickering image of a woman with blonde hair.

She felt her heart begin to race as she realised it was Rose, and that meant it was working. It was almost as if she was a hologram, the interference hiding the details of her face. At first the image was ghost-like and Donna could see right through it, but even as she watched it became clearer and more solid. She suddenly leapt to her feet, snapping into action.

"Jack!" she yelled out of the doorway, not taking her eyes off the materialising Rose. "JACK!" In seconds he had exploded into the room- Ianto, Gwen, Tosh and Owen close at his heels. On seeing the reason they had been summoned so urgently they all gathered around curiously, intently watching as Rose came into existence. A broad smile grew on Jack's face as her familiar features became more than just a projection- she was real.

Her eyelids slowly fluttered open, revealing her deep brown pupils. She took a deep breath and swayed, her eyes swimming out of focus. Jack lunged forwards to catch her as she fell, gently resting her into a sitting position on the floor, an arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders.

"Hey there!" Jack beamed at her. Rose's eyes drifted up to meet his and she swallowed, trying to fight back the sickness rising in her stomach.

"Jack?" she whispered back, looking dazed and confused.

"Long time no see!" He grinned, gaining a small smile from her. "How are you feeling?"

"A little dizzy," she closed her eyes again in an attempt to recover. After a few more seconds she seemed to regain her balance and opened them, but this time they were brighter and she looked at Jack properly. "It's good to see you." She smiled.

"Do you think you can get up?" Jack asked gently and she nodded. With his help she slowly struggled to her feet, stumbling a little. Rose looked at the faces before her- all of them were staring at her with fascination but she didn't recognise a single one. Feeling unsettled she stood up straighter, hoping to look more authoritative.

But where was _he_? She looked back to Jack, desperation in her eyes and he immediately understood. In that instant the small gathering all simultaneously remembered the Doctor – they had all been too preoccupied by the arrival of Rose to recall the one person who had brought her here in the first place.

The people that surrounded her parted, everyone turning to look in the direction they had known the Doctor to have been sat in all day. He was still sitting cross legged on the floor, but now his eyes were open. Rose's breath caught in her throat as she laid eyes on him, her heart beating furiously. She took a tentative step towards him, alerting the Doctor to his audience and he finally looked up at them.

A blank expression adorned his face.

**- END PART ONE -**

* * *

**A/N: I hope that wasn't too bad, my heads too full of stuff after those exams, I really do need a bigger head. Although I have a bit of a busy week with my school prom and stuff, and I may also get distracted in an attempt to make an adipose plush :D but hopefully I will be able to update soon! I have already started writing the next chapter. I really need to now sit down and give section two a good planning, though I do now have an idea! :D**

**Thanks for being so patient with this chapter!**


	7. A Sliver of Hope

**A/N: Oh dear god… the Stolen Earth was left on such a ridiculous cliff-hanger I don't even know how I'm still alive! How heartbreaking was that "reunion" scene :( Fingers crossed for Journeys End…**

**Sorry this took a little longer than I was hoping, but it's another quite long chapter. Hope it's not too slow, there's just a lot of emotion in it and that XD Thanks for all the lovely reviews so far! Much appreciated :)**

* * *

**Part Two: Lost**

Chapter 7

A Sliver of Hope

"Doctor…" Rose whispered too stunned to say or do anything else. She had felt her heart leap when she saw him, but now it quickly sank as the Doctor did not return her smile but merely stared at her blankly. A frown began to crease his forehead as his expression turned to one of confusion, and he turned to the red haired woman.

"Donna… any idea why I'm on the floor?" but Donna simply gaped at him, her mouth hanging slightly open. "And… why is everyone staring at me?" He was beginning to feel a little uneasy. When no one showed any signs of responding to him the Doctor slowly got to his feet, starting to feel like he was missing something.

For some reason he found his gaze was drawn to the blonde girl who was stood just beyond Donna and the Torchwood team. What was it about her? Sure he thought she was pretty but he didn't recall having ever seen her before.

He was slightly taken aback by the way this girl was looking at him. Tears shimmered in her eyes and he could see a strange mixture of emotions within them – confusion, happiness and dread all in one. A bit contradictory he thought. Then another thought occurred to him.

"Wait a minute, you called me Doctor. How do you know my name? Have we met?" He asked the girl, puzzled.

She felt her heart break at his words. What the hell was going on? This was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of her life! She should have been wrapped up in his arms by now.

At the same time Donna felt her stomach lurch and she knew instantly that what she had feared most had indeed happened. After all the work he had put into it, all the build up to this moment and now this. And now it was down to her.

"Doctor… it's Rose!" Jack said in bewilderment, horror stricken by the Doctors actions.

"Rose who?" The Doctor said raising his eyebrows, but regretted his words almost instantly as he saw the effect they had on the poor girl. Rose felt paralysed, completely at a loss for words. She suddenly felt terrified, and completely alone- if she didn't have the Doctor then what did she have? She had just left everyone she loved behind for this man. Tears began to escape her eyes, and the Doctor's gaze softened.

Jack felt the anger bubbling up inside him, and on spotting this Donna quickly came to her senses and stepped forward, realising that if she didn't intervene now things could go from bad to worse.

"I… I think I can explain," she gulped, unable to meet anyone's eyes but feeling them all turn on her – all except for Rose, who was still transfixed by the Doctor. Donna suddenly felt very uncomfortable under their accusing stares, and felt the heat rise to her cheeks. Thinking quickly she came to a decision.

"Rose, can I speak to you in private?" This caused Rose to finally tear her eyes away from the Doctor, focusing intensely on Donna.

"Who are you?" Rose suddenly snapped, her fear and pain and loss morphing into anger. Her own voice shocked her as words flooded from her mouth before she had even realised what she was saying, powered by the panic that raged through her body. "What have you done to him? Where's the Doctor? MYdoctor, WHERE IS HE?" she screamed. A silence hung in the air and Rose suddenly came to her senses as she saw Donna's eyes glisten. "I'm sorry… I…" Rose began to look dizzy again and Donna took this opportunity to gently guide her from the room, away from the unforgiving stares.

Once they were away from the room that contained the Doctor – Rose kept looking back over her shoulder longingly – Donna stopped and turned around to face her. For a moment Donna just looked Rose over, taking her in. So at long last this was the legendary Rose, the woman the Doctor was torn apart from that he had missed so dearly.

But it had all gone wrong. What the Doctor had foreseen had happened, and now it was down to her to start putting the pieces back together. She did not blame Rose at all for her outburst, she knew that she was only upset and had every right to be. She took a deep breath.

"Rose…" Donna started, uncertain where to begin but succeeding in drawing Rose's attention from the direction of the Doctor.

"How do you know my name?" Rose interjected quickly, suddenly completely focused on Donna once more.

"But… what do you mean of course I know you're name," Donna said, puzzled by her question.

"But how do you know who I am?"

"From the Doctor, how else?" Rose seemed surprise by her answer, and looked at her in awe.

"He… told you about me?" Rose gaped, a small smile spreading across her lips.

"Yeah of course he did. He never stopped talking about you!" Rose's smile broadened, although it baffled Donna as to why.

He had never mentioned his other companions before! She thought back to when she had met Sarah Jane- she had obviously been hurt on learning that the Doctor had never spoken of her time with him to Rose. Not only that, but that day she had also realised that there must have been many who had previously travelled with him, and even after his reunion with Sarah Jane he still never spoke of them. She felt a spark of pride at being the first to break this trend.

"But that's just it!" Donna began animatedly, pleased that she had broken through to Rose and that she now had something to work on, "Look, my name's Donna. I've travelled with him for a while now, but we're just good mates, I wasn't trying to replace you or anything." Once upon a time the thought of the Doctor with a new companion would have caused such jealously and anguish to stir within Rose, but instead she was glad. She had hoped he would find someone because she couldn't bear the thought of him being alone in the universe.

"That's why he was trying to get you back! He was desperate to see you again, he missed you so much, I could see it in his eyes whenever he said your name. So he was willing to take a risk, and he told me about it in case it happened… and well… it has." Her words felt feeble, and her face fell. "He said there was a chance that he could lose his memories of you doing it, and he was terrified but he just wanted to see you so badly." Donna spoke softly, trying her best to comfort Rose as fresh tears brimmed her eyes.

So it _was_ her Doctor, he had just forgotten her. It hurt her so deeply to think that the man that she held such strong feelings for didn't have a clue who she was – it was as if they had never even met.

"He wanted me to make sure that no matter how he acts now, that you know how much he really cares about you." Donna struggled to find suitable words to do justice for the Doctors situation. Rose sighed and nodded, forcing a smile as she wiped her eyes.

"But what am I supposed to do?" She looked at Donna pleadingly for an answer, feeling utterly helpless.

"He gave me this," Donna retrieved a disc carefully from her pocket and offered it to Rose. She took it gingerly, looking into its reflective surface and seeing her own tearstained face. "He said to give it to you, and that you should use it in the TARDIS. He thought you would know what to do."

Rose nodded, dredging up every last ounce of courage she had left in her weary body. She had an inkling as to what it was, so maybe there was still a sliver of hope. She was glad he had left her something, but she was both desperate and reluctant to find out what. She took one last longing look back towards the room that contained the Doctor before turning back to Donna.

"Can you take me to the TARDIS?"

x x x x x

Rose beamed as she walked slowly into the TARDIS console room, taking in every small detail. It had been _so _long. Just by being back here she felt the hope flowing through her, and as she felt the TARDIS's presence re-enter her mind she suddenly didn't feel as alone, she felt like she was finally home. Although it wasn't really home without _him_.

She walked around the console remembering all the buttons and switches and strange devices the Doctor had taught her. She stoked its cool surface fondly, and the column hummed and shifted in response. She laughed despite herself- she had always used to skit the Doctor for stroking the TARIDS.

Rose became aware that Donna had not followed her inside – she had been so absorbed in the TARDIS she hadn't noticed at first – and assumed that she had left her to it and returned to the Torchwood hub. Although she found that she quite liked Donna she was grateful for the privacy.

She took out the disc that had been given to her, and carefully inserted it into the slot reminiscent of a DVD player that was worked into the TARDIS console. For a moment she wondered if it had worked as she stared at the blank monitor, when suddenly an oh so familiar voice spoke from behind her.

"Rose," She spun around quickly, only to find herself face to face with the Doctor. Startled she jumped back, but then she saw his face crackle with interference and realised it was just a hologram activated by the disc. He was perfectly placed so that he was looking directly at her, and even though he wasn't real she could see a great sadness in his eyes.

"Rose, if you're watching this then it means that what I feared has happened, that I have successfully brought you across the void but lost my memories of you in doing so. I'm so _so _sorry." She could hear the emotion in his voice, and imagined what it must have been like for him having to record this message.

"Doctor…" She whispered, gulping back the tears. "It's not your fault." Even though she knew he couldn't hear or see her, she reached out to him, desperate just to lose herself in his arms. But once again she couldn't- the image simply flickered as her fingers passed straight through it.

"And I know, it's not fair is it? Another hologram." Rose flinched, retracting her hand as it seemed he had almost responded. He knew her too well. The hologram Doctor smiled fondly at her but it did not reach his eyes.

"There is still a chance," He continued and she listened intently, the hope rekindling. "There must be a way of triggering my memories to come back. It's not like they've been erased, the technology I used isn't capable of that. Besides I could never truly forget you could I." He looked at her affectionately and she felt her heart ache for him. "You were too important in my life for those memories to be completely lost. I just need to be faced with something distinctive; a place or an event, maybe even an object I dunno. Just a strong memory that I shared just with you. The only problem is _all_ of my memories with you are so good!" He grinned at her contagiously, but it soon faded.

"That's why I need them back. I don't want to forget you Rose Tyler, not ever. I don't know how hard it will be to get them back, just don't let me leave you behind, no matter what happens. I'm so sorry for putting you through this, especially after…" he trailed off deciding it was better not to continue, but Rose knew he meant after having just said goodbye to her family.

"I… I really have missed you Rose." He looked at her longingly and it broke her heart. And with that he began to fade and she panicked.

"No… Doctor don't go don't leave me!" She yelled but it was futile. Her voice echoed around the vast, empty room, and it had never seemed so big.

x x x x x

Back in the hub the Doctor was starting to feel a bit backed into a corner.

"Doctor what do you think you're doing?" Jack yelled at him accusingly.

"I'm not doing anything!" The Doctor said defensively, his voice getting higher in pitch as he become more flustered.

"Then why the hell are you acting like you don't know Rose?"

"Because I don't!" He shouted, his eyes wide as they flitted between the Torchwood team, defying anyone else to challenge him. They all turned to look as Donna hesitantly entered the room.

"Donna," The Doctor approached her, relieved to see his companion and hoping to finally talk to someone who made sense. "What the hell is going on?" he asked her under his breath. Donna signalled for him to back off a little, needing some space and he complied reluctantly.

"Listen everyone," Donna began, tired at having to explain this all over again, "Just before the Doctor did this he told me there was a risk."

"So why didn't he tell us about it?" Jack interrupted, the discovery that his suspicions had been correct not helping his already uncontained anger.

"Just listen to me alright?" Donna matched his fierceness and he shrank back. She turned to the Doctor, "Doctor for the last two days you've been here, working on that box thing." She gestured at the abandoned item lying on the floor. The Doctor walked over to it with new interest having previously dismissed it. "Do you remember any of that?" Donna asked, watching as he put on his glasses and picked up the box to examine it.

"Vaguely… now that you mention it. But what was I doing to it? In fact what does it even do?"

"You used it to bring Rose into this world from a parallel universe." Donna said gently and he looked up at her sharply.

"But that's impossible." He said firmly.

"Not for you," Donna smirked but he wasn't impressed.

"Who is she?" The Doctor demanded, getting straight to the point. Donna could tell that it was troubling him.

"You knew her Doctor, honestly you did. You never stopped talking about her!" Donna paused to see how he would react but he simply listened to her quietly. "She travelled with you before I did, and before Martha. She got trapped in that parallel universe but you worked it out. You found that thing and used your memories of her to bring her back, but it went wrong or something and you lost them, sort of as a side effect." She wondered whether he would believe her, expecting him to suddenly yell and deny everything. But instead he seemed distressed, like there was a battle waging behind his eyes.

He couldn't explain why but what Donna said made sense to him. Even though his head was telling him it was absurd- parallel universes? It was impossible now that the Timelords were gone. But even so he accepted this explanation, because his hearts were telling him to believe her. Her words had stirred such emotions deep inside him and for a moment he felt a wave of unexplainable sorrow wash over him.

"Doctor…she meant the world to you. Do you really not remember?" Jack asked softly, calmer now that Donna had enlightened them.

"No…" The Doctor shook his head. It was true, he didn't remember her. Not even the faintest trace. He wanted to remember her, he didn't quite understand why but he did.

He suddenly became aware of a small face peering around the door and turned to see the person in question nervously shuffling in. On seeing Rose's face he felt his hearts flutter, but again he couldn't understand why. She looked up at him and their eyes met. He noticed that hers were quite pink – she had clearly been crying, and suddenly he felt guilty for the way he had treated her previously. Neither the Doctor nor Rose barely noticed – their eyes locked – as Donna ushered Jack and the others from the room, leaving them alone to talk.

Rose fought to hold back her raging emotions, using all of her willpower not to just throw herself into his arms. He seemed sad she thought, and wondered what the others had been telling him about her.

"Doctor…" She began, a small part of her still praying for some recognition and that somehow it would just all be okay. She subconsciously held her breath as he opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to falter and nothing came out. And with that her hope diminished. She plucked up all her courage and approached him, hoping she didn't look how she felt, because on the inside she was falling apart with every step she took closer to him.

"Do you know who I am?" Her voice wavered slightly.

"Only what they told me," He replied in a small voice, barely audible.

"Which was what?"

"That you used to travel with me." He decided to leave out what Jack had said about how much this girl had meant to him. Rose sighed, having hoped they might have said more.

"But they told you about what happened?" He nodded solemnly. "And… do you believe them?" Rose asked nervously after a moments thought. After all she knew how stubborn he could be.

"I think I do. It just sort of… makes sense but I can't explain why." Well, that was something. At least she didn't have to convince him she wasn't a fraud.

Rose sat down on the nearby sofa, and after a moments hesitation the Doctor joined her. She felt her heart rate increase as he brushed against her as he sat down, and she could feel the warmth coming from his body beside her. That was when it really hit her.

He was _real. _After all this time, after so many holograms and dreams this really was her Doctor, sat here right next to her, whether he remembered her or not. She looked at him, her eyes shining with tears and she saw him swallow timidly as he turned and met her stare. He was so close and yet still so far.

Momentarily she considered hugging him anyway, but she had to refrain. She didn't want to scare him off when he seemed to have accepted her – she needed to take it slow, she could tell it was hard for him too. She could see the fear and loneliness in his eyes, greater than she had ever known before.

"I'm sorry," she turned away, unable to bear the sorrow in his eyes any longer. "I didn't mean to stare it's just… it's been such a long time since I've seen you." She said willing him to understand. When he didn't say anything she continued shakily, "You left me a message; you said that you thought there would be some way of getting your memories of me to come back. Maybe if you saw something that was strong enough to trigger it."

She wondered how he would react, his words echoing around her head, _"…don't let me leave you behind…" _Would he even want to try and get her back? She feared him not caring – if he tried to just leave now how could she stop him? "What d'you think?" She prompted him when he seemed deep in thought.

"I don't know…" He felt scared if he was honest with himself. This heartbroken girl clearly had very strong feelings for him, but had he really reciprocated them? He had thought he wouldn't ever let himself get that close to people like that again. It wasn't in his nature to go back for his companions, once it was time he would just move on and leave them behind. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to move on from this Rose, he would even save himself the pain of missing her.

But as soon as he saw the terror on her face at his words he knew he couldn't do that to her. There was just something about her that he couldn't ignore, like she just felt _right_…

As soon as she had seen the doubt on his face her stomach had plummeted with dread, and for a split second she had thought that it was all over.

"Yes, I'll try." He said simply and smiled as he watched the unmasked relief wash over her face.

"Thank you Doctor." She let go of the breath she hadn't known she had been holding in.

"No problem." He grinned, starting to seem like his old self. "I obviously went through a lot of trouble to try and get you back after all."

Little did they know that just outside the door six people where straining to catch snippets of conversation.

"What is going on in there?" Jack whispered impatiently.

"Honestly, you lot. Can't you just give them some privacy?" Donna lectured them.

"Well from where I'm standing you don't seem all that innocent either." Jack smirked at her, but before she could retort their attention was drawn to the door handle as it turned. They all abruptly jumped to attention, pretending to be busy with some other task. However their blatant attempts went unnoticed as the Doctor and Rose stepped out.

"I'm going to try and help the Doctor get his memories back!" Rose announced, beaming at them all.

* * *

**A/N: Hope that wasn't too crumby, thanks for reading :) Next time I update will probably be after the finale… so see you on the other side…**


	8. A Storm Approaches

**A/N: Sorry this took a while longer than I expected, but it also ended up being a lot longer than I thought. Would you believe this was meant to be a short chapter?**

**I was left feeling rather down after seeing Journeys End :( not only do I have withdrawal symptoms to cope with but also that upsetting ending. I was rather disappointed with it, the Doctor/Rose ending just didn't feel right. I cried lots :( I'd be interested to know what you all thought of it? So yeah, hope this isn't too bad. If it is blame the doctor who depression :)**

* * *

Chapter 8

A Storm Approaches

Rose sat listlessly on the Torchwood sofa, wracking her brains for a way to trigger the Doctor's memories to come back, but she just couldn't concentrate. Her focus kept slipping as her eyes wandered back to the Doctor, who seemed to be investigating various artefacts within the hub with curiosity. She couldn't stop a grin forming on her face as she watched his changing expressions with each new item he picked up.

Rose couldn't believe how much she had missed him. She still hadn't quite grasped that she was even back in her original universe, it just felt like she had never been away. She watched as the Doctor lost interest in what he was looking at and seemed to drift aimlessly about.

"Just look at him…" Donna's voice broke through Rose's thoughts, and she blushed realising she had been caught staring at the Doctor, quickly turning away. However this went unnoticed by Donna who was also watching him intently, and Rose relaxed as she joined her on the sofa.

"What d'you mean?" Rose muttered, letting her gaze slip back towards him. He was now just standing there completely oblivious to his audience, his hands shoved into his pockets as he stared off into space.

"He looks so distant…" Donna whispered. It hadn't been unusual for Rose to come across the Doctor lost in deep thought, but now she recalled the emptiness she had seen beyond his eyes when they had spoken earlier.

"Well it must be hard for him too. Surely that would do the same to anyone who lost a load of their memories like that," Rose said not really paying full attention.

"I guess so…" Donna's focus also elsewhere. She just had a bad feeling about all of this, a looming sense of foreboding like storm clouds gathering, like this was just the beginning…

She shook it off hastily, deciding she would go and talk to the Doctor about it rather than sit here speculating. She would get him to open up to her about what was on his mind; she seemed to have a knack for getting him to talk. She left Rose to her own thoughts and approached the Doctor.

"Hey," She spoke gently, cautious not to startle him from his trance.

"Hey…" He responded quietly, without even looking at her.

"You look miles away! What are you thinking about?" Donna asked smiling light heartedly.

"I dunno know… it's just… I feel sorta…" He rambled, as if he wasn't quite certain himself. "It's nothing." He said firmly, coming back down to Earth.

"Doesn't look like nothing. Are you sure you're okay?" Donna persisted; she wasn't going to let him get away with that.

"I'm fine." He said quickly, now turning to look directly at her.

"Oh come on Doctor, you know you can tell me anything right?" She smiled at him warmly and gave him a friendly nudge. She expected this to work, but the reaction she got instead wasn't what she had hoped for.

"Like I said, I'm fine." He said coldly, giving her a firm look before turning and walking away briskly. She was left standing there in shock, feeling rather dejected. Having witnessed this scene from her place on the sofa, Rose saw Donna's expression and decided to go and check if she was alright, also eager to find out what had been said.

"Donna… what happened?" Rose asked worriedly, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"He just walked off on me," she replied indignantly, still stunned. "He wouldn't say anything, just went off!"

"Well he does have his rude moments," Rose grinned, many examples springing to mind.

"No but… you didn't see the look in his eyes, he was being serious. He just shut me out. I know he normally tries to change the subject or make a joke out of it or something, but he normally gives way eventually. The way he looked at me… " Rose listened, growing more concerned. "He's acting so different. Can you not see it?" Donna asked anxiously.

Rose had just dismissed his behaviour as a result of him finding out about his lost memories and that he was simply stressed, especially after meeting her seemingly for the first time. But now she realised Donna was right, it went deeper than that. She watched the Doctor now as he moved about the hub – he seemed so lost, like he didn't know what to do with himself. It _was_ unusual, the Doctor wasn't like that. Normally with so much alien technology lying about he'd be able to keep himself entertained for hours.

Abruptly all were brought rudely to their senses by the alarm sounding once more throughout the hub. The Doctor looked up in annoyance.

"What's that for?" Rose asked urgently, and at that moment Jack appeared.

"Sorry guys! Duty calls," he announced, giving them all his winning smile.

"Jack we've got two weevils," Ianto informed them from a nearby monitor adorned with the location details.

"Right then, we'd best get to work!" Jack responded enthusiastically. He turned to Donna and Rose. "Don't suppose you ladies fancy a road trip?" He grinned at them and Donna raised her eyebrows in dispute, notifying him that his charms weren't fooling her. "I just figured you'd be well trained in the art of dealing with aliens, you have been taught by the best after all." He aimed his smile at the Doctor who simply stared at him blankly.

"What exactly do you want us to _do_? What's a weevil?" Donna asked bluntly, uncertain of what she was getting herself in to.

"Rogue aliens that once every so often surface from the sewers for a stroll about Cardiff." He explained as Donna pulled a face.

"The sewers? You have got to be kidding me," She said disgusted.

"Trust me, that's not the part you should be worrying about." Jack turned to the Doctor, "I was thinking that maybe you could shed a little light on just what they are Doctor. We just sorta made up 'weevil', though I do think it's pretty catchy myself."

"Yeah sure," the Doctor mumbled. Jack felt a little disheartened at the Doctor's response. He had been sure he had just made the Doctor an offer he couldn't resist – aliens, danger and the chance to show off his expertise. His lack of enthusiasm also did not go unnoticed by Donna and Rose, who exchanged uneasy glances.

"Right, well I could do with a bit of fresh air. I'm up for it!" Rose said decisively, eager for a distraction and a bit of a thrill. Perhaps chasing aliens with the Doctor would spark off his memory, after all it wasn't so far off their old life.

Before they knew it they were all piling into the Torchwood SUV, except for Toshiko and Ianto who stayed at the hub to monitor any incoming details. Gwen sat in the front with Jack whilst Donna, Rose, the Doctor and Owen crammed into the back.

"I'm not entirely convinced this is safe," Owen protested as Donna squashed in beside him.

"Oh stop your moaning, the Doctor's just skin and bones he hardly takes up one seat!" Donna retorted.

Jack smirked as he saw Rose practically sat on top of the Doctor through the rear view mirror. The Doctor hardly seemed to notice, but simply stared out of the window distantly. On the other hand Rose's face showed conflicting emotions; she was clearly embarrassed at being so close to him, especially due to her being – from his point of view at least – practically a stranger. And yet she still longed for that closeness- the closeness they had once shared so openly.

When they finally reached their destination they all clambered out, attempting to remain quiet.

"Ah… just the usual then." Jack grimaced as he took in his surroundings. They had pulled up just outside a huge deserted warehouse by the bay. The daylight was fading fast, and beyond the vast doors of the warehouse that stood slightly ajar they could only see blackness. Jack sighed, "Just for once couldn't a weevil fancy a drink in town?"

"Like we'd be so lucky," Owen said dryly, handing out torches to everyone.

"Gwen, Owen and Donna you go round and take the back entrance. Doctor, Rose, you're with me we'll take the front. Get all the exits covered; if we can contain them in there we'll all get to go home a lot earlier. Move out!" Jack instructed them, and the two teams divided.

As they moved silently around the building and through the heavy doors Rose jogged up to Jack's side and whispered into his ear.

"So what exactly do these things look like?"

"They're your basic humanoid shape, brown-ish skin and a lotta teeth." Jack described under his breath. "Be careful," He looked at her seriously now, "they won't stop to have a chat first, we have no way of communicating with them. They'll just go for you, and when they attack they mean to kill." He looked at her darkly. As if on cue the torchlight briefly flickered across an ominous form.

"Wait what was that?" Rose said instantly, grabbing Jack's arm. As he aimed the beam of light in the direction she was looking, the shape was illuminated.

"Oh my god…" Rose gasped, reeling back. She had seen plenty of horrors on her travels with the Doctor, but even now the body that was sprawled across the floor caused her stomach to turn. They could just make out that it was a human form, with a terrible wound at the neck and limbs bent at sickening angles. But it was the blood that really sent a shiver down her spine – it was everywhere.

She went to reach for the Doctor's hand for comfort but stopped short, remembering their current situation, and again she felt that awful loneliness. The silence hung in the air, everyone too stunned to move.

"So… it was a weevil… that did this?" Rose stuttered, needing to fill the silence and distract herself from the bloody remains.

"Yep." Jack replied, looking regretfully over the body. "Come on, stick close together." He nudged them on.

Rose's heart was in her mouth as they navigated their way slowly through the crates and piles of storage in the dark. Once upon a time this sort of situation would not have bothered her, knowing that the Doctor would always be right there at her side. But now he was like a stranger, and even though he was close enough behind her that she could hear his calm breathing she still felt so distant from him. She thought over what Donna had said about his change in behaviour and suddenly felt very vulnerable.

As she moved along behind Jack something to her left caught her eye, something shifting in the darkness…

"Jack…" Rose whispered, stopping and staring into the shadows, her heart racing.

"Come on rose, we'll be okay just keep moving." Jack said without turning back, and Rose was alarmed to hear his voice was further away than she had realised. She turned back to see the Doctor and Jack had gone on ahead without stopping to wait for her, and in that same instant something collided into her body with full force.

The Doctor spun around rapidly as he heard Rose's scream – which he couldn't help but notice sounded desperately familiar – only to meet the heart wrenching image of a weevil wrestling her to the ground, its savage teeth bared.

"ROSE!" he yelled as he pelted back towards her, Jack hot on his heels.

Rose could hardly see what it was that had her pinned to the floor but she could feel its hot, rank breath on her face and struggled under its weight. She felt dizzy as she strained to catch her breath after having being winded by the impact, but the creatures body pressed down on her heavily. Suddenly it growled and reared back its head preparing to go in for the kill, and its face was revealed to her as it passed under the torchlight.

Its fangs still glistened with its previous victim's blood, its small black eyes shining with animalistic fury. She shut her eyes tightly, preparing for the pain to reach her, but it never came. Instead a familiar buzzing sound reached her ears and she gasped for breath as she felt the weight lifted off her.

She panted heavily, hungrily breathing in the cool air. When she finally dared to open her eyes a crack she found the Doctor staring at her fretfully, sonic screwdriver in hand.

"Rose are you okay?" he asked her frantically, and she simply nodded lost for words. And then suddenly he was hugging her, and for a brief moment she wondered if she was hallucinating due to oxygen starvation. But no, this was real. She wrapped her arms round him desperately, breathing in his familiar scent. Who cared if she had just been seconds away from having her throat ripped out, if it took a near death experience with a weevil to get the Doctor to hug her then it was worth it.

But before she knew it the moment was over. The Doctor abruptly came to his senses, realising what he was doing. He had been filled with such anguish at the sight of Rose's peril that it had taken hold of him, and hugging her had seemed an automatic response. He stood up quickly feeling confused and self-conscious, backing away from her.

"Thanks." Rose gave him a shaky smile.

"Course. No problem." He nodded, not meeting her eye.

"It's still alive," Jack said, examining the unconscious weevil, "What did you do to it?"

"That, is a Scerapathavasian." The Doctor began, grateful for the change of topic. "Beasts from the planet Skarth in the Penctar System. I just knocked it out, setting 23126 B." He flourished the sonic screwdriver proudly.

"Wow, that's quite a mouthful. I think I prefer weevil." Jack smiled cheekily. All of a sudden a loud clatter came from somewhere further down the building followed shortly by a scream, hastily wiping the smiles off all of their faces.

"What was that?" The Doctor asked anxiously, realising with dread that the sounds were coming from the direction that Donna and the others had taken.

"Oh my god…you said there were two…" Rose said, realisation also dawning on her. They all peered into the darkness but they could make nothing out from this distance.

"Gwen, Owen are you alright?" Jack shouted hastily into his headset.

"Jack we found one!" Gwen's panicked voice came through in response almost immediately. She sounded out of breath, and more crashes could be heard in the background.

"What about Donna? Where's Donna is she okay?" The Doctor demanded, frantic for his companion's safety.

"Jack we need backup, now!" Gwen shouted desperately, ignoring the Doctor. Before they knew it they were running full speed towards the noises, the Doctor easily taking the lead and speeding ahead. The warehouse seemed to go on forever as they sprinted blindly through the dark, expecting at any moment to crash into a weevil.

At long last torchlights could be seen just beyond some stacked crates and the Doctor bounded forwards. His stomach dropped as the scene came in to view. Donna lay on the floor, slumped against one of the crates. Her leg was gushing blood from a large wound which could be seen through her shredded trousers, and her skin was pale. Owen was bent over her, doing his best to stop the bleeding, and Gwen had been backed into a corner by the snarling weevil, her gun lying uselessly beyond her reach.

The Doctor felt unbridled anger flow through him as he saw Donna's pain stricken face. He stormed towards the weevil holding his sonic screwdriver outstretched before him but the creature was too quick. It turned swiftly and swiped at the Doctor, knocking the sonic clean out of his hand.

"Gwen!" Jack cried in horror as he exploded into the scene, Rose close behind him.

"Jack quick, just shoot it!" The Doctor yelled, bristling with anger. Without a second thought Jack pulled out his pistol and aimed it expertly at the weevil. With a loud crack the helpless beast fell to the floor, dead. Gwen breathed in relief and ran over to Jack, throwing herself into his arms.

"You okay?" he grinned.

"I am now." She smiled up at him. But Rose was left in a state of shock. She stood gaping at the Doctor, with a look of pure disbelief on her face.

"Doctor…" he looked up at her sharply and the anger in his eyes caused her to flinch. He was burning with rage, a look she hadn't seen in the Doctor in a long time. "I can't believe you just told him to do that… you never agree with killing, you hate guns!" He frowned at her.

"Look what it did to her!" He gestured at Donna, spitting with fury. He turned away from Rose and rushed to Donna's side.

"Donna?" He said gently, but received no response. "How is she?" he asked Owen, who was still inspecting her injury.

"She's lost a lot of blood but I've stopped the bleeding now. I think she'll be fine but we need to get her back pronto." Owen responded, giving the Doctor an urgent look.

"But what about the other one?" Gwen asked.

"The Doctor sedated it. I'll go and fetch it, you lot help get her back to the SUV." Jack instructed them, before dashing back the way he came.

x x x x x

Once they were all safely back at the hub Owen had been able to patch up Donna's leg effortlessly. Rose watched silently from the stairs of the medical area, still turning over the events at the warehouse over in her mind.

"…_just shoot it!" _The Doctors words still rang inside her head. The anger in his eyes had terrified her. It was an anger she had only seen from her old Doctor before he had regenerated, all that time ago when she hadn't known him very well. She remembered the time he had pointed that huge gun at her, demanding her to step aside so he could destroy the defenceless dalek.

"Rose… are you alright?" Donna spoke in a soft voice that penetrated Rose's flashback.

"What? Yeah I'm fine," Rose said quickly coming to. "How about you? You're the one who just had your leg ripped open!"

"Oh don't worry about me." Donna smiled bravely, although wincing as Owen tightened her bandage. He gave her a brief apologetic look. "What was on your mind?" she had not missed Rose's troubled expression, and noticed her attempt to shift the focus onto Donna instead. A move she must have picked up from the Doctor she suspected, but it wasn't going to work on her. Rose sighed in defeat.

"You're right. About what you said before, about him acting different." Rose confessed, "He's acting so distant and angry. When we found you injured it was like something sparked off inside him. He…" she paused, still not believing it had happened. "…he told Jack to shoot the weevil."

Donna felt her heart plummet at this. Her Doctor wouldn't do that, it was just so _wrong. _She was reminded of when Jenny had been murdered; she had been so certain he was going to shoot that man. It had been terrifying enough to see him even touch a gun, but even then he hadn't gone through with it. _"I never would" _he had said.

"I can't believe he would do that," She said incredulously. "And did Jack…" Rose nodded grimly.

"I know that's just how Torchwood does things, but not the Doctor. He hates guns," Rose said giving voice to Donna's thoughts. "It sorta reminds me of what he was like when I first met him." Donna looked up at this.

"But don't you see? Don't you realise what's happening to him?" Donna said suddenly, causing Rose to look up at her in confusion.

"What d'you mean? You know?"

"It's you!"

"I thought we said it was more than just that," Rose said looking crestfallen.

"No no no. I don't mean _that. _I mean it's because he's forgotten you. All the wonderful things you did for him. You changed him, made him a different person but now all of that's gone cause it's like he never even met you." Donna tried to explain.

"But… surely I didn't make that much difference?"

"But you did. This must show you just how much impact you had on his life. You said it yourself- you said he was acting like he did when you first met him." Rose realised she was right, although she still found it hard to believe that she had really changed him that much.

Rose turned as she heard footsteps approaching, to find Jack and the Doctor approaching them. The Doctor had been helping Jack to deal with the weevils they had recovered – both dead and alive. He had a grave expression on his face, and Rose wondered if he regretted the creature's death. On seeing that Donna was now awake the Doctor brightened a little.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her gently.

"Much better now, thanks to him." She pointed at Owen who gave her a half smile.

"Um yeah, I wouldn't try and put any weight on that leg for a while though. You could do with a couple of weeks rest, at the least." Owen responded coolly and Donna's face fell. She had predicted she would be off her feet for a while but she hadn't realised it would take so long. She longed to continue travelling with the Doctor – whose face had also fell at hearing the news – but nonetheless she wasn't going to waste an opportunity like this to help out Rose.

"Ah well. Don't worry about me eh!" Donna said trying to sound enthusiastic. "Maybe you should take me back home for a while Doctor. I'm sure I can think of some explanation for the large bite in my leg!" She grinned but he did not smile in response. "I'd only be a burden to you; I can't be slowing you down." The Doctor nodded sombrely.

"Besides," Donna continued brightly, "this gives you a chance to spend some time with Rose, you don't want me getting in the way. Why don't you take her travelling with you?" Rose looked up hopefully, but the Doctor didn't seem so convinced.

"Ah…" The Doctor began, wanting to say no, that he'd rather be on his own. It was true- he did, didn't he? So what was it that was stopping him from simply saying no?

"Oh go on Doctor, you did say you would let her help you try and get your memories back." Donna pushed him, seeing his obvious reluctance. He swallowed hard. She was right, he had agreed to try. Rose was now looking at him pleadingly, and his resolve crumbled. After all, it wasn't that he _didn't _like her…

"Alright then." The words were out of his mouth before he was even aware he'd made a conscious decision. He couldn't help but grin as Rose's eyes lit up with joy and a broad smile graced her features. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have her with him after all.

* * *

**A/N: well isn't that wizard…**


	9. A Fresh Start

**A/N: I know I always seem to say this but I really am sorry for the delay. I always seem to have more excuses so I shan't bore you with them. My summer just seems to be none stop! Here's to Roisin for giving me a shove to write this, I needed it. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 9

A Fresh Start

"Right then," the Doctor threw down a lever dramatically, sending the TARDIS spinning into the time vortex with a lurch. He eyed up Rose uneasily from across the console. He had found it quite disconcerting how she had expertly kept her balance when the TARDIS shook violently; the way the fact that the inside was bigger than the out didn't faze her in the slightest; and the fond look she gave the interior as if she knew what every button and switch did.

There was definitely no arguing it now, it was clear she had been here before. But it wasn't just the fact that she knew the TARDIS so well that disturbed him – it was the fact that she knew him, and yet he didn't know her at all. He didn't even know _how_ much she knew about him, which made him feel quite defenceless.

Rose on the other hand felt more positive than she had since she had arrived back in her original universe. It was hard not to- being back in the TARDIS with the Doctor just felt so good, so _right_. Being back now she couldn't imagine how she had ever survived without it. Those endless days of doing nothing but waiting for the Doctor to come back into her life seemed so far away now. She was eager to begin travelling again, and was confident that it wouldn't be too hard to revive the Doctor's memories. She looked up now to find him watching her from across the console with a peculiar look upon his face, but he quickly looked away when their eyes met.

"So, where to?" The Doctor said a little uncertainly. Rose fought back the hurt that she felt at his blatant reluctance to have her with him. At least he was giving her a chance.

"Well… I was trying to think of places we've been before, distinctive places. Problem is, everywhere you took me was so incredible!" She smiled at him brightly and the Doctor couldn't help but notice how it lit up her face so beautifully. He caught himself thinking how much he wished he could remember his time with her.

"So I thought, could we go to New Earth?" The Doctor raised his eyebrows.

"We went to New Earth?" He wasn't really sure why it surprised him, perhaps it was just that this 21st Century girl even knew of the place was still baffling to him.

"Yeah, you took me to New New York."

"Ah, so good they named it twice!" The Doctor said cheerfully.

"That's the one," Rose smiled excitedly. He wasn't quite sure why this small, insignificant remark had deserved such a good reaction, but he went ahead and set the coordinates anyway.

Rose felt her heart race with exhilaration as the TARDIS fired up once more, jolting into action. She watched in delight as the Doctor flew wildly around the console, stretching to reach several different controls all at once. After a few minutes of his perilous piloting skills the ship abruptly came to a stop with a violent shudder, and he lost his balance entirely, falling roughly to the floor.

Rose couldn't help herself- she fell into fits of laughter at the sight of the dishevelled Doctor lying in a heap on the metal grating, his face dazed. He looked up at Rose feeling quite disgruntled to have lost his balance, and bewildered as to why she was laughing at him quite so giddily. He promptly got to his feet and straightened his jacket in an attempt to regain his composure, although his hair still stuck up at mad angles.

Rose quickly stifled her giggles, her attention instead drawn to the doors of the TARDIS. As she approached them she felt that long missed buzz that came just before stepping out of those doors, and into a whole new world.

She gasped as she peered out, opening the doors a crack to allow the bright light to flood into the dim console room. She gingerly stepped out, and a cool gust of wind whipped through her hair. On the breeze she could smell that familiar fruity scent she had discovered oh so long ago.

"_Applegrass,_" She said to herself, grinning at the memory.

They seemed to have landed in more or less the same spot – a grassy bank overlooking the glorious city. It seemed only slightly different to the last time she had stood here. She thought she could make out more buildings than there had been before, coming to the conclusion that they were further into the future and that the city had progressed.

Rose became aware that the Doctor had stepped out behind her, and turned to see him also taking in his surroundings. However he did not look at the landscape with the same delight that she did- instead a frown creased his forehead.

"That's odd," he muttered.

"What is?"

"Must have got the coordinates a bit off… why did I land here? The only place you can get to from this side is the hospital and why would I want to go to the hospital? I hate hospitals…" he rambled, pulling a face.

"Bit rich, coming from you," Rose said deliberately reciting the conversation they had had the last time they had visited the hospital, testing his memory.

"I can't help it, I don't like hospitals they give me the creeps." Rose's smile broadened at his response. "Why are you looking at me like that? You were doing that before," He questioned her, irked that she clearly knew something he did not.

"Oh… it's just that that's what you said last time." She explained, and his gaze softened.

"Really?" She nodded.

"And this is where we landed last time too. We were going to visit the Face of Boe at that hospital, you got a message on your psychic paper. Do you remember that?" Rose said, looking at him hopefully as he pondered it.

"Sort of, it's a bit… foggy. I remember going to see the Face of Boe vaguely… but not you being there," He said softly. He didn't want to hurt her feelings but he couldn't lie to her either. He watched as she sighed and put on a brave face.

"So what should we do now?" She moved swiftly off the topic.

"Well, we could try and hitch a ride into the city. Have a mooch around." The Doctor shrugged. "What do you think?"

"I think... that's a great idea!"

x x x x x

"Oof!" The Doctor sat down heavily in the flimsy plastic chair, Rose shortly following suit and collapsing exhausted into the chair beside him. It had been hours ago now that they had haphazardly hitchhiked a ride across to the city.

They had been kindly offered a lift by a family of cats, whom they had squashed in with in the back. To say the least the Doctor had not been the most gracious passenger, in fact he had wrinkled his nose as soon as he had seen their species. After a sharp nudge from Rose though he had accepted gratefully, although muttering under his breath- something about him really not being a cat person. Rose had also scolded him for being prejudice, although she had to admit that even she couldn't help dwelling on the fact that last time she had been on this planet their species had been growing humans for testing.

After they had successfully been dropped off in the heart of the city – and the Doctor had finished moaning about the cat hair stuck to his jacket – they had explored much of the town, visiting landmarks and various tourist attractions. They had even been kicked out of a museum of Earth history (which the Doctor had only entered for 'kicks') for being '_disrespectful'_ to the exhibits. By this of course they meant the Doctor and Rose handling '_precious and priceless_' artefacts such as tennis balls and video tapes, and making a mockery of the multiple errors in the labels and information.

So now they were thoroughly tired out, and had decided to take a break in a nearby café that overlooked the sea. The Doctor had to admit he had had a good time with Rose, despite his original unwillingness. In fact he found himself growing fonder of her every minute.

Rose had been having such a good time reacquainting herself with the Doctor that she had completely forgotten about trying to trigger his memories. She was amazed by how easy she found it to slip back into this carefree lifestyle – even after all she had been through – simply because when she was with the Doctor nothing else seemed to matter.

They both sat in companionable silence looking out across the dazzling view, thinking their own thoughts. Rose's mind had now recalled the reason they had decided to come here in the first place, and – seeing as New Earth clearly hadn't done the trick – was now considering other places that could possibly jog the Doctor's memory. As if reading her thoughts the Doctor suddenly spoke up.

"So where else would you like to go?" He asked her cheerfully. Rose appreciated his increased enthusiasm – a noticeable improvement since earlier.

"Well… I was trying to think of something a bit more distinctive, maybe like an event we went to rather than a place. Like you took me to Queen Elizabeth's coronation." The Doctor pulled a face.

"It's a bit dodgy, going to the same event twice. Places are fine but events you're more likely to bump into yourself because it's a fixed time. I mean could you imagine there being two of me?!" He said animatedly and she laughed.

"I dunno I think you'd get on quite well with yourself," She grinned cheekily.

"Oi!" He said in mock annoyance. "Anyway, that would create a paradox like last time and we really wouldn't want that happening again." Rose gawped at him but he just stared at her uncomprehendingly, clearly not having realised what he had just said.

"You… you remember last time?" She stuttered, memories of meeting her father and the disaster that had ensued flashing across her mind.

"What d'you mean? Last time what?"

"You just said last time,"

"No I didn't." He argued stubbornly.

"You so did! You said it would create a paradox like last time, as in when you took me to see my dad before he died and…" She trailed off, realising that that had not been her proudest moment, having nearly destroyed the human race in her naivety. She didn't really want to tell him about that when he was just starting to get to know her.

The Doctor stared at her blankly and she sighed deeply. Everytime she felt like she was getting somewhere or thought that she had broken through to him it just turned out to be yet another dead end. She thought for a moment.

"Okay… so what about times when Jack travelled with us. Do you remember that?" Rose asked, deciding to test how extensive the memory loss had been.

"I do yeah… sort of." He responded eventually, although he didn't seem certain. "It's a bit… fuzzy…"

"So what about the time we were in Cardiff – you, me and Jack – and there was this Slitheen Margaret."

"I remember that, but not you being there." He said apologetically.

"But Mickey was there as well. Do you remember him?"

"Oh… yes, Mickey the idiot! But… who exactly was he again? How did I know him?" He looked perplexed.

"Oh, he was my…" Rose drifted off, blushing.

"What?" The Doctor prompted her, impervious to her discomfort.

"Um, my friend. He travelled with us too, just for a little while." She covered up quickly. Once again she didn't really want the Doctor to know that Mickey had been her boyfriend when he didn't know her that well, after all it wasn't like they had been a couple ever since the very first time she had left to go running into the TARDIS.

"It's odd… I do remember him but whenever he was there the memories are just sort of… blurry. Like with Jack. Incomplete like there are bits missing." He looked over at her and saw the tears shining in her eyes. The Doctor sighed and ran his hand through his hair. It was as if someone had gone through the Doctor's memories with a Rose shaped stencil and cut her neatly from his life.

"But what about all those times that _I _saved the day?" Rose's voice wavered with building despair as her tears threatened to fall. The Doctor looked mildly perturbed by this remark. "The very first time I met you I saved your life! Shop window dummies, do you remember how you got away from them? They were gonna kill you!" The Doctor's face now bore an expression of deep concentration, verging on being alarmed.

"No… I just sort of…" For a split second Rose could have sworn she saw fear in the Doctor's eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it came and then he suddenly sprang to his feet, startling her.

"Well we're not going to find any answers by sitting here nattering all day. Come on, let's go!" He said chirpily, his face a mask of positivity as he strode briskly out of the café as if nothing had happened. Rose hurried to catch up - physically and mentally with his changing moods. This was clearly going to be harder than she had hoped.

x x x x x

After New Earth they returned to many places of Rose's suggestion, hoping it would succeed in making the Doctor remember her. They revisited the market on the asteroid Bizarre, the home planet of the Slitheen Raxacoricofallapatorius, and even back to Rose's old home the Powell Estate- which had only resulted in leaving her feeling nostalgic and homesick. However none of these places seemed to help, and the Doctor's memories were still no better off.

But now they found themselves climbing across the frozen beaches of Women Wept. They laughed giddily as they slipped across the smooth surfaces of the icy waves – the only sound to be heard as it echoed about the towering sculptures forged by the once raging storm. As they reached a short plane - where there had evidently been a lull in the waves – they levelled up to walk side by side each other under the stars, their giggles subsiding into calm, contented smiles.

As Rose gazed up in wonder at the moons that hung in the sky she suddenly felt the Doctor's warm hand creep into hers, his fingers closing gently around her own. Her heart fluttered as their hands fit perfectly together like two pieces of a puzzle, and wondered whether or not he was aware he had done it. She chanced a sideways glance at him and saw that he mostly likely wasn't. He was staring up at the deepening blue sky as tones of purple began to creep in, his eyes distant but a small smile still lingering on his lips.

She gave his hand a small squeeze in response which succeeded in drawing his attention. He was startled to suddenly find himself hand in hand with Rose. When had that happened? He panicked, feeling suddenly self-conscious and looking for an escape route.

"Ah…"The Doctor quickly dropped her hand, and instead used it to point towards a particularly high wave ahead, improvising as he went. "I think… we should climb up there." He started doubtfully, but growing in confidence. "We'd get a much better view, can't see a thing from down here!" He grinned at her, hoping that he didn't look as much like a rabbit caught in headlights as he felt.

"Alright," Rose grinned back, allowing him to get away with his not so subtle cover up attempt. She was a little dismayed at the loss of contact but nonetheless she couldn't help but smile at the Doctor's flustered reaction. "Bet I can beat you to it…" Rose whispered daringly, suddenly dashing off despite the dangerously slippery ice. The Doctor laughed and hastily sprinted after her, easily overtaking.

"No chance!" He threw back over his shoulder. But before he knew it the Doctor found his feet sliding from beneath him and he landed heavily on his back, sending up a shower of snow.

"Oww," He groaned, lying flat on his back across the ice. Rose's head appeared above him, grinning smugly.

"Do you need some help there Doctor?" she smirked, and suddenly the Doctor's pain was forgotten completely.

"Nope! I'm good," He said enthusiastically, staggering to his feet. He swiftly scooped up a handful of snow and threw it in Rose's face for revenge. She screamed as it melted and the icy water ran down her top.

"Oh you are _so _gonna pay for that!" She said threateningly as she shook the snow from her clothes. Sensing the danger he was in the Doctor had already taken off once more for the colossal wave ahead, and had begun to tackle the base of its steep side. Rose quickly took chase, climbing up clumsily after him.

Before long they neared the top, the precariously positioned peak of the wave jutting out high above what was once sea level. The Doctor reached the summit first, strutting across the edge in victory and peering down at Rose.

"See, I told you you wouldn't win," He grinned as she clambered up the final slope. In that same instant he saw a patch of loose ice give way from under her foot and her look of panic as she lost her grip. He was by her side in a flash, quickly grabbing her arms and pulling her up the remaining distance. Rose gasped as she was pulled into the Doctor's arms, and she felt that sense of security that only he could give her return.

"You okay?" he asked anxiously, his worried face so close to hers. She merely nodded, too stunned to speak as she felt his arms wrapped around her protectively. He seemed to also become promptly aware of their proximity and she saw him gulp before withdrawing. "Good." He replied quickly before turning away.

The Doctor walked to the edge of the wave and sat down, swinging his legs around so that they dangled over the side. He turned back to see Rose still frozen to the spot, looking dazed.

"Come on," He patted the ice next to where he sat, inviting her to join him. "Pull up a wave!" He grinned.

Rose shook herself, coming to her senses. She had to get control of her emotions – she needed to remember that the Doctor still didn't know her all that well. She sat down cautiously beside him, peering over the edge at the sheer drop.

"You know… this could collapse at any moment." He looked at her challengingly, testing out her nerve. Of course he was just exaggerating – he would never deliberately put her in any real danger.

"So!" She laughed, her eyes sparkling in awe of the view. He grinned at her reaction.

"_Can't you come through properly?"_

"_The whole thing would fracture, two universes would collapse."_

"_So?"_

Lost words echoed around his head, an image of a desolate beach forming before his eyes as the frozen waves melted into a dull grey sea. But then he blinked and the scene was gone, as if blown away by the wind. Rose caught the Doctor's mystified expression.

"You alright?" She asked him brightly.

"I dunno… got a sort of… headache," he mumbled, frowning.

"Didn't know Timelords got headaches. Isn't that a bit human?" She teased.

"Yeah…" The Doctor ignored Rose's mocking tone, his eyes still distant.

"Well couldn't you just take some aspirin or something if it's that bad?"

"No!" The Doctor turned sharply to look at her and she recoiled, shocked by the force of his response. His face softened. "I'm allergic, it could kill me." He explained and her eyes widened.

"I'll have to remember that." She said making a mental note and turning back to the view. He followed her gaze and looked out across the spectacular landscape. The frozen shapes of the cascading waves sparkled under the starlight, their polished sides reflecting the purple of the sky so it seemed that they almost glowed.

He had been here a few times and the scenery never ceased to amaze him, and yet somehow none of those times seemed to compare to this. He felt as though he were looking out at the spectacle from Rose's eyes and seeing it truly for the first time. He felt his gaze slip back towards Rose now, seemingly unable to tear his eyes away from her. He watched her intently, loving every moment of her reactions to this wondrous planet.

"You know what?" He said softly.

"What?" Rose turned to face him once more, and found to her surprise that the Doctor's face was much closer than she remembered – or was that just her imagination?

"I'm really glad to have met you Rose Tyler. No matter what happens, whether I remember or not, I'm glad to have known you now." He smiled at her warmly and she felt her heart melt.

Now she was sure the Doctor was moving closer to her. Or was she moving closer to him? She couldn't tell, but right now it didn't matter one bit. He was near enough that she could feel his breath tickling her cheek, and she could smell his familiar, comforting scent.

And then he was screaming.

The Doctor let out a terrible, agonising cry that resounded off the frozen waves as he doubled over in pain, cradling his head desperately in his hands. Rose watched in horror as he clawed at his skull, his face contorted with agony.

What the hell was going on? One minute things couldn't have been more perfect and the next the Doctor was screaming with excruciating pain. Tears brimmed her eyes as she watched the man she cared for so deeply suffering, and she felt utterly helpless.

Rapidly his voice cracked and his scream ebbed away, and he suddenly swayed unsteadily as a great weakness took over his body. Rose quickly jumped to action, grabbing him under the arms and dragging him away from the lethal drop at the edge of the wave.

"Doctor! Doctor can you hear me?" She called him frantically, supporting his upper body against her own as he lay sprawled across the ice, barely conscious.

"Ughh… Rose…" He groaned, his eyes swimming in and out of focus.

"I'm here I've got you," Rose responded, stroking his hair in attempt to reassure him – and herself. "Doctor what's wrong?" Her voice wavered as tears began to spill down her face. "How can I help you? What can I do?"

"My… head…" he winced as the pain throbbed inside his skull. Perhaps it was just the pain clouding his thoughts but for once the Doctor really didn't have a clue what was wrong with him. The only thing he was consciously aware of was Rose's touch- even his vision was blurred and dark. His head felt like it could split in two but he had no idea why.

And that terrified him.

* * *

**A/N: I seem to have some sort of fixation with Women Wept so it was high time I wrote about it. I was pleased when they mentioned it in Journeys End :) And finally some actual Doctor/Rose fluff for you :) I've been dying to write this chapter for ages!**

**Okay so hopefully that quite a long chapter for you to make up for the fact that I'm off travelling tomorrow for a long awaited holiday :) Also soon after that I have my driving theory exam so basically I'm not sure when my next update will be but I have a VERY long coach journey ahead of me, so I will almost definitely keep writing while I'm away.**

**Hope you enjoyed it, please keep reading – your patience is very much appreciated!**


	10. Things Can't Get Any Worse?

**A/N: Thank you so much if you're still reading this! I know there's been a stupidly long gap between this and the last chapter. Some of this was written whilst I was on a ferry across the English channel at 3:30am! So if it's bad blame the sleep deprivation :P**

**Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews! I was able to read them via my phone while I was away and they made me very happy :) I know I'm mean to the Doctor, but doesn't that make it more like the real episodes? :P They're always cruel to him! I mean just look at that finale…**

* * *

Chapter 10

Things can't get any worse?

The Doctor's searing pain seemed to quickly subside into a dull throb, but it left him feeling shaken and weak. Rose had somehow managed to aid him down from the frozen wave – which climbing had suddenly revealed itself to be a very irresponsible idea – and together they staggered back to the TARDIS.

All the way the Doctor had muttered incoherent apologies for leaning on Rose as he stumbled along, barely conscious. She of course had told him to stop worrying about her as she dutifully supported his weight – although she secretly thought how lucky she was that he was so skinny – and that after all he always looked after her.

A good half an hour later found Rose guiding him to the pilots chair and he slumped into it gratefully with a groan. They took a moment to catch their breath, both feeling thoroughly drained. Rose watched the Doctor anxiously from across the console as he sat awkwardly in the chair.

She couldn't recall ever having seen him in such a rough state- except for perhaps when he had regenerated and it had all gone horribly wrong, and that definitely wasn't a time she wanted to be reminded of. His skin was deathly pale, and he wore a strained expression as if it were an effort for him to even stay sitting upright.

Even long after Rose had recovered from their hike back to the TARDIS the Doctor was still gasping for air. She instinctively went to sit beside him on the chair, and shuffled up to him closely so that she could support him. He looked up at her gratefully and clasped her hand in his own. Rose tried to ignore how cold he was.

"How are you feeling?" She asked him nervously.

"Um… better, I guess. I just feel so exhausted." He muttered glumly. Rose looked at him worriedly, squeezing his hand to reassure him because she didn't know what else she could do.

"What do you think it was?" She asked him softly, and the Doctor looked away into the distance. For a moment she wondered if he would even respond.

"I don't know." He said eventually, and Rose's stomach dropped as she saw a look of exposed fear flicker across his face. It was unusual for him to not even have a clue, and often it signalled something very bad was about to happen. Unless he did know something, and was hiding it from her…

Once she would have shaken this thought away hastily – the Doctor wouldn't lie to her. But he wasn't her Doctor right now, he was a different man. She clutched his hand tighter.

"Do you think you'll be alright?" she said swallowing back tears. He looked back at her quickly masking his previous expression.

"Course. I'm always alright." And with that he dropped her hand and got to his feet, walking around the console.

He fiddled with the controls absent-mindedly, trying his best to look unaffected by what had just happened. But Rose saw the way he winced as he stood, and did not miss the weary manner with which he moved. He was a mere ghost of his former energetic self.

Rose apprehensively joined him at the console, watching him with concern.

"So… where to next?" the Doctor said in attempt to sound cheery but failing miserably.

"Umm… I dunno…" Rose said distractedly; getting the Doctors memories back suddenly seemed so unimportant.

"Well it doesn't have to be somewhere we've been before does it? We could have a break, go somewhere new!" he made to dart around the console excitedly, but Rose saw the pain he was clearly suffering. She couldn't work out whether this cheery façade was more for her benefit or to prove to himself that he was okay. She could tell that this had really shaken him, and that on its own was disturbing enough.

"What about the planet Teripath? They have oceans of pure silver! Or how about Barcelona? I've always wanted to take someone there you know. Not the place mind you, the pla- arrghhh!" The Doctors rambling was suddenly cut short by the return of that searing pain ripping through his head.

"Doctor!" Rose was at his side in a heartbeat, putting her arms around him to protect him should he fall. He bent over the console in agony, his fingers digging into his skull. He slowly looked up at her as the pain faded once more, and saw the tears brimming her eyes. He knew now that there was no avoiding this. Rose definitely wasn't going to let him.

"Doctor you can't go on like this, you've got to get help!" Her voice shook as she tried desperately not to let the panic consume her.

"From who?" he replied irritably. Rose withdrew a little from his snappy response, but said nothing. He was right of course; there was no one to turn to. For a few moments there was silence, until a thought occurred to Rose which caused her stomach to turn.

"You don't think…" she trailed off and the Doctor looked up at her expectantly.

"What?"

"This couldn't be… to do with that box thing could it?" The Doctor raised his eyebrows at this.

"What d'you mean?"

"It's not some sort of side effect of using the box to bring me across the void or something? I mean it _was_ meant to be impossible for you to reach me…"

"Nah, the memory loss was all I got from that." he said, dismissing the thought with a wave of his hand.

"But how can you be so sure when you don't even remember what happened?" Rose said desperately as her fear began to take hold. She couldn't bear the thought that the Doctor could be in this pain because of her.

"Because… that's just…" Rose's heart fell at his loss of certainty. She watched as he contemplated his situation, catching once again that small glimmer of trepidation betrayed by his eyes.

"So what _was _an event we visited? A specific point in time?" the Doctor suddenly cut through the silence, catching Rose off guard with the abrupt change of topic.

"What? No! We're not worrying about getting your memories back til we work out what's wrong with you!" She said defiantly.

"No no no, just trust me. Clearly what we've been doing so far hasn't been sufficient to trigger them so I figured we could try the other approach and see if that works."

"You mean going back to the same point in time?" He nodded. "But you said we couldn't, that it was too risky."

"I know I know, but this might be our only chance. We'll just have to be careful."

"All the same you're not well, what do I do if this gets worse and I can't help you?" Rose's voice wavered with worry as she looked at him, pleading him to see reason.

"Rose I'm fine, look at me." He said reassuringly placing a hand on her shoulder. At the moment at least he did seem to be better, although he was still pale and tired looking.

"But what if it does happen again? It's happened twice already." She whispered, a stray tear escaping her eye. The Doctor gave her a small smile and brushed it away from her cheek softly.

"I think doing this will help me to understand something. Please, just trust me." He spoke tenderly and with that and his gentle touch she caved. Unable to speak she simply nodded her acceptance and his smile broadened.

"So then, didn't you say we went to Queen Elizabeth's coronation?" The Doctor recalled from their conversation back on New Earth.

"Yeah that's right. We weren't actually at it though; we were at Muswell Hill you said, cause of the TV transmitter."

"Ah," He began to set the coordinates, "but can you remember a very specific area though were we both went to?"

"Well, we spent most of the time in this street, but I can't remember the name of it…" she pondered it, although perplexed as to his need for exact details. No offence to his flying but he rarely seemed to end up where he aimed for, after all they had never even meant to go to the coronation. "I dunno, we were both at the police station as well if that's any help. It was just after the coronation had been aired, you came to find me there."

"Ah! That'll do." He flicked a couple more switches before lurching the TARDIS into life.

"But hang on a minute, you said the reason we couldn't go to events was cause of the risk of bumping into ourselves, so why are you going looking for us?" She asked, mildly alarmed at whether he knew what he was doing or not.

"Yes but as long as we don't see ourselves we should be okay," he gave her a quick smile, but she wasn't entirely convinced. Nevertheless she couldn't help a smile spreading across her face at the way he seemed to always go looking for trouble, even at moments like this.

Within a few moments they had landed, and the Doctor peeked cautiously out of the TARDIS doors. After checking the coast was clear, he beckoned Rose over and they slowly stepped outside.

The Doctor had done it- they were indeed back at the police station in 1953. They could hear lots of people talking and laughing nearby, and warily stuck their heads around the corner ahead. There was a group of people standing about in the court yard behind the police station, all of them smiling and chatting happily amongst themselves.

Rose remembered this well, for she had been a part of this crowd. She spotted herself, talking to a random woman who she had befriended whilst waiting for the Doctor.

The Doctor frowned. Where was he? He was certain he had picked the right coordinates in time according to Rose's description. But suddenly there he was, appearing from around the far corner wearing the biggest grin ever. He watched himself walk over briskly to Rose, thinking how bizarre it was to be watching himself from the past that he couldn't even remember.

He saw himself sweep Rose off her feet into a crushing hug, both of them smiling like nothing else mattered in the world. The Doctor felt a little taken aback. This him seemed so happy, but he couldn't remember feeling that happy in… well years. He glanced across to see Rose's reaction as she stood beside him, and saw her also watching the scene intently, a wistful expression on her face.

Rose felt butterflies float about her stomach at the sight of her and the Doctor before anything to do with the parallel universe had happened. They were so carefree and delighted just to be together. It was like she was watching the reunion that should have been relived tenfold only mere days ago. She longed to be the Rose she saw before her, enfolded in her Doctor's arms.

As they watched – Rose feeling nostalgic and the Doctor mystified – the other Doctor and Rose suddenly broke apart from their hug, looking at each other in confusion. Their baffled expression quickly turned to one of terror, although everyone else in the crowd seemed oblivious to their plight.

"Doctor… what's going on?" Rose asked nervously as they watched from their safe distance.

"What d'you mean?" The Doctor replied without tearing his eyes away from the scene.

"Something's happening… something's going wrong, this never happened." The panic was rising in her voice.

Suddenly the other Doctor and Rose gripped their heads in pain, and within seconds they had vanished into thin air. It was as if they had been wiped out of existence. Now the Doctor shared Rose's alarm.

"What?!" He spat, his eyes wide. He walked towards the crowd, no longer caring if he was seen.

"Doctor what's going on!" Rose cried, running after him.

"It can't be!" The Doctor ignored her, spinning around on the spot searching desperately for any sign of himself or the other Rose.

"They didn't see us did they? They can't have! We were out of sight, we didn't do anything!" Rose exclaimed in shock, but the Doctor still did not take any notice of her.

"No… it's really happening, NO!" The Doctor yelled, angrily running his hands through his hair.

"Doctor?" Rose said in a small voice, reaching out to him tentatively. He suddenly spun around to face her, his face furious and she whipped her hand away quickly.

"Why would I do that? Why on earth would I have even attempted to do something like that when I must have known what could happen?" He shouted in her face and she took a step backwards.

"Doctor just tell me what's going on," Rose said firmly, and he took a deep breath to calm himself down.

"Rose… you said you saved my life…" He began, his voice shaking. She nodded.

"On the first day we met."

"But… I've had all of my memories of you wiped, as if I never met you. And if I'd never met you… I'd be dead…" Rose's eyes widened.

"But it's just memories. It's not real; I mean it still all happened even if you don't remember." Rose looked at him for reassurance but he looked away. "Right Doctor?"

"I'm a Timelord. Tampering with a human's memory is dangerous, but mess with the mind of a Timelord… " He trailed off. He turned back to her and she saw the fear in his eyes that had been flickering there for days, now revealed without any attempt by him to hide it. "Timelords are more complicated, having a connection to the time vortex itself and all that, and being telepathic. If I don't remember meeting you, then I never did."

Rose felt like someone had just dropped a brick in her stomach. She should have known something like this would happen. It had all been going too well, they'd been having too much fun getting to know each other.

"Rose… I'm fading from existence," The Doctor almost whispered it as he looked at her in terror. Suddenly the pain caught up with him once more, and he crumpled under the strain. Rose grabbed him before he fell, struggling to hold him up. "Get me back to the TARDIS, NOW!" The Doctor demanded as soon as he regained the ability to speak.

As soon as they were inside the Doctor began rapidly setting coordinates into the console, stumbling every so often from a burst of the blinding pain. The TARDIS shook as he tried to fly her regardless of the state he was in, and Rose clung on for dear life.

"Doctor slow down! Where are we going?" Rose yelled frantically over the whirring of the engines, but he didn't even acknowledge that he had heard her. Abruptly they landed with an almighty thud, which sent Rose rolling about the floor. Before she could even pick herself up the Doctor had thrown himself out of the TARDIS doors without a backwards glance.

"Doctor! Wait!" She cried after him, clambering to her feet and rushing to the doors. As she burst from the TARDIS she almost collided with the stationary Doctor, who clearly hadn't got very far.

"Doctor would you please tell me what-" Rose forgot all about what she had been about to say as she followed the Doctor's gaze, frozen by the image that met her eyes. "Oh my god…"

* * *

**A/N: Little bit shorter but I wanted to make sure I got this uploaded before I go away again tomorrow. I hope it doesn't seem too rushed. I'm going to Cardiff :) Perhaps it will inspire me for my story!**

**Also sorry if its inaccurate, I dunno if Timelords are actually connected to the time vortex but I kept thinking of the ending of the parting of the ways were Rose has it running through her head and is all "I can see all of time and space" and the Doctor says that's what he sees all the time. Just take it all with a pinch of salt anyways ;)**

**I don't think there's going to be much more, maybe 2 chapters, at most 3. Unless I think of something else… Thanks for reading!**


	11. Slipping From Existence

**A/N: So I'm back from Cardiff with a new chapter :) I saw so many sights! I even went to the real Bad Wolf Bay! I took tons of pictures, you can see my first ever avatar is me sitting on 'Dalig Ulv Stranden' :D**

**Yays :) thanks once more for your patience with my slow updating! Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews!**

* * *

Chapter 11

Slipping From Existence

Rose gasped, her hands coming to her mouth in shock.

"Doctor… what happened?" her voice wavered as she took in the sight before her.

They had landed in Cardiff Bay- just outside where they knew the Torchwood base to reside- but if weren't for the distinctive water tower and the remains of the millennium centre they might not have recognised it.

The city stood in ruins; the streets were devoid of life, and covered in rubble and broken glass. Smoke emitted from abandoned cars and houses, all windows shattered to allow the elements to wreak havoc on their interiors. The Doctor didn't say a word, but merely stepped out slowly towards the bay, moving away from the TARDIS.

"Doctor!" Rose pleaded with him to explain, grabbing his arm to stop him from walking away. He slowly turned around to face her, and she saw the turmoil in his eyes. The colour had drained from his skin, and he opened his mouth as if to say something, but couldn't seem to find the words. Rose swallowed as she felt the Doctor's grief flow into her from those one sparkling eyes.

Suddenly she saw the Doctor's eyes dart upwards to a point somewhere just behind her, but before she could look to see what he had seen he had grabbed her and pulled her away.

"Look out!" he yelled urgently, and no sooner had they ducked, than she felt a rush of air pass over her head. She became aware of a dark shape swooping low around them, a blur out of the corner of her eye.

"What the hell was that?" Rose yelled, looking about wildly for the mysterious form. When her eyes fixed upon the source, her heart plummeted. There, soaring high above them like a vulture circling its prey, was that unmistakeable bat-like shape.

A reaper.

It's viciously sharp, scythe-like tail curved around its body, intense red eyes burning into hers. She could feel it looking at her, and she knew why. Her stomach dropped with the sinking realisation of what the presence of this creature meant. She was horrified by it, knowing that if she continued to stand there it would soon lunge for her, and yet she felt transfixed by its penetrating gaze, feeling as though it was staring straight into her soul.

It seemed to spot her vulnerability, and with a screech it dived at them again, taking advantage of the opportunity. Before she knew it the Doctor had grabbed her hand, and pulled her away swiftly towards the millennium centre.

"Quick! Get inside!" he urged her, gesturing at the broken glass front of the building. They hurried inside its once grand interior, just as the reaper was at their heels. Rose couldn't help but think that the smashed doors wouldn't keep them safe for long, but for now the low hood of the building front seemed to have kept the reaper from flying in after them.

Rose jumped as she heard a shuffling sound behind them, and suddenly became aware of many pairs of eyes watching them nervously. A few stragglers had also sought refuge here, and now peered at them suspiciously from their hiding places. These were the only survivors of the human race, huddled up together, frightened and defenceless. The reapers angry shriek at being defied echoed off the walls, causing them all to flinch and withdraw back out of sight.

The Doctor cautiously peeked out of the building, seeing the foul beast perched atop the water tower like a gargoyle. Rose hesitantly joined his side, and they both nervously watched in suspence to see what it would do next. Once more its burning eyes met theirs, as if daring them to come out and face it. Its tail swished menacingly like a cat waiting to pounce, taunting them.

Abruptly a scream pierced the silence from somewhere in the distance. The reapers attention was instantly stolen, and its head snapped around in the direction of the cries. It hastily took flight, hungrily speeding towards the sound until it had disappeared from their view. A few seconds later the scream was stifled, and Rose felt a chill run down her spine.

She gulped, and the Doctor took a deep sigh, running his hands through his hair agitatedly.

"Reapers…" Rose whispered, barely audible. For a moment the Doctor looked at her sharply, as if shocked that she understood what the creature was, before swiftly realising that in some past life he must have explained them to her. He turned away from her shaking his head, anger suddenly boiling up inside him.

"That means-" Rose began, but the Doctor cut her off, his rage becoming too overwhelming for him to contain.

"WHY WOULD I DO THAT?" he shouted in her face.

"What?" she asked quietly pulling back from the Doctor, confused and startled by his sudden outburst.

"This! All of it!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air, "Why would I have gone through with that? Why would I take that risk knowing what was at stake? I must have known what could happen so why would I do it just for the sake of a human girl I don't even remember?" He panted, trying to catch his breath.

Rose felt sharp tears prickle at her eyes, seeing the fury burning like a wild fire in his eyes like she had once seen in her old Doctor. In reality his anger was fuelled by his fear. He couldn't understand why he would give so much for her because he didn't know the relationship they had had. As far as he was concerned he would always choose the greater good over a single person, so this broke all of his own rules.

He hadn't been able to see himself ever loving again, so why would he have done this for _her_? It was more than just fear of the consequences of what he'd done, he was frightened of how much this simple human meant to him.

The Doctor's words tore through Rose's heart, not simply because of the way he referred to her so coldly, but because it was now she fully understood what was happening.

It was all her fault.

Her fault the Doctor had had his memories altered. Her fault the world was now coming to an end. Her fault he was now fading from existence.

Rose drifted out into the open space like a ghost, no longer caring if she was picked off by a reaper.

"So all of this… is because of me…" she said desolately, a numbness taking over her body. Her words slowly sunk into the Doctor's mind, bringing him to his senses and pulling him from his rage. He felt his anger diminish as he gazed at her despairing form, tears shining in her eyes as she stood amongst the wreckage.

He felt a fresh wave of guilt wash over him, realising that he had accused her when really it was all his fault. He hadn't meant to blame her. He stepped out after her, approaching apprehensively.

"What do you mean, I did this." He said softly, and she turned to face him.

"But you wouldn't have done it if it weren't for me," she responded stubbornly, her voice shaking as tears began to escape her eyes.

And suddenly as he looked into her shimmering brown eyes, for reasons he couldn't explain the Doctor understood. He knew why he had done it. He had done it so that he could be reunited with this amazing person. This beautiful, brave, and brilliant girl who stood before him. He may not still fully understand who she was or why he was feeling these emotions but somehow he knew that he would go to the ends of the universe for her, and he wasn't about to give in now.

"Rose Tyler…" He gave her a sad smile despite the situation, taking her hand in his. "This is not your fault, none of it. I won't let you take the blame for my mistakes. I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it. I was just scared but that's no excuse." Rose squeezed his hand tighter. "We'll get through this. Trust me." He said firmly, and for a second she almost believed him. That was until he suddenly gasped as the relentless pain ripped through his head once more.

"No! Doctor!" She cried as the Doctor sank to the floor, clutching his head. No matter what the Doctor said she did have a part to play in this mess, and she couldn't watch the Doctor suffer because of her.

"R-rose…" he gasped reaching desperately for her hand.

"Doctor… hold on," Rose sat down next to him, holding him close. "What can I do? How can I help you Doctor?"

"We… we need to g-get help…" The Doctor wheezed, struggling for breath.

"But who from? What about Jack? This is the Torchwood base right?" The Doctor shook his head.

"They must be gone, they'd have seen us, they'd be here by now," Rose felt her stomach sink. Not Jack too…

"Then who… who is there?" tears rolled freely down her face as she cradled the Doctor.

"D-donna…" the Doctor stuttered as another bolt of agony seared through his mind.

"What? But how can we get to her, you can't fly the TARDIS like this!"

"No… she… she had an idea…" The Doctor took a deep breath as he tried desperately to explain himself, forcing the pain to the back of his mind. "Listen. Time is changing because all of the time I spent with you is being erased, and all of the things I've done since then are being undone because I shouldn't be alive. It's had such a devastating effect on so many timelines that reality itself is unravelling, its trying to mend itself but it can't because the damage is too great. That's why it's taking so long to reach me." There was a distance screech from a reaper, and the Doctor and Rose looked about anxiously.

"I _need_ to remember you Rose! Before it's too late!" The Doctor emphasized frantically.

"But _how_! Even when you saw us it didn't work, how do I make you remember?" Rose begged him, but before he could answer he screamed again as another blast of pain succeeded in knocking him out cold. He fell limp in her arms and she felt her heart race.

"Doctor? Doctor!" She shook him, praying for him to regain consciousness as her heart beat furiously against her chest. "Please, I can't do this on my own!" But it was no good. She looked about in panic as the cries of the reapers grew closer. She had to get them both under shelter, and fast.

She began to drag the Doctor back towards the millennium centre, as she found herself far closer to it than the TARDIS. Once inside the foyer, she hid them both behind the nearest corner, huddling up close to the Doctor for comfort. She put a hand to his head and realised that despite how cold the rest of him felt, his forehead was very hot. Now it really was like last Christmas when his regeneration had gone wrong.

She carefully laid him down, taking off her jacket and using it to support his head. Nervously she pressed her hand to the left of his chest, feeling for his heartbeat. Feeling a weak pulse, she moved her hand to the opposite side, but felt nothing there. Her own heart skipped a beat. Only one of his hearts was working – he was failing.

Last time all he had required was a simple cup of tea, but now she knew that wouldn't be enough, even if she did have access to one. She racked her brain trying to think of how she could help him. When she had last faced the reapers her father had had to sacrifice himself in order to restore the balance. Perhaps what needed to happen was for her to return to the parallel universe? If it would save his life she knew she would do it without question, but then she realised even if it would fix things she couldn't physically get back there anyway.

She had never felt so alone and helpless in her life.

"Please wake up, please I need you," she whispered into his ear, hugging him close, but he didn't so much as twitch. And then she was crying uncontrollably, unable to bear it any longer.

Now she understood how the Doctor must feel all the time. So alone, watching his loved ones age and pass away. It took her back to that moment, standing outside a café all that time ago.

"_I don't age, I regenerate. But humans decay. You whither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone that you…" he had trailed off before she could hear the words she so longed to hear him speak._

"_What Doctor?" She prompted him, and after a slight pause he continued._

"_You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on, alone."_

That had been the first time she had truly realised quite how deep his loneliness went, but now she understood more than ever. She had been so determined to ensure that he wouldn't be alone anymore that she hadn't even considered what would happen if _she _lost _him. _

Living separated from him in the parallel world had been a living hell, worse than she could have ever imagined, but she was able to live on knowing that he was still alive. But now she didn't even have her family to turn to, and the Doctor was dying in her arms all because he had been so lonely that he had risked everything to be reunited with her.

Tears spilled down her cheeks, dripping onto the Doctor's face. She felt the ground shake as chaos consumed whatever life was left in the world, but none of it mattered anymore because the Doctor was her world. She wondered absent-mindedly how far out into the universe this disaster spread, knowing that without the Doctor so many civilisations would have fallen. He had fixed so much, and now it was coming undone because of her.

"_Please_ Doctor… wake up please, help me," Rose continued to whisper into his ear, rocking slightly as it became a desperate mantra.

x x x x x

Somewhere in the darkness the Doctor clinged to life blindly. The only thing that was stopping him from falling into the void was Rose's touch. It was the only thing he was really aware of, the only thing connecting him to the real world.

He could feel time fluctuating and splintering all around him as it strained to correct itself. It was pulling him further and further into the darkness, but he couldn't let go. He was hanging on by a thread which was growing ever finer but still he refused to face that eternal emptiness.

He knew the reapers longed to prey on him – he was their prime target, the centre of all of this chaos. This worried him only for Rose's safety, for he knew that she wouldn't leave his side, and if they found him they'd find her too.

He couldn't go into the void. He couldn't bear it, and there was no way he could let Rose be consumed as well. He couldn't leave her all on her own. He could feel her pain and sorrow as she wept over his fading body, and it pulled at his heart.

He needed to stop this from happening. He needed to save Rose, save the Earth, save time itself from collapsing. The weakness he felt so was so overwhelming but he knew he had to overcome it.

"_Doctor… please, don't leave me…"_

He heard Rose's words float around in his mind, though he couldn't quite tell where they were coming from.

_I won't Rose._ He thought resolutely, searching for the warmth of her touch. He latched onto the sound of her voice, focusing on the feel of her arms that were wrapped around his body, holding him tightly.

He gathered together every last ounce of strength left in all that remained of him, using it to climb towards her. She was his light in the dark, his hope when there was nothing else left.

He was the Doctor, he could do this. All he needed was his Rose.

Battling desperately against the pull of the void, he gradually felt Rose's presence grow ever stronger, ever closer.

_I'm coming Rose._

* * *

**A/N: ooo angsty. Sorry guys, rough week. It's actually amazing how happy i feel after getting all of that sadness out of me haha XD**

**I'm not sure if there's going to be only one or two chapters more. I was aiming for one more and then a short epilogue, but I think it might just end up being only one. I was trying to think of something else to put in this but couldn't / So sorry if this one seemed a bit stretched out! Sorry not much happened in it .**

**Thanks for reading :D**


	12. Trust

**A/N: I had a little bit of writers block with this one, so I hope it's not too bad. It's also a rather long chapter for the wait :) I also got a bit distracted making a Doctor/Rose music video, which I've put up on youtube if anyone is interested. My username is the same as it is on here (Stormfox8) and the video is called 'Rose and the Doctor Reunited' :) Call it a bonus for the stupidly long delay on this chapter!!**

**Thanks for the amazing reviews! BadWolfIsMe - In real life it's not actually called Bad Wolf bay, it was called Dunraven Bay, but it was still instantly recognisable when you get there, it was amazing to see in real life! :)**

* * *

Chapter 12

Trust

Through the sobs that racked her body, Rose felt a slight tickling against her cheek. As this slowly registered as the Doctor's eyelids fluttering open, she hastily loosened her tight hold on him. She watched his pale face as he opened his eyes painfully slowly, as if that alone was an impossible challenge.

"Doctor?" Rose whispered hopefully, scared that she was simply imagining him waking up by wishing for it so hard. She saw his weary eyes taking in her tear stained face, as if he were trying to make sense of the world.

"R-rose…" he stuttered, barely audible, before he promptly began to cough and splutter.

Rose struggled to hold him upright as his body convulsed violently with the strain of it, until at last he seemed to calm. He breathed heavily, clutching his chest as his sides heaved. He looked up at her through watering eyes as he gasped for breath, and gave her a shaky smile.

"Hello," he managed to get out, this time minus the coughing fit.

"Hello!" Rose beamed, overjoyed that he was awake. She instantly pulled him into a hug, clinging onto him desperately. "I thought I'd lost you," she muttered into his shoulder.

"Ahh…" Rose pulled away as the Doctor winced in pain.

"Sorry," she looked at him apologetically.

"No no, it's fine- argh!" He grasped at the right side of his chest, above his right heart. "Only… only one of my h-hearts is… working!" He gasped as he tried to adapt to this drastic change in his physiology. Rose looked at him worriedly.

"Erm… are you gonna be okay?" Rose asked shakily, almost too scared to find out the answer. He merely glanced at her as he continued his fight for consciousness, and she found herself wishing she hadn't asked.

In truth he didn't know what to tell her, because he didn't really know himself. He couldn't lie, but seeing her in such distress he couldn't exactly say that if they didn't do something quick he would lose what little grip he had left on reality and fall into the void forever. She seemed to sense his apprehension in answering, and quickly attempted to change the topic.

"What can I do Doctor? How can I help you?" She looked at him pleadingly, feeling utterly helpless as he bent over in pain. "You said Donna had an idea or something?"

The Doctor nodded slowly as if hesitant to admit to this, but then his face contorted as another bolt of pain seared through his body. He could feel the ever growing pull to the void in his mind, drawing him towards the darkness. It taunted him, urging him to let go of his sore, weary body to be released into a world were nothing existed, not even pain. In that moment he knew there was only one option left.

"Rose… you know that I'm telepathic yes?" he asked in a strained voice and she nodded. "Just recently, before I came to Torchwood I had to enter Donna's mind to repair damage that had been done to _her _memories. I don't remember it very well cause I think it had something to do with the box I used to bring you here, and everything close to that time is still a bit fuzzy. But Donna told me about it, because it had given her this idea…" he stopped to catch his breath, closing his eyes momentarily against the relentless pain.

"She thought that maybe you could do the same for me, to physically enter my mind and replace yourself in the gaps in my memories." Rose looked up at this, feeling a spark of hope ignite.

"So why didn't you mention this sooner?" She asked him accusingly.

"It's more complicated than she made out. I didn't think… I thought because you were human it wouldn't be possible, that you wouldn't be capable." He looked a little guilty at his admission. "But I didn't know you then. Now I know better, I think you might be able to do it, I'm just still not sure if it will work."

"But I have to try, it could be our only chance." Rose said instantly, and the Doctor grinned at her determination and courage – she hadn't even considered whether or not there would be any risk to herself. But then his smile quickly faded and he looked away, no longer able to hold her gaze.

"What is it?" Rose asked softly, sensing his reluctance in this plan. "Is there something else?" At last he looked up at her, and she could have sworn he looked almost nervous. She had read him like a book of course, but now it no longer surprised him.

"There was another reason I didn't want you to do it when Donna first suggested it… perhaps the real reason." Once more he bore a look of guilt, his eyes pleading Rose to be understanding.

"And what was that?" Rose whispered, suddenly anxious to hear his answer.

"When you go inside my mind… you'll see everything. My whole past, my thoughts, my feelings," he trailed off, feeling exposed and vulnerable. Rose suddenly understood why he was so reluctant.

Although it disheartened her at his hesitance to trust her with this, she realised what a big deal it was. Even when they had been close the Doctor had always kept secrets from her; in fact he rarely spoke of his past at all, and in many ways she hardly knew him. But it was the way he had always been, the mysterious Timelord who had lived for so long. Who knew what had happened to him in all his 900 years?

She didn't really know what to say in response – she could see he was uncertain about going through with it so she didn't want to push him, but right now it was their only hope.

"Rose… I trust you. I want you to do it." The Doctor said in a small, timid voice, but there was no shadow of doubt in his eyes. Again he wasn't sure why he had such unwavering faith in her – when Donna had suggested it the idea had seemed preposterous – and yet he was certain he could trust her with this now. It just felt right. Besides, in the short space of time he had spent with her, he had grown somewhat fond of her. It no longer felt like he would be letting a stranger loose in his mind

Rose simply gaped at his statement. Here he was, only having known her for a couple of days and he was willing to share everything with her, to trust her completely. Once more she found herself speechless and his deep brown eyes locked with hers. She had always trusted _him _with her life, but she had never known anyone put so much faith in _her. _

"Are you ready to do this? We don't have much time." he said softly, seeing her eyes water at his words. He could see that she had been touched by what he had said, though he hadn't realised quite how much it would mean to her. She gave him a small nod in response, unable to find her voice. "Rose… if this works, it will create a paradox. If I remember you again, it will mean that none of this ever happened, so everything will be fixed…"

"But?" Rose pressed him, sensing that he had more to say.

"I'm not sure when exactlytime will revert back to." He looked at her sadly.

"What d'you mean?" Rose's voice wavered. Of course she had instantly understood what the Doctor was implying, but she didn't want to believe it. The Doctor sighed heavily.

"Time might be reset to before… before I was able to bring you across from the void. I'm sorry… I'm so _so _sorry. I don't know where you'll end up…"

"But…" Rose's voice shook, her eyes filled to the brim with tears. "…but I can't go back… not now, not after all this…" The Doctor simply looked at her regretfully, his hearts heavy, not knowing how to console her.

Rose wiped her eyes roughly, determined not to lose control at this point. The Doctor needed her, no matter what the outcome. More than that, the whole world was at stake. She knew what she had to do- she had no choice. After all… the Doctor said he didn't know for certain what would happen, so there was still a chance that things could work out…

She swallowed back her tears and straightened up.

"Okay. What do I do?" She said bravely, using every ounce of her willpower to remain in one piece. The Doctor gave her a sad but grateful smile, admiring her courage. He knew he always picked the best companions, but right now Rose just seemed to blow everyone else away. He had never known someone so strong in the face of such pain, and all because it was the right thing for her to do. For the sake of the world, and for him.

Even though he had only had a couple of days with her he knew that if he lost her now he would miss her dearly, and the thought of how much it might hurt him if he got his memories back and lost her again caused his hearts to ache. He could see the tears building in her eyes as she fought to be strong. He sighed resignedly, weary from this whole ordeal.

"The only way this can work is by me first entering your mind. Because you're human you can't physically establish the link." She simply nodded as he explained. He noted how the idea of him seeing inside _her _mind didn't seem to faze her in the least, causing him to feel a little ashamed of how he had reacted. Nonetheless he felt the need to reassure her and respect her privacy.

"I won't look at anything, don't worry. But by opening the link you will also be able to pass into my mind. In your head visualise it as passing through a door, just because it makes things easier. I will hide nothing from you Rose; every door in my mind should be open.

"Once inside, I'm not sure I'll be able to help you that much, you'll just have to follow your instincts. You should notice something… I dunno… out of place, something wrong… or missing." He scratched his head in thought. "I'm sorry, I jut don't know what you'll find." He saw her face fall a little, so he quickly added words of encouragement. "I'm sure you'll do the right thing. Like I said, I believe in you." He smiled at her as warmly as he could muster.

She attempted to return his smile, but the effort only succeeded in tipping her over the edge, causing tears to start falling down her cheeks.

"Doctor I…" she struggled through her sobs, though still trying desperately to keep them at bay, for the fear that once she started crying she wouldn't be able to stop. He looked at her sorrowfully, and suddenly they were back on that desolate beach, a world apart from one another. "I don't want to lose you again," she managed through the tears, "I… I can't…"

The Doctor saw her slowly losing control of her despair, and wrapped her up in a comforting hug. She quickly buried her head in his chest - clinging to him frantically - and he stroked her back in an attempt to sooth her pain. He breathed in her scent, and just for a moment it seemed so familiar, like he was home. And that was when it really hit him.

He didn't want to lose her. He'd just found her, it was too soon. He clutched her to him tighter, resting his head against hers, her hair tickling his face.

Their embrace seemed to do the trick, and Rose's tears soon slowed and her breathing calmed. She felt so safe in his arms, and she snuggled in closer so that she could hear his double heartbeat within his chest. She couldn't bare the thought of going back to a world without him, especially not after they had had these precious few days reunited, even if it hadn't quite been what she had anticipated.

Eventually she felt the Doctor grudgingly pull away, and was surprised to see his eyes were moist too. He cupped her cheek in his hand, savouring this possibly last moment with her.

"We must have faith." He said gently. "All we can do is hope for the best." She nodded, not trusting herself to speak in case she lost control again. "I'll see you soon." He grinned at her, and this time she managed a smile, allowing herself to believe him.

He then placed his hands either side of her head softly, his fingertips just brushing her skin. She watched as he closed his eyes and a look of intense concentration swept over his features. Just as she was beginning to wonder if it had worked she suddenly felt the strangest sensation. She felt the Doctor enter her mind, and felt the connection between them grow in strength.

Instinctively she closed her eyes, mimicking the Doctor, and she felt as though she had plunged into a different world.

o o o o o

Nothing seemed to make sense; it was all just a swirl of noises and sounds and abstract images. Just as she was beginning to feel overwhelmed Rose recalled the Doctor's instructions – to visualise it as entering a door. She focused, and suddenly everything settled; it was like there had been a gust of wind that had sent everything into a flurry, and it had suddenly calmed with all the bits and pieces floating gently to the ground like snow settling after a blizzard.

Before her stood a grand, ornate door, made of a rich wood. It seemed old due to the quality and heaviness, and yet it seemed in perfect condition. _Rather like the Doctor, older than he looks _mused Rose. But was this how it really was, or how she had imagined it? She shook these thoughts away – things were confusing enough as it was. Mentally she reached out for the door and suddenly she had passed through, and once more stepped into a whole new world.

Now she found herself in a sort of impressive hall, with a towering ceiling and ornate walls to match the door. There were many many more doors leading off from this room, and even the room itself seemed to go on forever. She felt dazzled by the size and grandeur of it all, and also a little intimidated.

Thoughts flew through her head; had she really imagined all this? How many doors were there? But most importantly, how on earthwas she supposed to find herself amongst so much else?

o o o o o

The Doctor felt Rose's confusion as she had entered his mind, but had felt proud as she quickly got to grips with this new concept and visualised it as he had told her. He now lingered as a presence in her mind, not going through any of the numerous doors that faced him, but merely waiting patiently.

He found himself in a slightly untidy, yet comfortable room, which seemed to have a soft glow about it- just bright enough to be cheery and welcoming. He could feel her emotions running through him and flying all about his presence.

When he had first entered her mind these emotions had been overwhelming; a torrent of fear and anguish and desperation had rushed into him, but amongst them he could also sense a spark of hope, buried beneath her other feelings. As her own presence left her mind and entered the majority of these emotions had calmed substantially, her focus occupied for the time being on the task ahead.

He felt restless waiting around for something to happen, and suddenly the doors ahead of him became very tempting. All of them stood ajar, as if inviting him to come inside. For the time being though he remained patient, respecting that he had told her he would not look at anything.

More time passed. The Doctor began to fidget, feeling ever more restless. Once more he considered the doors before him.

She hadn't protested the idea of him entering her mind at all… and she did seem to trust him unconditionally…

The Doctor pondered this as he felt Rose delve deeper into his own mind. He was unsure of how much time had passed, but it felt like he had been here a long time. He looked longingly at the slightly open doors ahead of him that simply begged to be explored. He was eager to learn more of this girl that clearly meant so much to him.

And so it wasn't long until the Doctor had grown impatient enough for the temptation to 'just have a peek' had become too much. He didn't want to be seen as abusing her trust, but surely it couldn't hurt anyone if he just had a brief look…

In a mixture of boredom and his curiosity getting the better of him, he cautiously sauntered across to one of the doors, as if expecting Rose to suddenly appear and tell him off. Warily he stepped inside, careful not to disturb anything.

He was surprised to find himself in a hospital waiting room, and couldn't at first see where Rose was in this picture. But then he recognised a woman who looked quite out of place amongst the others. She had big, curly hair and was wearing a full length, light peach dress, which seemed far too decorative for daily wear. But it wasn't just her outfit, but the way she was crying desperately, clutching a baby to her chest.

He knew instantly that this was Jackie, Rose's mum – although he wasn't sure if he remembered or whether he just knew because he was inside Rose's head – and that the baby she held was Rose herself. He walked a little closer- knowing that no one in the room could see him – watching as a paramedic tried to comfort her.

The details of this memory seemed very vague – most parts were blurry and some were quite abstract, for example none of the people in the room except for Jackie had faces. He assumed this was because Rose had only been a baby when this happened.

He couldn't understand why Jackie was so upset, so he found himself quickly retreating from the distressing scene, feeling quite taken aback. He never had liked hospitals.

Finding another door he decided to try his luck with this one instead. This time he saw Rose a little older, perhaps about five, and once more Jackie was there with her. They seemed to be at their home, in a small, cosy little bedroom. Jackie was sat cross legged on the bed holding a photo album, and Rose was cuddled up close trying to see over her shoulder.

The Doctor grinned at the curious young Rose, her eyes bright and full of youth. He couldn't help but think how sweet she looked.

"Who's that? That's your daddy." Jackie's soft voice reached the Doctor. It had a slightly surreal, distorted quality to it. "You weren't old enough to remember when he died. 1987, 7th of November. Do you remember what I told you? The day that Stuart Hoskins and Sarah Clark got married." And that was when the Doctor understood the previous scene he had witnessed.

Rose had lost her father, at a terribly young age. He felt a wave of sadness wash over him at this realisation, and yet this younger Rose seemed unperturbed by what her mother was telling her, too young to fully understand – but she would one day. He quickly moved on once more.

He found himself faced with many doors this time, but felt drawn to one particular entrance. Perhaps these were memories Rose wanted him to see? He contemplated the thought as he carefully passed through it, curiously inspecting his surroundings.

He was in another flat, but it was clearly a different one to the last. It seemed colder and duller, and looked as if it needed redecorating- like whoever it was that lived here had only recently moved in.

He suddenly heard a sniffling sound, like someone crying. Following the noise led him into the kitchen area, where he found a Rose that he instantly recognised sat at the table. Her hair was longer and she looked much younger, but it was clearly her. He concluded that she must have been about 17.

As he slowly got closer he made out her tearstained face, her red eyes telling him that she had been crying for some time. It was then that he realised she was also on the phone, as her voice suddenly pierced the quietness.

"…no mum he's just gone." She sniffed, fresh tears falling down her face. A name entered the Doctor's head from Rose's memory – Jimmy Stone. "…he's left me mum," Rose broke down, her sobs shaking her body.

The Doctor felt his heart break for her. How could anyone do this to her? She was such a genuine, caring person! He could feel her anguish flowing through him, as he experienced the emotions she had felt at the time.

"_How much did he take?" _The Doctor could just make out the crackly voice of Jackie over the phone.

"…£800…" Rose answered hesitantly.

"_That thieving little…"_

"Mum please…" Rose begged her mother to calm down; she couldn't take anymore right now.

"_I'm sorry Rose, I just can't believe he's done this to you. Just you wait, we'll see him in prison!" _Jackie exclaimed_. "Why don't you come home sweetheart, I'll make you a nice cup of tea yeah?" _Rose agreed and then quickly hung up.

The Doctor watched helplessly as she buried her head in her arms and cried her heart out, and all he wanted to do was reach out for her and tell her everything would be okay, and that now she had him. But he knew that this was only a memory that he couldn't change, and he was nothing more than a spectator.

Suddenly he felt like he had seen too much, like he shouldn't have been there. Feeling a little guilty at intruding on her personal memories he moved away, back into the room of doors where he had started.

Contemplating what he had seen, he was surprised by the darkness that shadowed Rose's past. He wasn't sure what he had expected to find, but from someone that seemed so strong and positive and full of life he certainly hadn't predicted this.

It reminded him of his own past, on a smaller and more domestic scale of course. He too had had his heart broken and lost family members. He felt a new connection with Rose, and now he found himself almost hoping that she did learn about his past whilst in his mind. After all she deserved to after he had pried into hers.

Perhaps when all this was over they could… talk about it. A new concept for him, but one that for the first time in his life seemed appealing. He wondered how she would feel, talking about _her _past…

o o o o o

Back in the Doctor's mind, Rose was growing ever more fearful that she would not find what she was looking for. She had felt so overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of doors that beheld her, so not knowing what else to do she had simply investigated the ones that she had felt drawn to.

She had discovered so much of his past, and it had broken her heart. She had experienced the beauty of his home planet Galifrey, had witnessed how he had destroyed it in the process of ending the Time War with the Daleks, and had seen those he had loved and then lost.

The emotions that she had felt – his emotions she realised – had almost been too much for her to bear. Such rage, regret, guilt… she could pick out so many, the list seemed never-ending but none of them were good. She had always known he was somewhat haunted by his past, but she had never realised quite how tragic it was.

She had also seen the times he had spent with Martha Jones and Donna Noble, the time after they had been separated. He had been through so much even since then; finding another of his own kind only to have him die in his arms, not before having witnessed him rip apart the earth whilst holding the Doctor prisoner. His experience as a human; falling in love, witnessing a brief glimpse of a life he could never have. He had been such a different man, and yet that was all still hidden somewhere within him. She had felt his pain as the living sun that had burnt him from the inside out, and it had almost blinded her.

She hoped that he would be willing to talk to her about the things she had seen, because she felt the need to do something, _anything_, even if it were just to hold his hand and tell him she was there for him. She knew he had been looking at her past – odd as she found the concept, she could _feel _him wandering through her memories.

She didn't mind that he had said he wouldn't for a second; in fact part of her was glad he had seen, because there were things about her past she wasn't sure she would have had the strength or the opportunity to ever tell him. Now she felt that they were truly even, and a new bond could form between them – so long as she was able to fix him first that was, and that she wasn't stolen away from him after all of this was done.

The one thing she had noticed was that despite the amount of things she had seen, there had not been a single trace of her. Every so often she would catch fragments of moments she recognised – a werewolf, a child with a gas mask for a face, faceless humans – but these were distorted, as if broken into pieces, and she was absent from them all.

A feeling of despair took over her as she stood once more in the endless corridor. What was she supposed to do? The Doctor's words floated through her head…

"_I have faith in you…" _Suddenly she felt determined not to be overwhelmed by what she had seen - by the Doctor's emotions and the intimidating corridor. She focused all of her energy on the hope that soon they'd be reunited – properly – fuelled by the Doctor's trust in her. He was relying on her, she couldn't give in now.

And then, out of nowhere a new door stood before her, all of the others suddenly far away in the distance. It seemed grander than the others, with an ornamental pattern carved delicately into the wood. On closer inspection she could see that they were roses, crafted with such care. Her heart skipped a beat as she realised she'd found it – this door must contain _her._

She could almost feel the emotion creeping out from under the doorway, as though it were desperate to get out. It was everything warm and happy, and just by reaching out for the door she could sense the positive emotions trapped behind it.

But just as she attempted to open the door, she was dismayed to find it locked. Her momentary high spirits were quickly dampened as she tried with all her might to get in, but to no avail.

What was she supposed to do _now_? She stared at the keyhole, willing it to simply click open. She had made the door appear by wishing for it, so perhaps this could work the same way? But no matter how hard she glared at the door it would not open.

Her stomach plummeted. She looked around the room frantically for anything that might assist her. Maybe she needed to find a key? But there was nothing except for the endless doors, and she was promptly reminded that she was not physically in a room; this was all just in her head. Well his head…

She shook herself, this was no time to get confused. Her heart began to race as panic took hold.

Now what?!

o o o o o

The Doctor was still mulling over what he had seen in Rose's mind. He couldn't stop thinking about the parallels between her and himself. He also recalled her telling him how she had left her whole family behind in the other universe, so effectively she was just as alone in the world as he was.

That was if she wasn't taken back there once time reversed. He hoped desperately that she would be able to stay with him. He suddenly found himself yearning to talk to her about his past, which in itself was shocking because he seemed to spend most of his time hiding it from his companions.

He also caught himself thinking about how much he simply liked her. The way she smiled at him, the way she trusted him instantly and without question, the way she held his hand…

Through his day dream of Rose, the Doctor slowly became aware that a door had appeared before him. At first he was taken aback. How long had that been there? Or was he just going mad? Nope, it was definitely too late for that.

He could feel a positive pull towards the door, as if it were drawing him in. But he resisted the urge, remembering what he had seen last time- he had decided not to intrude any further on Rose's privacy. He promptly put his back to the door in an attempt to deter himself from being tempted into it, but to his surprise it persisted and once more appeared in front of him.

Was he _meant _to enter? This one did seem different to the others; he could definitely feel optimistic emotions emanating from it. Perhaps what he would find would not be as dark. Timidly he reached out for the door, and entered the memories.

The one thing the Doctor certainly had not been prepared to see beyond the door was… himself. He found a vast network of memories all stemming from the door, all being times that Rose had spent with the Doctor. He was surprised to see that she even had memories of his ninth form – he hadn't realised they went so far back.

There were so many memories, and every one was still vivid with every detail still perfectly preserved. The main thing that bowled him over though was the intense emotions that still ran through them all. Sometimes there was fear, occasionally intense sadness or sympathy, but always a thrill and excitement. But the one constant emotion was love.

Her love of the new life she had found, full of discovery and danger; her love of the times they had shared through thick and thin; but most importantly her love of him. It was present in every scene, getting stronger the further he went. Her passion stunned him, and he began to feel overwhelmed. Since meeting her he had been able to tell that she harboured feelings for him, but he had no idea that her love ran so deep, and it touched his heart.

He was used to people falling for him – and why shouldn't they? – like Martha had, but they all eventually left him or moved on. Martha had made it her own decision to leave him, and had wasted no time getting engaged. Whereas Rose had waited for him. He could see that in her mind – she had been told that she could never ever see him again but she had never given up hope and never moved on.

As he passed through one of her last memories of him he felt her utter despair and heartbreak at being separated from him, like her whole world had been stolen away from her. The emotions he felt were almost too much, and he quickly withdrew from the memory and back into times they had spent together.

Like when they had re-visited the Queen's coronation he could see how happy he had been with Rose. He watched the memories fondly, and he hardly even realised as fragments of them became familiar.

o o o o o

Rose found herself now openly panicking over what to do about the locked door. She felt like she had tried everything, exhausted every possibility. The furthest she had got had been when she had simply thought about the Doctor, focusing on the emotions she felt for him and visualising them together. She had figured that if she had more or less visualised the Doctor's whole mind herself then she should have some sort of control over it.

But it hadn't been enough. The door had rattled a little, as though whatever it was that was being kept behind it had become agitated. She needed something _more_, she just wished she knew what.

And then she felt something, in both the Doctor's mind and back in her own. She could feel strong emotions suddenly coming from the Doctor, though they seemed a little confused and she couldn't quite work out what exactly he was feeling. She could also feel that he had delved deep into some of her memories, and wondered what it was that he had found.

In the Doctor's mind she saw flickering images of the memories he was witnessing, and suddenly she understood what it was. He had found _her_ memories of the Doctor, and through the mixture of emotions she could feel his affection for her growing.

The door before her suddenly rattled, once more coming to life. For a moment she thought that he had opened it himself simply by looking at _her_ memories, but the door only continued to shudder, without succeeding to unlock.

And then she understood.

Separately neither of them could unlock those lost memories. They had to do this _together_.

Rose focused everything she had on thoughts of the Doctor; the wonderful times they had shared and her perpetual love for him. Every ounce of her being concentrated on how much she needed him, how much she cared about him.

For a single perfect moment - frozen in time and yet gone in an instant - their two minds became one, each one thinking only of the other, each one feeling the others love.

It was enough to blast the locked door clean off its hinges, and a wave of emotions spilled out, sweeping Rose away. Before she had even comprehended what had happened she was opening her eyes and seeing the Doctor in front of her. A huge grin adorned his face, and his eyes were wide open and sparkling with joy – the eyes of _her _Doctor, the one she had missed with all her heart.

"Rose! I remember!" He exclaimed ecstatically.

But as he reached forwards to grab her into a hug the ground suddenly began to shake, and a deep rumble reached their ears.

"Doctor?" Rose asked nervously.

"Time is healing… its reverting back to before any of this happened," The Doctor looked up at her and the pain and desperation was evident in his eyes.

"No…not now, I've only just found you! It's not fair!" Rose begged, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I'm sorry, I can't stop it…" The Doctor looked at her apologetically. Once more they tried to reach out for one another, but they were pulled apart by an immense force as time began to reverse.

"Rose!" The Doctor yelled as the world around them faded out, so that she was all that was left. "I'll find you!" He shouted to her as she disappeared into the blinding white light. "I'LL FIND YOU!"

Then everything went dark.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry if that ending was too much like the end of Forest Of The Dead where Donna's calling out to Lee, it's just exactly how I'd imagined that scene and couldn't think of a better way of doing it. Also sorry if that was kinda rubbishy and farfetched, like I said I struggled a bit writing this one. It probably could have done with a bit more drafting but I figured I'd kept you all waiting long enough XD**

**I think just one more chapter… maybe more I'm not sure. Depends how I decide to take things :P but its coming up to September now which means very soon I'm going to university… scary stuff, but it means I probably won't have much time to write :( so I really do need to end this story before I go away.**

**Thanks very much for reading!**


	13. Like Nothing Ever Happened

**A/N: Sorry this took a while, I've had quite a bit to do lately what with my parents taking time off work, me going to uni next week, and me having to practise my driving. But here it finally is, so hope you enjoy it and thanks for all your reviews! :)**

* * *

Chapter 13

Like Nothing Ever Happened

Blackness.

"_Doctor? Doctor can you hear me?" _

A distant voice floated through the darkness, muffled at first but getting gradually clearer.

The Doctor groaned, slowly coming back to reality. His eyelids felt like they were made of lead, and his head was throbbing as though someone had slammed him into a wall. Feebly he tried to sit up.

Why was he even on the floor? As he became aware of the rest of his body he realised it was only his head that hurt, although the rest of him felt incredibly weak and he was slightly dizzy. He felt someone move next to him, trying to help support him as he struggled.

"R-Rose?" he mumbled groggily as he tried to open his eyes.

"No… it's Donna…" the voice sounded clearer now, and he quickly realised that it was indeed Donna's. He managed to open his eyes and winced at the bright light as it flooded his world with shapes and colours, feeling as though he had been surrounded by darkness for an eternity. Donna's worried face swam into focus before him as she watched him worriedly.

"Doctor… are you alright?" He simply stared at her dazedly. Was he? He didn't know. His thoughts were all over the place right now, he wasn't even sure if he knew which way was up. All he knew for certain was that Donna was sat opposite him. She was watching him anxiously, and called urgently for Jack as she saw the state that he was in.

"Doctor, what happened?" Donna asked softly, desperate to get some sense out of him. He was clearly in pain, and his vacant expression was quite frankly starting to scare her. Had it gone wrong?

Now that was a good question. What _had_ happened? The Doctor thought about it hard. The last thing he remembered was…

The Doctor's head suddenly snapped up and his eyes fixed intently on Donna, abruptly wide awake.

"Rose…" He whispered. In that moment it had all come flooding back - everything that had happened when Rose had been brought across and he had lost his memories, right up until the moment that she had entered his mind and they had unlocked them once more. He felt his hearts begin to race.

"Rose!" he said louder and more urgently, suddenly springing to his feet and pushing past Donna. He looked wildly around the room, frantically searching for any trace of her as Donna watched in bewilderment. "Where is she?" he yelled, still running around the room.

"What?" Donna asked in a small voice, stunned by his newfound energy.

"Rose! Where is Rose?!" He shouted in Donna's face, causing her to shrink back nervously.

"Doctor?" Jack had appeared at the doorway, closely followed by Gwen, Tosh, Owen and Ianto. Jack looked between Donna and the Doctor in confusion, having heard the commotion. "When did you wake up? What's going on?"

"Would people stop asking me what happened and just tell me where Rose is!" The Doctor yelled in frustration, a manic glint in his eye. The room fell silent, shocked by the crazed Doctor's outburst. Donna took a deep breath, and tentatively stepped forward.

"Doctor…" She began gently, and she flinched as his fierce stare turned back on her. "…she's not here, she didn't come through… I'm sorry," The Doctor just continued to stare at her, though she saw some of his rage diminish into regret.

"But… but she… she has to be…" the Doctor whispered, barely audible. He felt both of his hearts plummet and shatter like glass.

No… not after all this. Not after all they had been through. Why did he always lose everything? Why, just this once couldn't things have just worked out?

He felt tears prickle at his eyes as the immensity of this realisation began to sink in, and suddenly became very aware of how many pairs of nervous eyes were watching him silently, waiting to see what he would do next.

"I need to be alone." He said bluntly, and swiftly barged out of the room.

He didn't know where he was going, or what he was going to do, he just kept walking. He just had to get away. Out of the hub, away from Torchwood, away from all their prying eyes. It was Torchwood's fault that Rose had even been taken from him in the first place. Why had he even gone to them for their help? Thoughts flew through his head as his rage took over.

They didn't even know her – what was it to them? They couldn't understand; they didn't know what they'd been through together, or what they'd had.

"_I'll find you!"_ his own words echoed about his head, tearing at his heart. He wasn't even sure she had heard him, but he had made a promise that he would find her and now he was back to square one.

He exited the hub and paced towards the bay, his stride slowing as his anger burnt out to be replaced by grief. As he reached the waters edge he leant his arms on the railings, and buried his head in his hands. He didn't even notice as the cold drizzle slowly soaked his hair and coat, or as passers by watched as this seemingly normal man lost himself to his sorrow.

How could he go on after this? He needed her so much- now more than ever. He had let himself believe it would work, that they could be together again. He remembered how he had longed to finally open up to her about his past, and to talk to her about what he had learnt of hers.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe he was just meant to be alone, left to suffer the guilt of his past, of all those that he had killed and everything he had done by himself. He didn't deserve someone as good as Rose.

He thought of all the extra time he had had with her; it all seemed like a fading dream now, a time that had never happened, all of which he had spent reaching out but never quite touching her. It was no better than the hologram back on Bad Wolf Bay. All he wanted was to be able to wrap her up in his arms again, bury his face in her hair and bundle her way from the world to keep safe forever.

His hearts fluttered a little as he felt a slight pressure on his back, dragging him out of his thoughts and back down to Earth. He slowly turned around to discover who had placed a gentle hand on him, half expecting to find a young blonde girl smiling at him warmly, her eyes telling him everything would be okay.

He couldn't hide his disappointment as his eyes fell upon Donna's sympathetic face, and he looked away guiltily. She had noticed his regret- knowing that he wished she had been Rose- but she let it slip, seeing the mournful look upon his face as the rain dripped down from his sopping hair.

"Come on Doctor, let's get you out of the rain." She said softly, taking his hand. He let himself be led by her lifelessly, feeling hollow and lost.

x x x x x

The Doctor stared out across the horizon from their high vantage point. From here they could see the whole city of Palpatress; a stunning sight with its towering buildings that glinted in the deep red evening suns. But the Doctor seemed oblivious to the beauty of this wondrous civilisation laid out before him and simply gazed in its direction, not actually seeming to see it at all.

It had been a few days since he had awoken in the Torchwood hub to find that Rose was not there, and he hadn't been himself ever since. He had barely spoken a word to Donna, and always had a vacant, far-off look in his eyes.

They had decided to resume travelling time and space for lack of a better idea – staying at the hub had seemed pointless – but it no longer felt right. Donna had thought it would distract him, and help him to take his mind off Rose, but she had been wrong.

She couldn't bear to see him so heartbroken, and only wished she could do more to help him. She had so wanted it to have worked out for him, and now felt almost guilty for having encouraged him to go through with it. At the time she had thought it best to try no matter what the outcome, but now – seeing the Doctor in pieces – she wasn't so sure.

She had never seen him like this. Sure they had had low moments before – she thought back to when they had visited the Ood-Sphere and discovered how the humans were enslaving the Ood, and also back in Pompeii when the Doctor had learnt that it was he who had caused Mount Vesuvius to erupt. But he had always sprung back, even if it were apparent that he wasn't really okay. He would bury his emotions away with a grin and a fast mouth, keeping it hidden away where she was sure it was still hurting him.

But now he just didn't have the will to pretend anymore, and perhaps that was what was so shocking. He just seemed hollow; a ghost of his former self that floated through existence, not really living at all.

The longer it went on the more Donna became convinced that there was also something he wasn't telling her, like more had happened that only he knew about. She could see it in his eyes even now as she watched him gaze out across the radiant cityscape, the sunset casting a warm, red glow across his features. He had that look on his face that he always had when reminiscing about his past; a deep contemplative expression, heavy with grief.

Donna sighed as she observed the lonely Timelord. She wanted to understand but he had hardly spoke a word never mind explaining what had happened, and she was almost too afraid to ask when he was this fragile. She knew that talking about it would help him, but she didn't want to make it worse.

She didn't know how much longer they could go on like this. Judging by previous experience it wouldn't be long until they bumped into more trouble, and right now she didn't know if the Doctor was up to saving the world. The universe needed him back, and if she was being honest so did she. He wouldn't even look her in the eye; he would stare straight through her and she knew he was seeing Rose instead.

It wasn't as if she were jealous- it was more that she missed him and the friendship they had. She adored the new life she had found with the Doctor, and felt like she had bonded closely with him. So she came to the conclusion that she _had _to do something. She took a deep breath, feeling suddenly determined. She knew that she had to at least try and help him - this had to stop.

Slowly Donna approached the Doctor, joining him at the balcony and lightly taking his hand. He felt cold and didn't react to her touch, and as she gazed up at his face she saw that even through the red glow of the planet he looked pale. It was as if his body was simply an empty shell, his heart and soul lost with Rose.

For a moment she remained silent as she tried to think of what she could say, but the Doctor took her by surprise and spoke first.

"I brought Rose here once." He said suddenly, not turning away from the view. "We stood on this exact spot and watched the suns slowly sink into the horizon." His voice was heavy with emotion, and his eyes shined with unshed tears. She gave his hand a light squeeze.

"At least you tried Doctor," she was uncertain if this was the right thing to say, but followed her instincts. "There's always some hope, even in the worst situations. There's always something worth living for no matter how small it might be, you just have to look harder is all." She felt her own eyes watering and her voice began to waver. "You've still got me…"

He turned and looked her truly in the eyes for the first time since it had happened, and the raw emotion she saw there was heart wrenching. It was a longing look full of loneliness and loss that begged her to help him. All she could do was wrap her arms around him and do her best to comfort him, rubbing his back soothingly.

"Thank you Donna." The Doctor said in a small voice as he fought to keep control of his emotions.

"What for?" She asked, confused, "I haven't done anything," She felt like she had been quite useless, being unable to do anything about it.

"Yes you have. For being there for me. I never would have got through this on my own, and not many people would have put up with me for so long. Thank you for understanding." He managed to give her a small smile, and she could see the real effort he was making for her.

They stood silent for a while longer, watching as the suns disappeared from sight over the distant mountains and the sky deepened into a rich purple, flickering stars beginning to show.

"I saw her," The Doctor began once more surprising Donna with his sudden openness. She looked at him questioningly, baffled by what he had said. "Rose, I saw her. A new parallel world was created, in which I woke the first time, and it had worked- Rose was there." Donna gaped at him as he explained what had happened- how he had been able to spend time with Rose despite that he had indeed lost his memories as he had predicted might happen.

"…and then time reverted back to that point, just like none of it ever happened." He looked at her darkly. Donna was stunned by the Doctor's story. She had had no idea he had been through so much; it certainly justified his behaviour.

"But if it did work, isn't there some way to do it again? I mean… you're _the Doctor_… you can do anything!" The Doctor smiled a little at the faith she had in him, but shook his head sadly.

"I've no way of preventing my memories from being altered." He said resignedly. "The first time I took a huge risk… I knew there was a chance it could happen, I should never have done it- I was so selfish. I can't believe I put her through that…" he looked pained, shocked by his own actions. He felt like he had been blinded by his desperation to see Rose again. "I couldn't do that to her again, it's not fair."

"Doctor… I'm sure she would have been glad you tried, no matter what. She would have wanted you to do it." The Doctor knew Donna was right; Rose wasn't one for keeping things safe and avoiding all risks. He smiled fondly as he thought of her courage and excitement in the face of danger.

Abruptly a shrill ringing filled the air, drawing the Doctor out of his thoughts. Donna looked around in confusion, searching for the source of the noise that sounded distinctly like a phone. She watched with raised eyebrows as the Doctor began to scramble at his coat, rummaging hastily through the depths of his coat pockets. Passers-by who were trying to enjoy their evening began to turn and give them angry glares as the ringing persisted, but the Doctor remained oblivious to them.

"Is that… Martha's phone?" Donna said in shock.

"Yeah…" The Doctor replied, seeming quite surprised by it himself. At last he reached it, and hesitantly raised it to his ear. "Hello?" he answered nervously.

"Doctor! You're a hard man to reach!" A voice he hadn't really been expecting to hear greet him – especially in such an energetic and cheerful tone – was Jack Harkness's.

"Jack? How did you get this number?" The Doctor asked baffled.

"We had to do some phoning around, but we figured Martha might have some way of getting in touch with you and she told us you had her phone– anyway that doesn't matter! Doctor you have to get back here!"

"What? Why?" The Doctor felt his hearts begin to race as he thought of only one person.

"It's Adam's box, we're getting some crazy readings from it that we don't understand yet, but they're off the scale!" The Doctor nearly dropped the phone.

"What? What is it?" Donna asked frantically, seeing the Doctor's reaction to whatever Jack had said. But he had already taken off, speeding back to the TARDIS with all his might. "Doctor! WAIT!" Donna jogged after him, trying desperately to keep up.

As she finally reached the TARDIS doors gasping for breath she found the Doctor darting urgently about the console, and no sooner had the doors shut behind her than they had taken off. She grabbed the handrail as the ship lurched.

"What's going on?" She yelled over the rasping of the TARDIS in flight.

"It's the box! It's still active!" He exclaimed across the console as he inelegantly tried to reach several controls at once.

"…And?" Donna prompted him, bewildered by the Doctor's sudden change of mood because of this – seemingly to her – inadequate piece of information. "What does that mean?" All he did in response was to grin at her, a sparkle in his eyes.

Maybe… just _maybe_ there was still hope…

As the TARDIS landed heavily with a crash the Doctor sprinted to the doors, helping Donna back onto her feet from where she had fallen along the way. They stepped out directly into the main room of the Torchwood hub, amongst a pile of papers that had clearly been blown around by the TARDIS materialising. Ianto looked exasperatedly at the mess of paperwork that only seconds ago had been stacked neatly and sighed.

"And guess who'll be tidying that up…" he muttered to himself sarcastically. Jack suddenly appeared at one of the balconies high above.

"Doctor! Up here!" Jack beckoned them up, and they hurried to meet him.

They found Tosh sat at her desk focused intensely on the information adorning the many monitors of her computer, and she didn't even blink as they rushed over – Donna still trying to catch her breath. Jack was stood behind her, peering over her shoulder and holding the item of importance. The Doctor quickly joined his side, swiftly putting on his glasses and leaning close to the screens.

"When you left I began to run a diagnostic on Adam's box, to make absolute sure that it hadn't worked." Tosh began with a sense of urgency, donning her usual professional manner, "I started off with fairly routine checks and found nothing, so I widened my search and ran every test I could think of on it. Still nothing. I almost gave up, but then I came across this…" she pointed at a particular screen. "…it says the box is giving off an energy signal unlike anything I've ever seen; even the computer doesn't recognise it at all. But the levels are incredibly high, so I tried to decode it… but it still didn't make any sense." She looked at the Doctor expectantly for his expertise.

"We thought that even if we couldn't understand it, if the box is still active with energy signals like that there might still be a way…" Jack added. They all watched the Doctor in anticipation as he scanned the readings.

"Well?" Jack prompted him when he remained silent. After a few more moments the Doctor sighed and sat down heavily.

"I thought that maybe…" he muttered to himself. "I can't make any sense of these readings either." Everyone's hearts fell.

"But surely… there must be something," Jack said desperately, starting to feel guilty for having risen the Doctor's hopes again. "Tosh, show me the decoded file."

Their voices faded into the background as the Doctor thought hard. Just for a split second his hope had been rekindled and he had been alive once more, but there was still one piece of the puzzle left.

"I'm sorry Doctor," Donna placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he simply continued to stare hard at the box that lay on the desk in front of him.

"Here it is, but it doesn't help. It still doesn't make any sense." Tosh said as she passed the file to Jack.

"What's that bit?" Jack squinted at it in confusion.

"2142315126, it's the energy signature." She read out carefully, but Jack simply shook his head in dismay.

"Doctor… I'm so sorry, I really thought we had something," Jack began, but the Doctor suddenly leapt to his feet, staring at Tosh intensely.

"Say that again…" he said quietly, barely more than a whisper and his eyes were pleading. He had to make sure he had heard right before he let himself get excited again. Tosh looked at him puzzled.

"The energy signature? 2-1-4-2-3-1-5-1-2-6," She read out carefully, a little taken aback by the way he was looking at her. "Why… does it mean something to you?" she asked timidly. A disbelieving smile flickered across the Doctor's face as he suddenly sprang into action, grabbing the box and dashing off.

The team – momentarily stunned by his behaviour – hastily attempted to follow him. He had returned to the room where he had first worked on the box to find -to his relief- that much of the tools and bits and pieces he had used were still lying about. As they all piled in behind him they watched in bewilderment as he began to alter the box once more, tinkering with it at an incredible pace.

"You see the box lies dormant when its not in use to preserve the Markonistic energy stores in its vanquar section, in case it's required in an emergency – sort of like it's on standby, like when I came and used it it wasn't being actively used by Adam but was still in good working order and only needed minor adjustments." The Doctor began explaining animatedly as he crashed around the room to find parts for the box, and it was all the others could do to nod occasionally as the words flew from his mouth.

"Now, if you've been picking up energy signals from it that means it's using the residual energy, and the unknown readings you found on your analysis – which was brilliant by the way!" he paused to aim a shining grin at Tosh who smiled a little bashfully, "…would have been the Markon values. So because time tried to repair itself and because it's all a bit wibbly wobbly there was a fraction of a chance that it reverted back to the exact moment just before Rose was brought through, meaning that it had already begun the transfer but had been unable to complete it due to the damage done to time. So it reverted back to the default setting, which for Adam's kind was to be scattered into atoms and distributed throughout the void."

"Err… did I miss something?" Owen muttered, and Ianto shrugged and shook his head.

"Wait a minute… so Rose is in the void?" Donna stepped forward looking a little shocked.

"She… might be." The Doctor looked away guiltily. "But if she is then that's what this box has been trying to do. It's been trying to finish the job and bring her across fully, hence why it was giving off those readings. But it has insufficient energy - either because of the damage to time or because she's human and they weren't built for your kind- causing her to become stranded halfway."

"But you can fix it?" Donna asked apprehensively. The Doctor beamed at her.

"All I have to do is re-route the vanquar section so that it's hooked up to the serantical system, then link that with the rax filters so that it can triplicate the Markon energy stores with the use of the energy signature that Tosh decoded, feeding it back into the main Karnap chamber." The Doctor said casually, finishing with a matter-of-factly sniff as if it were common knowledge to know the intricate workings of the box. Everyone in the room simply gawped at him, not even pretending to have taken in a word that had just tumbled out of his mouth.

"You know what I swear I could see his mouth moving just then but I didn't hear a word…" Gwen whispered to Jack, dumbfounded.

"Meaning… you can get it to work?" Jack summarised the Doctor's ramble.

"Oh yes!" The Doctor replied enthusiastically. "So if I'm very very lucky," he returned his attention to his work, adding the finishing touches to the box, "this should do the trick. Because, do you know what 2 14 2 3 1 5 1 2 6 translates to?"

They all shook their heads, their faces blank.

"Bad wolf." He grinned at the sheer brilliance of it, the immense importance of those two simple words, the words that would forever connect him to Rose. The Doctor seemed oblivious to the fact that this meant nothing to the others, who had been expecting something a little more explanatory than two seemingly meaningless words- but then again not much of what he had said made a lick of sense to any of them.

And with that, the Doctor flicked the last switch that would engage the energy boost. Everyone in the room held their breath as they waited for something to happen, and both of the Doctor's hearts nearly stopped beating all together. There was a heavy silence in the air as the tension began to build, and still nothing happened.

Every second stretched out, feeling like hours- the longest seconds of the Doctor's life. Gradually everyone began to fear the worst, and the Doctor sighed resignedly. He began to turn away when he felt Donna touch his arm. He looked at her questioningly, but found she wasn't even looking at him.

She was staring with her mouth slightly agape back towards the middle of the room. Slowly the Doctor turned around, almost too scared to look in case the tiny flickering ember that was left of his hope would be crushed.

_Please… just this once…_

At first glance there was nothing to be seen, but as his eyes desperately searched the room something caught his eye. There was a slight flickering in the centre of the room, and if he squinted he could make out the shape of a human, although he wasn't sure if he was just wishing for it too hard.

It was so faint at first, like a rainbow shimmering on the rain and the more you look the more it seems to fade. But the image was definitely growing stronger, the details becoming more defined and the colours becoming more vivid, until at last it was clearly recognisable as a young, blonde girl.

The Doctor hardly dared to move, too scared that if he blinked she'd be gone, not allowing himself to believe she was real for fear of suffering another disappointment. But as she finally materialised into reality there was no doubting it, and he couldn't stop a small smile breaking out on his face.

"Rose…" he whispered, taking a tentative step towards her. She was stood limply her eyes closed, and as the transfer completed she swayed and began to fall lifelessly like a ragdoll. In a heartbeat the Doctor had caught her, carefully lowering her to the ground so that he could kneel beside her and cradle her in his arms.

"Rose? Can you hear me?" he spoke tenderly to her, worry etched into his face. "Please be okay," he whispered the last part as he cuddled her closer. Suddenly a groan emitted from her, and the Doctor's hearts raced. He watched intently as her eyelids slowly fluttered open, and those deep brown eyes that he loved so much were revealed.

Rose felt suddenly blinded by reality as light poured into her vision. Her head felt fuzzy, and at first her eyes refused to focus. The only thing she could remember was darkness, and the weight of gravity and the sensations that were suddenly assaulting her body were dazing.

As her eyes slowly began to adjust a familiar face came into view, grinning like there was no tomorrow, and instantly everything came flooding back. She felt her heart thumping furiously against her chest and it felt as though a swarm of butterflies were erupting from her stomach.

"Doctor?" Her own hoarse voice sounded alien to her and her throat felt dry, but right now none of it mattered. If it were possible the Doctor's smile broadened even further, his eyes shining down at her.

"Hello!" He said softly, barely able to contain his excitement.

"Is it really you? I mean…" Rose asked nervously, yearning for this to finally be her Doctor, just the way he used to be.

"It's me…" he nodded, smiling reassuringly at her, "…and I remember everything, every single moment right from the very first time I took your hand and said 'run'." He saw the relief on her face, quickly followed by a look of elation that sparkled in her eyes.

"Oh my god… Doctor!" She threw her arms around his neck and clung to him desperately. She felt tears sting at her eyes as his arms enfolded her tightly, but at long last they were tears of true joy.

She had made it. Even against all the odds, every obstacle that had been thrown at them they had overcome it all, and now _finally_ they could be together. Not even the impossible could keep them apart. Once more she felt that sense of security and comfort only he could give her return, the knowledge that he cared for her and would do anything to protect her.

After what felt like hours and yet still not long enough they pulled apart, just enough that they could see each others faces. Rose wiped her eyes quickly, but was surprised to notice that even the Doctor's eyes were moist. He smiled at her with affection and she felt her heart melt.

"Are you alright?" he asked her fondly.

"Yeah, of course!" She beamed at him – she had him, how could she not be? "What about you? Will you be okay now?" She asked hesitantly. He knew she was referring to the time he had nearly been wiped out of existence, but to him that pain was just a foggy memory now.

"Yep! Thanks to you! You fixed me, again." He grinned.

"Thank god," she muttered, the images of him clutching his head in agony still fresh in her mind.

Movement out of the corner of her eye drew her attention to their audience, the Doctor having occupied her concentration. They were watching her with awe, the women smiling and wiping their eyes at this moving reunion.

"Do you think you can stand up?" The Doctor asked her gently.

"I think so," She didn't feel dizzy anymore at least. She steadily got to her feet under the careful guidance of the Doctor, taking a moment for her head to settle once she was up. Jack was the first to step forwards, a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Rose! It's so good to see you! It's been such a long time," he said brightly, grabbing her into a big hug.

At first Rose felt confused by his actions, and had a strong feeling of déjà vu. For her it had only been a few days ago (she guessed, her concept of time was a bit sketchy at the moment) that she had last been at the Torchwood hub with Jack, but then she realised that none of them would remember that. She recalled the Doctor explaining how time would revert back like none of it ever happened if they succeeded.

"It's good to see you too Jack," she grinned at him as he released her. She then spotted Donna and approached her.

"Donna, I know you won't remember me but I really appreciate all your help during the time I spent here," she said, giving Donna a grateful hug.

"It's alright, the Doctor explained it all to me," Donna said attempting to be friendly despite the slightly discouraging fact that she had never met Rose. "I know how much you mean to him, he never stopped talking about you!" Rose grinned as she saw the Doctor blush a little.

"I'd like to thank you too Gwen," Rose moved over to where the others were standing, and Gwen just looked at her, taken aback. "All of you, you made me feel so welcome. We never could have done this without you." She smiled at them appreciatively, and they all simply looked at her in puzzlement.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand… you've been here before?" Gwen asked, trying to sound polite.

"Ah… timey wimey… wibbly wobbly…" The Doctor said dismissively with a wave of his hand and Rose giggled, a sound that warmed his heart.

And so the Doctor began to explain to them about how Rose had come through the first time and he had lost all memory of her, and Rose faded it out just watching as she mulled over what had happened, subconsciously taking the Doctor's hand. She couldn't believe after all they'd been through they'd still managed to get through; she wasn't even sure how they'd managed it in the end. But she did know one thing…

It was good to be home.

* * *

**A/N: Yaaaayyy! So the Doctor and Rose are finally together :D I do have one last chapter to do, just a sort of epilogue really to round things off and tie up a few loose ends.**

**I love writing all the science stuff, I get to make up lots of words haha XD and I just had to give Tosh another moment to shine cause I just think she's brilliant and Torchwood won't be the same without her :(**

**Sorry if the code thing was a little dodgy, all I did was match numbers up with the alphabet to get BAD WOLF, couldn't think of anything more inventive! And I just had to fit it in somewhere, it wouldn't be Doctor Who without a Bad Wolf reference (not for me at least).**

**Thanks for reading!**


	14. Epilogue

**A/N: wow… I bet you thought you weren't going to get this but yes I am still alive! Sorta… I can't believe I've left this so long but I was determined to finish it. The reason for the delay on this was because I started university back in September and its been the hardest few weeks of my life. I've had a pretty rough start to it all, but I'm hoping its getting a bit better now. **

**Anyway… if anyone is actually still reading this… I really apologise for how long its been. This really is the last bit! Thanks everyone so much for the reviews :) This is mostly just ramblings and dialogue to round everything off a bit, so sorry if its not that great, i'm a bit rusty with it too.**

* * *

 Epilogue

The twin suns of Women Wept were just starting to peek over the horizon, sending shafts of golden light bouncing off the ice. The waves glittered as the rays danced across their frozen surfaces, the rich purple sky beginning to glow with shades of yellow and orange instead. Only the brightest stars remained visible as morning dawned across the planet; tiny specks of light telling of distant worlds thriving peacefully millions of miles away.

The Doctor and Rose were once more sat atop one of the vast ice waves - frozen in its cascading form – taking in the beauty of their surroundings and enjoying one another's company. Donna was visiting home to give them some privacy and would join them later, and they had said fond farewells to the Torchwood team so at long last they found themselves alone together.

They could hardly believe that they were truly reunited after all they had been through, and that they could finally – for the time being at least – relax and appreciate how lucky they were that everything had worked out in the end. Their hands were tightly locked together between them like two perfectly fitting pieces of a jigsaw, as they had been more or less ever since their reunion.

They had lost track of how long they had been sat there, talking light heartedly as they watched the suns rise. They talked about things they had done together back in the old days, laughing and joking – tales only they could understand – like they hadn't a care in the world, as they once had done all that time ago. The Doctor was making the most of his restored memories, wanting to relive every moment of it with Rose and imprint it firmly in his mind forever.

For a while now they had sat in companionable silence, but then conversation had taken a more serious turn as it veered towards more recent events.

"So… I was in the void?" Rose sounded surprised as the Doctor explained what had happened to her when his memories had been restored. She knew how much he feared the void, and was shocked to learn that she had now witnessed it first hand. He nodded slowly in response.

"I'm so _so_ sorry..." He apologised guiltily, hanging his head.

"No don't be silly, it was worth it in the end!" Rose smiled, attempting to reassure him. "It's not your fault." The Doctor shuffled uneasily, clearly not quite convinced. Rose noticed that he seemed to want to say more and prompted him, "What is it?"

"I was just curious… if you don't mind me asking, but what was it like? In the void?" He asked her timidly, fidgeting with a loose piece of ice. Rose raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I thought you knew, that's why you hated it?"

"I dunno… you hear stories about what it's like, and you can know the facts of what the void physically is, but I've never known anyone to have actually been in it and survived - even if you were just randomly distributed atoms." He explained, "I guess I'm just intrigued. That's a very human reaction isn't it? To be intrigued by the things that scare you most…" He looked a little dismayed at himself for this.

"Umm… well I don't really know how to put words to it. It felt like I was in there for an eternity and yet no time at all. It was almost like being consciously asleep… I couldn't feel my body, and it was sort of like when you open your eyes in the middle of the night but its pitch black so you feel blind no matter how wide you open your eyes, but then it wasn't even black or dark it was just…" she shrugged, giving up. The Doctor shuddered.

"I can't believe I put you through that," he looked away from her, unable to meet her eyes.

"Doctor I told you, it's not your fault, I don't blame you for any of it."

"But it was my fault!" The Doctor suddenly raised his voice, his anger at himself taking hold, "It was me that decided to take that risk. You could have ended up lost in the void forever because of me! Besides it's not just that, I'm sorry for all of it; I'm sorry that I didn't even warn you what could happen, I'm sorry for acting like I did when I lost my memories. You didn't need that when you'd just left your family for me. What if I'd left you? You would have been completely alone and all because of me…"

"Doctor stop! I don't care about any of that now. It happened yes but we can't change that now, it's all in the past. What matters is now, we're together… we got through it," she smiled at him with tears in her eyes. He tried to return the smile weakly, but it soon faded. Rose felt her heart drop.

"What is it?"

"It's just that… I got you back this time, but I have to face the fact that one day I will lose you forever, no matter what happens. Whether it be through this life we lead or simply due to time, it's the only thing that is for certain." He looked down at his feet glumly.

"Doctor…" Rose gave his hand a tight squeeze, but she didn't know what more to say or how to comfort him. _The curse of the Timelords. _It was the one thing she couldn't save him from. She could choose to stay with him for the rest of her life but compared to his, that was nothing. She knew it had happened to him many times before and that it was inevitable he would live on long after she had gone, and she couldn't bare the thought of him going through that and having to carry on alone.

"But… it's alright. For now at least. I have to focus on the now." He looked up at her and she saw the sorrow and heartbreak that he was trying so bravely to overcome. "I can't waste what time I do have left with you worrying about what could happen when you're gone. And anyway, in the end it's worth it. I'd suffer the pain and the loss even for the sake of just one more day with you Rose Tyler." He grinned and his words touched her heart.

"I found a world a world and saw a me where I had never met you, and I would never go back." He said seriously, his eyes dark as he recalled the way he had acted. "You did so much for me, thank you." Rose felt her warmth and love for him bubbling inside her.

"You did the same for me!" she burst out. "I'd be nothing if I'd never met you, I'd still be working in a shop!"

"But you always had it in you. You just needed to be given your chance to shine." He beamed at her.

Rose nudged up closer to him and leaned her head on his shoulder. The Doctor smiled contentedly and moved his arm to wrap around her shoulder, resting his own head lightly on top of hers. He felt closer to her now than he ever had done before, like there was a whole new bond forming between them that was stronger than ever. He was sure that this new feeling was good – it certainly felt it – but he knew it would bring new complications.

"It's never going to be the same again, is it?" Rose said suddenly, and he realised she must have been thinking the same things.

"Things change, people change – we move on because we have to. There's never any turning back." The Doctor sighed heavily.

"All those carefree adventures we had, never really taking any of it seriously; I could never see anything else. I let myself believe that's how we'd always be, inseparable and untouchable for the rest of time. You and me, travelling the stars forever. We'll never have that again because I know now; I've had my eyes opened. I've seen what my life would be like if I was separated from you, and now I'll always be terrified of losing you again, always shadowed by what happened." She said soulfully. The Doctor felt moved by her deep response; she had really changed since the battle of Canary Wharf.

"But you'll learn to live with it." He looked at her reassuringly. "Time is the greatest healer after all. Besides change isn't always bad; often where things take a turn for the worst other new opportunities arise from them. We move on because we have no choice, and we learn to embrace the changes, and becoming stronger because of them."

Rose looked at the Doctor with a huge admiration. In that moment he seemed so old and wise, but she could also see the weariness behind his eyes, his _fragility_, and she knew he was talking from hundreds of years of experience. She couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be him – she had had a taster when she was inside his mind, and it had nearly overwhelmed her.

"You've been through so much…" She said softly, her voice laced with sympathy. "I always knew little things about your past, but I never realised…" The Doctor swallowed nervously. He knew where this conversation was headed. It was something he was sure he wanted to confide in to Rose, but at the same time it was such a new concept for him. He had spent so long burying it all away.

"Rose… there are things about my past that I'm not proud of, I want you to know that." He looked away from her, fearful of what she had seen in his mind and that it would change how she saw him.

"It's who you are now that matters Doctor," She smiled at him warmly.

"Thank you," He smiled back at her in appreciation, truly grateful of her acceptance. "You see… I have to confess - when I met Reinette I used the same method of looking inside her mind to find out what the clockwork robots wanted with her. I didn't realise at the time that that meant she could see inside my mind too – it was an accident – but she was clever and figured out that she could see my past too."

Rose shifted uncomfortably at the mention of Reinette – she remembered how the Doctor had chosen to rescue her and leave Rose and Mickey stranded in the future, and even now the memory still hurt.

"But then for the first there was someone who knew _everything _about me, and that was why I …fell for her." He said the last part awkwardly, feeling guilty and a little uneasy.

"Why couldn't you just tell _me_?" Rose asked him, not hiding her hurt.

"Because I was a coward. I was scared to face it, when she saw my mind by accident it was just easy, I wouldn't have shown her deliberately. I was scared of what you'd think of me if you knew some of the things I'd done… I didn't want to lose you. It's in my nature, I always run away, never looking back. And I have to admit, I like pretending it never happened. I enjoyed our carefree life together too much, it was like nothing else mattered." Rose felt saddened by his words; he had suddenly changed from a wise old Timelord to a frightened child scared of rejection, running from the horrors that haunted his past.

"You can trust me Doctor. I'll never leave you - I promised you forever and I meant it." She looked at him firmly and he gave her a small smile, pulling her into a soft hug. After their short embrace the Doctor continued.

"Rose, I'm sorry if I saw things in your mind that you didn't want me to see, I promised you I wouldn't look-"

"Don't be silly, I saw your mind it's only fair. Besides there's nothing I'd hide from you. Those things you saw… I always wanted you to know about them, it's just that the right time never came up to tell you,"

"I understand. I want you to know that I'll never let anyone hurt you like that again, I'll always be here for you." He said resolutely.

"Thank you," Rose beamed up at him, tears welling in her eyes. For a moment they both simply stared into each others eyes, looking deeply into one another's revealed souls.

"So I guess there's no hiding anything anymore…" Rose said, taking a deep breath as she began to realise the extent of the new bond that was forming between them. "You know you can always tell me anything right? I'll always be here to listen, and I'll never leave you." She smiled at him affectionately, but it soon faded as he dropped his gaze from hers, opting instead to look down at his feet. "Doctor?" Rose encouraged him, a flicker of doubt crossing her mind.

"Well… there is one more thing I still need to tell you," the Doctor began timidly, and Rose suddenly felt very nervous.

_What more could there possibly be?_

"What is it?" She prompted him when he hesitated.

"That day… back on the beach… at Bad Wolf Bay…" he muttered in a tiny voice, swallowing nervously. Rose felt her heart race at the mention of the worst day of her life, her mind instantly jumping to conclusions about where this was headed.

"I was so stupid," he continued, "I'm a Timelord – I have all the time in the universe and yet I never seem to have enough. I wasted so much time before, and then right at the end when it mattered the most, and I paid the price. I regretted it so much, more than I thought I ever would. So I swore if I ever got a second chance I would get it right."

"Regretted what?" Rose tried to focus his ramblings as he meandered around the topic evasively. For a split second his mind was considering various escape options from the hole he'd dug himself, and Rose held her breath as she saw the doubt flicker past his eyes. _Was he really going to say it?_

But no. Not this time. A determination came across the Doctor as he made his final decision.

Just when she'd thought that he was going to back out like he always had done before, the Doctor suddenly looked up at her, his deep brown eyes that both hid and revealed so much locking onto hers. She could feel the intensity of his unveiled emotions; he was looking at her with such tenderness, his need for her showing clear as day, but there was also a fear in his eyes – the fear of what he was about to do.

"Rose Tyler," he softly put his hand to her cheek. She saw him gulp nervously, but then a small but true smile lit up his face. "I… I love you," his own voice sounded foreign to him as the words finally fell from his mouth.

Rose's heart soared as those three simple words she had been waiting to hear for so long reached her ears, and tears began to brim her eyes.

"I love you too," She managed to whisper, hardly daring to believe that this was real. It was then that she realised how close they were, and before she could even construct a coherent thought she felt the Doctor's lips lightly meeting her own. His kiss was so soft and timid at first that it almost tickled, but it grew in confidence as Rose responded and wrapped her arms around his neck.

The Doctor couldn't remember the last time he had felt like this; of course he had been in love before, but the occasions were few and far between, and rarely did he admit to it and let himself go. It felt so good to finally be releasing his emotions without holding back, to finally tell her the truth. It was as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, but then he realised that a new one had also been added.

He pulled apart from Rose reluctantly, his eyes falling downcast as he recalled the cost at which this happiness came. Rose knew this too; she knew how much it meant for the Doctor to say those three words and what he was committing to by saying them. Some people would use them as such throw away words – people like Jimmy Stone – saying them frequently and often without thought and meaning, even if they _thought_ they meant it. But he wasn't a normal person - he wasn't even human - and she knew that he would never use them lightly.

"Rose… I need you to know that I can never offer you a human life. I'll never settle down and live in a house, or …or have kids or marry," he shuffled uncomfortably, still not brave enough to meet her gaze. Seeing this, Rose took his hand in hers.

"I know that you're not human, I don't expect you to change for me and I wouldn't want you to. Those things don't matter to me- all I want is you." She looked at him seriously, giving his hand a light squeeze.

"You say that now, but one day you might change your mind, you'll grow tired of always travelling-"

"How could I ever get tired of this?" She gestured around at the beautiful scenery, smiling brightly. When she saw that this was not enough to convince him, she continued more seriously.

"Look, all I know is that right now none of that matters to me as long as I have you right here by my side. That's all that's important. So maybe I can't tell what I'll be like in 10 or 20 years, but we'll face that when it happens. I don't want to live my life at a distance just in case something goes wrong in the future, cause what if it never does?" He looked up at her, his eyes glistening slightly with unshed tears.

"I know what I'm getting myself into; I have right from the start! That's my problem, my decision to make and I've made it. It's you that I'm more worried about,"

"What do you mean?" He asked, a confused frown crinkling his forehead.

"Well… I know that you'd always be there for me, but I can't bear the thought that I won't always be there for you…" The Doctor's frown softened but he still looked at her puzzled. "Because I'm human… like you said that day when I met Sarah Jane…"

"Oh Rose…" He sighed as he realised what she meant, wrapping her up in his arms. He knew that this was the hardest part for both them; it was this that it always came back to. "There's nothing either of us can do about it, but it's like you said, we mustn't only live half lives for fear of what's to come. I told you I've accepted what will happen."

"But I can't bear the thought of you being on your own," she mumbled into his jacket, tears escaping her eyes. He stroked her hair gently to comfort her.

"I'll be okay," He knew it sounded weak, but he didn't know what else to say.

"And what if you're not? You can't always be okay,"

"It means enough to me that you understand Rose. Like you say, we'll face that when it comes. There's no point in worrying about something that we have no control over. Now promise me that you won't dwell on it." He looked straight into her watery eyes.

"I'll try," She nodded, gathering all her courage. He smiled at her warmly.

Rose leaned into the Doctor, her head resting gently under his chin as they both looked out across the glittering landscape. The Doctor hugged her closer, taking a deep, contented sigh. A fresh breeze swept across their faces and rustled their hair, carrying with it tiny shards of ice that seemed to make the very air sparkle in the morning sun.

They couldn't have asked for a more perfect moment; both of them savouring every last second and imprinting it firmly in their memories. They knew that it would not be like this forever, but they would always remember it.

Of course it would take them both a while to move on from the whole ordeal and to come to terms with certain things, but they finally had each other, and with time – which for now at least they had plenty of – they would learn to embrace their new relationship and have the best time of their lives.

"So then," The Doctor began, turning back to face Rose as the suns of Women Wept broke free of the horizon, casting a warm glow across her features, her blonde hair radiant in the morning light. A wide grin spread across his face, his eyes sparkling with energy and excitement.

"Where to next?"

x x x x x

_"For certain you have to be lost to find a place that can't be found..." _

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you soooo much to everyone who read this story! And of course to everyone he reviewed or favourited it etc… It's all very much appreciated :) I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this story and am very sad to see it end! **

**To anyone who is interested… I made fake book covers for this story based on the existing official Doctor Who books cause I wanted to print it all out so it looked nice! I uploaded them on photobucket, so if you do want to see them my username on that website is Lynzix, so just search for that and theyre the most recent pictures in my album :)**

**I hope to write more fanfics, I'll miss writing this one :( I still have a storyline that i thought up during the first of the new series of Doctor Who! Like years ago... and i made it so damn complicated i never ended up writing it, but i still cling onto the thought that one day i will :) Obviously now I'm at uni i won't have very much time to do things like this anymore, but there's always holidays ;) So once more, thanks for reading and i hope to see you again some time!**


End file.
